Page 58 of Dare to Fall

Connor:Eva, I know you’re pissed off at me, but how could you do this?

Connor:I seriously can’t believe you would do this to me. Did you leak the story to the news just to get back at me? What the hell?

Connor:And now you’re ignoring me. You’re such a bitch, Eva.

It felt like my heart jumped into my throat. He actually thought I had sold the story to the newspaper. And he called me a bitch. He’d never called anyone a bitch before, and now he was giving me the title, just one day after we broke up. My stomach turned to knots. I couldn’t handle this. It was too much.

But I couldn’t stop. It was like death by a thousand cuts. One betrayal after another. So, I did what any self-loathing masochist would and opened the messages from Paulina.

Paulina:Eva! Connor just told us everything. I can’t believe you would do that to him. You two have been together for such a long time and now you go behind his back and sell his story to the news just to get your revenge.

Paulina:I don’t think any of us can trust you now.

Tears poured down my face, splashing onto my hands. Paulina was taking Connor’s side. She thought so little of me that she believed I was the kind of person who would leak a story to the news. Before Connor and I had gotten together, it was just Paulina and me. We grew up together. Her house was just a few houses down from mine. She was my best friend, and now she was taking his side without even talking to me. My fingers flew over the screen as I typed out my response in a flurry.

Me:Well, he clearly didn’t tell you everything. And I would never do that, Paulina. I wasn’t the one who leaked the story. I can’t believe you’re actually taking his side when he fucking cheated on me.

Paulina:Whatever, Eva. You’ve barely been around this entire semester. Every time we try to hang out with you, you never respond. It’s no wonder Connor got fed up and moved on. And he told me about that artist guy. You can’t be mad at someone for cheating when you were doing the same thing with someone else.

Me:I NEVER cheated on Connor. Nothing happened between me and that guy. We just ran into each other downtown, and I was starving so we grabbed a bite to eat. And I’m not the one who was absent, Paulina. Every time I tried to spend time with Connor, he avoided me so he could spend more time cheating behind my back. Did he even tell you how long it’s been going on for?

Heat flooded through me as I watched the three little dots pop up on the screen, indicating Paulina was typing her reply.

Paulina:No, he didn’t tell us how long it’s been going on for. But that’s nothing compared to you trying to ruin his entire future by selling the story to the news. You’ve changed, Eva. We’ve all seen it. And now you have to deal with the consequences of your actions.

Me:I’m not doing this with you over text anymore, Paulina. You have it all wrong, and you aren’t even willing to hear me out. We’ve been best friends since kindergarten, and you’re siding with my ex-boyfriend. Why? Just so you can get closer to Brent? Give it up. He’s never going to choose you over Caroline.

As soon as I pressed the send button, I regretted it. I was so fucking angry with her, but she didn’t deserve for me to bring Brent into it. I watched as the three dots appeared and disappeared. A few minutes ticked by, and I just sat there, waiting for her to respond. But nothing came.

I didn’t have the mental capacity to respond to Connor or even read the group thread, so I tossed my phone onto the floor. It landed with a harsh thud. I threw myself into my pillows just as the tears turned on full force.

My throat tightened as the crying turned to sobbing. How did everything get to this point? It felt like it was just yesterday when everything was simple and easy. For a moment, I wished I could go back to that time, even if it meant I would be living a lie. It was just too much for me to handle. Sadness and frustration washed over me in violent waves.

I started to hyperventilate. The room spun as I sucked in gulps of air, frantically trying to calm the gripping anxiety that took over my body.

The door to my room swung open as Drema took in what I assumed was a pitiful sight. Her face fell as I choked on another vicious sob. She went to take a step toward me as my phone started to ring. Drema picked it up off the floor and showed me the screen. It was Garth calling.

I couldn’t speak, so I just shook my head, and she set my phone back on the nightstand before crawling into my bed and taking me into her arms.

She held me for what felt like hours until my eyes stung and my throat was sore. I clung to her like she was the only lifeline in a churning ocean that was trying to swallow me whole.

“Did you see the news?” I finally asked, my voice raspy.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Connor thinks it was me. He thinks I was the one who sold the story to the news.”

“It sounds like he’s pretty lost right now, Eva.”

“He told Paulina it was me and tried to make it sound like I was the reason we broke up. And she believes him. She’s taking his side when I need her most.”

“When did you talk to her?” Drema asked, rubbing her hands up and down my arm.

“Just before you came in. We were texting back and forth. Then, I said something I shouldn’t have, and now she won’t talk to me.”

“We all say things we don’t mean sometimes. I’m sure she will come around when you have a chance to talk to her in person. Texting isn’t exactly the best form of communication when there’s tension.”

“Ugh,” I sighed. “You’re right. I just couldn’t help but respond when I saw her message. I think she’s trying to stay in Connor’s good graces because she wants to be as close to Brent as she can. I just don’t get it. After everything her and I have been through. I need her, and she isn’t here.”

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