Page 80 of I Am Sin

Not that I didn’t enjoy it. She’s the best fuck I ever had.

I’m not sure I’ve ever wanted a woman quite so badly as I wanted her last night. And then this morning.

I roll over, sit on the edge of the bed.

My dick is hardening again.

I could have her again. I’ll be hard as a rock in a minute just thinking about her. Just thinking about how those walls feel around me. How her tightness clamped around my finger.

I need to get out of here, though.

My stuff is still packed, and I need to think.

To figure out how to get out of this whole soliciting thing.

Normally, when I’m in trouble, I call Jesse. But I’m not going to bother him on his honeymoon. I’ve caused him enough trouble the past several months.

Sunday. A day with nothing to do. A day where neither of us will leave the apartment.

That’s it.

I’m leaving.

I rise, head to my bathroom. Turn on the shower.

I already showered once this morning, before I packed up to leave, and though I hate the idea of rinsing Diana from me, I feel like a shower’s the right choice.

I’m kind of hoping she’ll join me, but already I know she won’t.

And that’s okay too.

I won’t fall in love with her.

I don’t fall in love. I’ve never been in love.

Hell, I don’t even know what love is.

I used to love my parents. Used to love Griffin.

But then my parents abandoned me.

And Griffin disappeared.

Bad things happen to the people I love. Or they do bad things to me.

I’ve talked a lot to the therapist about that. I’ve always known I can’t blame Griffin. She was only five years old.

I wish she had told my parents that I wasn’t the one who hurt her.

I wish a lot of things.

Because whoever hurt her that time came back.

They came back and they took her.

But I was gone by then, so I couldn’t protect her.

Forced into the system by my own parents who thought I was a threat to their little girl.

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