Page 89 of Dear John

“No!” I shouted, refusing to back down. Maybe it was my pride or the reality that anything I said from this moment on would only make things worse.

“Why are you so stubborn? Why can’t you just tell me what I need to know?”

“What if I demanded the same from you? What if I wanted to know every detail from your relationship with Shawn? Would you be so willing to open up?”

“Yes! I have no secrets, Kavanaugh. There’s nothing for me to hide.” She turned and walked away from me, heading into the bedroom.

“What are you doing?”

“Leaving.”

“What? But we have the room for another night!”

“I don’t care. I’m done.”

Her words, while sharp and poignant, didn’t feel real. I didn’t want to believe she truly meant it. “We can talk about this.”

“Really? And what would we say?” she asked, grabbing her suitcase. “Would I tell you how pissed I am and then you would say something about accepting that there are some things you can’t tell me? And then we’d go to dinner and everything would be fine, right?”

“Isla, I just…I need time.”

“Time for what? To come up with another excuse? Time to figure out if you’re ever going to open up to me?”

“Would that solve anything?” I asked.

She stopped packing and turned to me, shaking her head slightly. “I don’t know, Kavanaugh. You have some serious trust issues, and until you figure out how to deal with that, I’m not sure where we go from here.”

I stormed over to her and took her hands in mine. “You choose to stay,” I answered. “You choose me because, despite all my faults, you still love me. I know you’ve never actually said thewords, but it’s there. I can feel it. That can’t be faked. It’s not something you can just throw away.”

She shook her head slightly as a tear slipped down her cheek. “I’m not the one throwing it away.”

Her fingers slipped from my hand and she stepped back, leaving me cold and alone. I could see it in her eyes, the need to have space, to be free of me. I knew I was hurting her, but I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t intend to hurt her. I just didn’t know how to open up and tell her everything she needed to know.

“I’ll leave,” I murmured. “You shouldn’t have to leave because of me.”

“Take Fox with you. I don’t want him coming over to cheer me up with musicals.”

I nodded, wishing I could laugh about the whole thing right now, but none of this was funny. “When will you come home?”

“I don’t know,” she sighed. “There’s no point in staying out here now.”

I shoved my hands in my pockets, trying to hold it together as I backed away from her. I’d truly fucked this up, and there was only a slim chance she would forgive me after this. Even so, I’d fight like hell for that small chance because she was worth it. She was everything.

“Do you need anything?”

She pressed her fingers to her forehead, rubbing slightly. “Just go.”

I nodded and headed for the door. I didn’t know how, but I’d find a way to get her back.

“We can’t really be leaving!”Fox said for the tenth time. “She’s gonna show up. Just you watch and see.”

“She’s not coming,” Anna said, playing a game on her phone and otherwise ignoring us.

“Of course she is. She loves him. Right?”

I shrugged. “She’s never actually said it.”

“Well, you’ve said it,” Fox chuckled. “Which makes all the difference in the world.”

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