Page 47 of Kings and Monsters

"I'm not totally helpless without servants," he said. "That much magic will knock you around, and I need you strong and healthy to keep me sane."

She winked at him over her cup. "I was never much good at that."

"You are better at it than most."

She ate a few mouthfuls of bread and the jittery feeling inside of her eased even if her craving for blood was still there. She would have to go out and hunt, her supplies gone in the last few days.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course you can," Bleddyn said and poured himself more tea.

"Is the magic the reason you never wanted the crown? Were you afraid of what you'd do with it?"

"It wasn't the magic. It was the forgetting," he admitted. "You said yourself that it was eating away at you. I didn't want only to be the king, and that's what I would be. It's why I was always closer to my uncles than to my father. There were times when he would have no idea who I was. I knew from the minute I was born that I was expected to take over from him, that I was the heir. I had resigned myself to that fate, but then I met you, and everything changed. It wasn't the kind of husband I wanted you to have.Youare the reason I never wanted to be king."

"And you didn't think it would've been better to let me go and then become king anyway?" Eirianwen said. She fiddled with thehandle of her cup, unable to look at him to see if he was teasing her or not.

"Letting you go isn't something I've ever been able to do," Bleddyn said softly. "I've never wanted anything more than I wanted you, not even a crown and a faerie kingdom."

"I'm not that girl anymore," Eirianwen said firmly.

"And you think that I'm the same man?" Bleddyn replied. "We are who we are, but some things will always be true. You still terrify me and make me want to kiss you."

"Even covered in ash and Seelie blood?" she teased.

"Especially then." He smiled and got to his feet. "I should get back to the palace. I need to wash and sleep though I don't like my chances with the generals all there, drinking my wine."

"Stay here," Eirianwen offered. "There are plenty of rooms."

"You wouldn't mind?"

"I wouldn't have offered if I did. You spent more time in this house than your own growing up. Pick a room. You know your way around."

Bleddyn gave her a small bow. "Thank you, my lady."

As soon as he left the kitchen, Eirianwen slumped over to hit her head on the kitchen table. She should've sent him on his way, but after the day she'd had, she didn't want to be alone. Even knowing someone else was in the house comforted her, if she didn't think too long about who it was. She pushed the burning thirst down further. She would hunt tomorrow. She couldn't go out now without him following her, and she wasn't ready to share that part of her with anyone.

Back in her own chambers, Eirianwen bathed the sticky ash from her body and the smell of smoke from her hair. She tried and failed not to think about Bleddyn doing the same. How many more scars would now decorate that huge body of his? He had been a prisoner to the queen after all, and she always knew how to leave a mark. A rumor was that they had also been lovers,but Eirianwen found that to be too infuriating to think about. Strangely, she didn't feel that way about his wife.

It comforted her to know that he had loved truly and that the queen hadn't completely destroyed his ability to do so. He had Merlin, a son of his blood and many, many more of his adopted family around him. They fought like cats, but anyone could see Merlin loved his father and Rosa adored Bleddyn. Her mind drifted back to the breakfast she had shared with Merlin before he left.

"He can be a right prick as you know, but when he loves you, it's hard and deep and annoyingly forever," Merlin had told her. "Be careful not to do something stupid like die or break his heart. I don't think I could handle him if he lost you again." He hadn't explained further, only kissed her hand and said his goodbyes. It had left her feeling hot and irritated and desperate to fight something.

She had tried her entire life to forget Bleddyn Seren Du. She had taken lovers who hadn't known her new nature and weren't afraid of her reputation. They never lasted long. Something had broken too deep inside of her, and the relationships had never been the same. Maybe Bleddyn brought out the worst in her, or the best, but being around him eased her mind as much as it felt like hot wires were constantly poking at her.

There was a tap at her door, and she pulled her robe tightly around herself before opening it. Bleddyn had showered and looked like a king again. A pissed off king. His eyes scanned her face, and his frown deepened.

"What do you want?" she asked, folding her arms.

"You're starving. I can feel it beating against my head. Why haven't you fed?" he said, stepping into the room.

"It's none of your business."

"It is if I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. Why are you starving yourself?"

"I don't want to hunt. I've taken enough life for one day," she said, knowing he would sense the lie. He had been a part of her today, and it would take a while to untangle that connection.

"You're only drinking animals?" Bleddyn asked, sitting down on her chaise lounge.

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