Page 43 of Dare to Need

“So what are you telling me? That I should strive for more balance in my life? That was hard enough when I had a career that I loved.” Shocked at my admission, my eyes shot wide open as I searched my father’s face.

He met me with a knowing smile that curled up one half of his mouth. “It’s okay. I’ve known since you were a teenager that taking over the business was the farthest thing you wanted to do for your career. There’s no sense in hiding it now.”

I shot him an incredulous look. “Then why did you put so much pressure on me to take it over?”

He looked me straight in the eyes as he said, “Because it was the only thing I had to give to you.”

My heart thumped hard against my ribs.

“I know I went about it all wrong, but the company was the only thing I had to pass on to you boys. And it really meant something to me. The company was how I was able to provide for you two and your mother. It pained me to think of selling it off to another family when I knew it was something built to last. That when I leave this world, our family wouldn’t be at risk of being in poverty, as long as the company stayed in our family.

“But there’s no excuse for how I acted toward you and Garrett. Forcing you into thinking the company was your only way to success. Not giving you the support you needed while you were trying to sort out your own dreams. All those years we spent at each others’ throats could have been spent making memories. And this damn thing,” he lightly slapped the left side of his chest, “almost took me away too soon. I’ll never make that mistake again. Putting my pride before our relationship. I can promise you that.”

He was putting the boxing gloves down—waving the white flag. It filled me with something I couldn’t quite place. Relief, maybe? For years, the only thing I wanted was for there to be peace within our family. To maintain the kind of relationship I had with my parents when I was just a kid—before everything turned sour between my father and me. I didn’t realize until now just how tired I was of fighting him. The subtle jabs we’d throw at each other during the family gatherings to the blow-out fights we’d have when we were together for too long. All the moments when I just wanted to call him and my mom to tell them about one of my new pieces or how I won awards while at Parsons.

He was right. We spent too many years bickering about something that didn’t matter. Now we had the opportunity to lay it all to rest and move on.

“Dad, I want you to know that my decision to leave and move to New York had nothing to do with you or us fighting. I know it probably felt like I was abandoning our family and putting everything I wanted as a priority instead of our family. But that wasn’t why I left.”

His eyelids dropped a little. I knew he was getting tired, but I also knew he wouldn’t let me walk out the door without finishing our conversation.

“Whydidyou leave?”

“The answer to that question had been lost on me for a long time. At first, I thought Iwasrunning away. That I couldn’t take what our family had turned into anymore, so I left and tried to pursue a life of my own. The answer fluctuated over time as I was growing and learning more about myself. But over the last year, I think I finally uncovered the truth.”

With a subtle nod, he urged me to continue. “I wanted to prove to myself that I was good enough. That I wasn’t just a dead-beat heir to his father’s fortune who would never make something of himself. I’ve never told anyone this before, but I was terrified, dad.”

“Of what?” His brows pinched together.

“Of not living up to what you and mom built. Of not being good enough to have the Walker name.”

“Garth—“

“No, please let me finish,” I interrupted. “I didn’t grow up like you and mom. I was fortunate enough to have everything I could ever need. I never wanted for anything. Yet, somehow, that made me ache for something more. To show the world, and myself, that I was good enough to do what you did. That I could build something of my own from the ground up, without help, and succeed.”

“That’s why you were too stubborn about taking anything from us while you were in school,” he grunted.

A strangled laugh bubbled from my lips. “Yeah. I wanted to do it on my own.”

“I guess your stubbornness was our punishment seeing as how your mother and I are both mules when we want to be.”

“Which is pretty much all the time.” We both laughed, his timbre matching my own. And I realized I wasn’t sure when the last time we laughed together was.

“There’s another thing I’ve come to understand about myself. And given what I know now, it was probably the dominant reason for why I left.” He patted my hand. “Art is the one thing that has always helped me express myself. The good, the bad, and the ugly—I can say it all through my pieces. When I don’t know how I feel, creating guides me. It helps me sort through my emotions and gives meaning to them. So, when we were fighting a lot, I leaned into my work to help me make sense of everything. When I was at Parsons, I was able to channel all of those emotions into something productive. I was able to make something of myself.”

When I looked back up at my father, his eyes were glistening.

“I’m so sorry I tried to take that from you, Garth. I…I didn’t realize it meant so much to you. How it has helped shape you into the man you are today.”

My stomach twisted knowing that his words were true. Creating art was the one thing that kept me stable throughout all these years, every trial I’d ever faced. Now, I wouldn’t have the time to create the way I wanted to. That thought gave way to the anxiety I’d been trying to keep at bay since I sent the email to Studio 628.

“Well, I’m glad that we’re starting to learn new things about one another. That we’re able to move on and build something new. I’ve missed you, dad.”

The tears he was trying to blink back started to fall.

“I’ve missed you too, son.” He leaned forward and tugged me into a hug that transported me through time, landing in a distant memory of when I was just a boy and he was just my dad. It started to fill the hole in my heart that had been empty for years. While I knew we still had a long way to go, a lot of time to make up for, and damage to patch up, it was a start. One that I was incredibly thankful for, given that he was almost lost to me days ago.

As we pulled apart, we laughed awkwardly. Both of us were uncomfortable with the affection that just transpired. But there was a lightness to the air between us. It no longer felt sodden with tension and regret.

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