Page 68 of Cry of the Firebird

"Not that I'm aware of. I don't see how it could end well, no matter how careful you are."

Anya chewed her lip before admitting, "I don't think that's enough to scare me off. I know you mean well, and that's why you're trying to warn me, but I can't help what I'm starting to feel. I kissed him, and I want to do it again. Badly."

"I knew something must have happened by the goofy way he keeps looking at you," Cerise said, stubbing out her cigarette. "Trajan's big enough and old enough to make his own decisions, as are you. Just don't say I didn't warn you. If you're looking for a normal relationship, you aren't going to get it with him."

"I know that, but I'm not going to be a much easier partner with all of the magic and impending doom around me. You know him best. Any idea on the right way to approach him about it?" Anya asked.

"Go and talk to him and find out where he stands in the matter. You're starting to look all sad and lovesick. It's always better to clear the air with these things, and that way, there are no hurt feelings. He's gone back to his room for the night, so think about it." Cerise paused by the bedroom door, her hand resting on the handle. "He's my best friend, Anya. It doesn'tmatter how much I like you. If you make him take this chance with you, and you hurt him, I'll kill you."

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

An hour later, Anya stood outside of Trajan's door, trying to summon the courage to knock. She had tried to talk herself out of going to him, but after Cerise's talk, Anya knew she wasn't going to sleep until she did. She smoothed her hair back nervously and knocked, opening it a little to stop herself from running back to her room like a scared little girl.

"Trajan?" She stuck her head in and looked around the dimly lit room.

"Anya, what's wrong?" Trajan walked out of his bedroom, holding a book, his glasses sitting on the bridge of his nose. She had been right; he was definitely nerd hot with glasses on.

"Nothing is wrong. I was just...after a book. I can't sleep," she stammered, feeling like an idiot.

"There's a library downstairs you can help yourself to," he replied, turning the one in his hands over a few times.

"Right, thanks." Anya turned back towards the door, cursing her own cowardice.

"Would you like some company?" he asked, making her hand freeze on the door.

"Yeah, if you aren't busy. Or tired."

Trajan smiled, and her toes curled in her slippers. "I'm not busy or tired. Take a seat, Anya. Would you like a drink?"

"Please," Anya said, sitting down on one of the couches that were arranged around a carved oak coffee table. Trajan turned on a tall, led light lamp next to her and placed a glass of vodka in front of her.

"What are you reading?" she asked as he poured himself a scotch. She looked over to the deserted volume. "Stories and Legends of Pagan Russia," she read aloud. "Are you catching up on Yvan's biography?"

"No. I was actually looking for references to Yanka," Trajan said, sitting down beside her.

Anya frowned at the book. "I thought you knew Ilya. Wasn't Yanka his mother?"

"According to Ilya, she didn't stay with them for very long. He had memories of her until he was about five years old, and then she disappeared. I thought that if I could find out anything more about her, it may be able to help you," Trajan explained.

"You have all helped me too much as it is. I could never be able to pay back any of you." Anya sipped her vodka as she thought about it. If any of them were hurt protecting her, she would blame herself forever.

"We don't do any of it with the thought of being paid back, Anya. We do it because we know you are worth it, even if you don't think you are, so banish that ridiculous notion from your mind."

"I have a lot of ridiculous notions in my mind," she replied. The vodka was warming her and loosening her tongue. She shouldn't have accepted another drink but felt like she needed it for courage. "I talked to Cerise tonight."

Trajan leaned back in his chair. "Oh, what about?"

"About thanatos and human relationships. She said you've never had one because you could accidentally feed on someone if you lose control."

Trajan's dark brows drew together in annoyance. "Did she now? And what are your thoughts on the matter."

"You probably just need some practice," Anya said, making his frown change to a grin. "Is it true there's never been a thanatos and human relationship?"

Trajan hummed and took another drink. "That she knows of, perhaps. I don't see how what has happened with others pertains to us anyway."

"Well, for starters, she thinks that there is anus." Anya swallowed hard, her pulse in her throat. "Is there?"

"Ah, so this is why you were pacing outside my door," Trajan said and put his drink down. "Very well, let's talk about facts first. Fact, I'm not human even though I look like one. I feed off life force and could very well feed off you if I lose control. That should worry you."

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