Page 17 of When You Saved Me

I half-laughed. “Oh, I don’t know. Just the fact that you saved my life seven years ago and when I showed up on your front porch you slammed the door in my face.”

He grimaced and shifted his face away from me. Feelingbrave, I slid the cloth under his chin and gently directed him to look back at me. “You don’t think it’s crazy that we both ended up in this tiny town an entire state away from where we first met?”

His deep inhale told me he was growing wary of my questions. “What I think is crazy is that you are attributing us being in the same small town as some sign that means more than it does.” Those green eyes darkened to a shade of glistening emerald. “I moved out here to be alone. To be away from…people. Just because we met once doesn’t mean there is more to the picture. Therecan’tbe more to the picture.”

I hated that tears sprung to the back of my eyes. Honestly, I wasn’t sure why they were there. Deacon spoke the truth. We were just two people who happened to have met in a tragic way who wound up in the same town. It didn’t mean that fate played any part of it. No matter how much my heart yearned for it to be true.

But the seed of doubt he planted in my mind wasn’t as strong as the pull I had toward him.

“You say there can’t be more to it, but if that were true then you wouldn’t react to me the way you have been. Or are you a grumpy asshole with everyone?”

It wasn’t like me to curse at someone. My parents had raised me to be a lady with manners. But Deacon Calhoun got under my skin, and I wanted answers to his vague statements.

His bushy brows rose toward his hairline and my chest lightened at the sight of his half soot covered face in shock.

“I’m not an asshole,” he stated defensively.

I just blinked at him.

His shoulders deflated. “Fine. Maybe I’m not the nicest person you’ve come across. But like I said, I chose this place to be away from people for a reason.”

“And the reason is?” I cocked my head to the side. He wasn’t going to get off that easily.

His lips popped open. “I…” He closed his mouth, and his nostrils flared with frustration.

I sat next to him in silence, waiting for his walls to come down and show me some semblance of the man who rescued me. The one with kind eyes, a tender touch with the need to protect.

A shadow passed over his face as he shifted his gaze downward. “I just need you to trust that I’m not the guy you might think I am. So, whatever you’re trying to do, you just need to stop. It won’t end well for you.”

My heart cracked from his words, the room around us tilting slightly as what he said sunk in. And it was all ridiculous.Iwas ridiculous for thinking he felt the same way I did–a blossoming curiosity to know him.

It was probably just a trauma reaction in thinking that the thread between us that had kept me alive was more than just a fleeting moment in time. His rejection stung, more than I cared to admit. But I wasn’t going to let it ruin my experience here. I couldn’t.

I sucked in a deep breath. “You’re right. I think I let the loneliness of being away from my home get the best of me.” The emptiness of my words clanged around my mind, but he wasn’t giving an inch, so neither could I.

Letting the washcloth fall from my hand, I reached across us and offered a handshake. “Friends, then?”

His eyes lingered on my face for a moment before they dipped to my lips.

Okayyyy.Maybe I wasn’t crazy in thinking there was something between us. His mixed signals were giving me whiplash. But he’d made himself clear. He didn’t want me to push the subject, so I kept my thoughts to myself.

“Friends,” he grumbled before taking my hand in his and shaking it.

Hours after he’d helped me clean up the hearth and replace the old logs with new ones, I found myself lying in bed unable to stop thinking about the feeling of his palm pressed against mine.

I started to realize that it didn’t matter if Deacon returned my feelings. I was already in too deep and, just like he’d said,I knew this wasn’t going to end well for me.

Chapter 7

Deacon

Sleep evaded me again. My brain had buzzed all night long with thoughts of my conversation with Charlie. She’d wanted to know more about why I was the way I was with her.

I had been so close to telling her the truth. The truth being that for years, I’d been riddled with guilt from the day I couldn’t stop her from being severely injured. And how that experience was another fuck up in my long line of making shit decisions that negatively impacted other people.

I’d wanted to tell her. God, I wanted to tell her so badly.

But when the time came and her bright blue eyes shone with wondrous curiosity, I shut down. That old part of me—the one who’d built walls a mile high—won out. Brick by brick, they shot up leaving me looking like an asshole…once again.

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