Page 52 of A Conflict of Interest

I curled up a little into myself. “Thanks. I’m still not so presumptuous as to think I’ve got a chance with her, but I think maybe… maybe she’ll want to spend some time around me. That maybe I’ll still be able to know her. And I guess I haven’t figured out where that goes, because it’s not like I can just golongingfor her forever, but… at the very least, I think my life is better with her in it.”

She paused. “Damn, all in on the sincerity, huh? I kind of like it, actually.”

“Five chili peppers of sincerity.”

“Kelcey came up with that, didn’t she?” she deadpanned, and I cleared my throat.

“I forget sometimes that she works for you and you know her just as well.”

She laughed. “Can’t believe I’m saying this, but hey, I’m rooting for you two. You bring out the best in each other. And I think at this point… you’re good for her. And kind of really what she needs.”

As if the complete unmaking of my character wasn’t already deep-rooted enough at this point, I found myself welling up a little, too. I wiped my eyes, taking a breath to make sureI cleared out and that it didn’t show in my voice, and when I spoke, it showed in my voice. “Yeah? You, uh… you think so?”

“You’re getting a little tearful right now over how much you love her and just want to be enough for her. So, yeah, I’m gonna say yes.”

“Dammit, I was hoping you wouldn’t be able to tell.”

“Hm. I’ve got a pretty keen eye for these things. Far too many years spent knowing you for my liking. Guess it’s a good thing you kept her underwear that first time and it gave you an excuse to reach back out.”

“God, Anna, don’t say that. That’s disgusting. This isn’t just some sexual affair.”

She laughed. “You’re so seriously down bad. It’s okay to be sexually attracted to her, too, you know. Sexuality isn’t something to be ashamed of. And… you can have sexual thoughts about—or even have sex with—someone in a way that’s respectful, caring, loving. Even kinky sex can be all… love, respect, adoration… you probably haven’t had a lot of that.”

“Kinky sex?”

“That’s absolutely not what I mean, sadly. Sex from a place of mutual respect. I mean, if anything, it’s even more integral then, isn’t it? Like, BDSM without mutual respect is just assault.”

“I’m glad to know you and Lucy take your dom/sub play seriously.”

“I’ll pull your teeth out with pliers. So, does this mean sincerity hours are over?”

I laughed. “Just that I’m erring on the side of staying respectful and not objectifying the poor woman after everything I’ve put her through. But, uh… thanks, Anna. I’m running out of five-chili-pepper sincerity, so I’ll use my last gasp of it to tell you I appreciate you supporting me and Kelce. It’s, um… I don’tthink we have a chance like that, but for once, I’d like it if I were wrong and you were right. I’d let you rub it in my face.”

“Hm. I’ll hold you to that.” She laughed. “All right, I’ve gotta get back to work. Are you going to be at the family party?”

“Ah, yeah, maybe… you know if the Goulds are going to be there too?”

“I mean, probably… they mooch off the family all the time.”

“Psh.Moochis one way to describe it. Apparently they and our parents are swinging now.”

There was a long pause before Anna, in the most horrified voice I’d ever heard, said, “I beg your pardon?”

“Yeah, Mom was chatting to me about thespecial bondthe four of them have… in a way that made it clear they’re either swingers or they’re having wild four-way group sex, but Mom would never.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Matthew Gould would, though.”

“God, he would. But I don’t want to think about that, this is bad enough. Oh, Jesus, I’m gonna be sick. Withmy client?”

“Mom sees what she wants and goes for it, I guess.”

“Oh my god, my life was so much better before this phone call. Oh… I’m going to throw up. Maybe I won’t make it to the family party.”

“I’ll let Mom know you’re too icked out by swingers to attend.”

“Don’t say a fucking word about it. And I don’t have anything against swingers in general, but—mymom?With myclient?”

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