Page 2 of Santa's Knotty Workshop

“Oh, I wish our Santa would use this on me. Spank me, Santa, I’ve been naughty!” He bit his finger, and it should’ve been gross, but also it came across as flirty. Sex was weird.

They all laughed.

“You’ve always been naughty,” I snorted, trying to blend in more than I did, which was none.

Also, it was absolutely true. People knew Chester for his mischievous ways. I’d only known him a couple of days, but he’d made it more than clear that he had his sights set on Santa 69. No one was going to get in his way. At first, I thought he was implying he thought I was trying to get in his way or something. He wasn’t. He thought everyone was after Santa 69.

He was wrong. I wasn’t. As if a Santa would be interested in a lowly elf like me. Even if Santa 69 was absolute perfection personified. None of us in here were good enough for him.

“What are you snorting at, Percy?” Chester sneered. “You wouldn’t even know what to do with a whip like that. Or any of these cocks on this table. Have you even seen one in real life—aside from your own?”

Of course, he was the one elf to see me and my inexperience. Or maybe they all did, and he was the only one rude enough to bring it up. Lesson learned; I wasn’t ever going to fit in, so why even bother?

I glared with all my might, which was hard, considering I was an elf and being nice was part of my job description. How he managed to be such a sour apple, I’d never know. Maybe he needed more cocoa breaks to fill him with sweetness.

I kept working, ignoring his taunting. No good would come from pushing things.

“Leave them alone and get back to work, Bernard,” Willy called out. I wasn’t even sure what Bernard had done, but I knew enough to know I didn’t want to look and find out. “There’s only seven days till Christmas, and we’ve got a lot of packages to get ready.”

All around me, the elves returned to work. A few of them continued chatting about testing out different toys and how much they liked certain features—this one that vibrated, or that other one with ridges.

Meanwhile, I did not know what any of that meant. Which one would I like? More constant vibration? Different buzzing patterns? Did color really matter, or was it more about girth or length? How did you even know which one was right?

It all seemed so complicated—something I really should have figured out before now. Whoever approved my transfer did thedepartment a disservice, that was for sure. I was not the elf for this job.

I continued boxing dildos up, singing Christmas Carols in my head, finding a rhythm and being a productive elf, when I stopped short. The most amazing dildo I’d ever seen—and I’d seen a lot of them in my short time here—fell into my lap. Literally.

It was massive. I could barely hold it with both hands. It was nearly impossible to fit my hands around. How did people use something this size? Maybe it wasn’t for humans? Maybe it was for the Yeti or Krampus?

I should have boxed it up and been done with it. But I couldn’t. I stared at the flesh-colored toy coated in a sheen of sparkle, looking almost like it was glistening. The velvety softness felt right in my hands. For the first time since I arrived, I wanted a toy. Maybe I should give it a try. Everybody else was enjoying the toys; maybe I could, too. It was research, right?

Without a second thought, I boxed it up and slipped it into my bag. Not an easy feat, considering its length, but everyone was too busy working to notice. Or if they noticed, they probably wouldn’t care. At the most, they would give me a pat on the back for finally settling in.

If all went well tonight, Chester wouldn’t be able to taunt me for my lack of experience much longer.

Chapter 2

Nick

Seven Days Until Christmas Eve

“Santa, are you even listening?”

I wasn’t, but I wasn’t about to tell my head elf, Bertram, that. He had been with me for years, and he put up with my less-than-professional tendencies, my unusual production line, and my inability to stay out of my head. He was a keeper.

Working in Santa’s naughty adult workshop wasn’t for everyone. It took creativity, inspiration in all the unusual places, and playfulness. How could he expect us to be serious all the time? I couldn’t even imagine how boring our toys would be if we were.

Our job was to provide naughty toys to the adults of the world and help to fulfill their very steamy, very dirty fantasies. It was the best job ever, and when I first discussed creating it, there were several elves who thought I’d lost my mind. Why would we make items for adults? They don’t even believe in us.

Except funny thing about that… once we filled a few wish lists, the word got out and now we were one of the busiest departments here. People from all over the world wrote Santa letters with very specific items on their list. The elves who worked in the intake department often had to take extra breaks, thanks to the inspiration those letters inspired. We were a perfect example of if you build it, they will cum.

Dildos, handcuffs, and sex toys surrounded us. Most people couldn’t even imagine. We loved to specialize in creating the toys they wished were readily available to be delivered to their home in little brown packages but weren’t yet. It was kind of cool seeing some of our designs showing up on virtual store shelves. We weren’t proprietary about things like that. The more who came, the better, in my opinion.

Creativity was key to our success, for sure. Sugar Plums, my pencil holder was a hollowed-out dildo suctioned to my desk. The list that I checked twice? Well, let’s just say no one cared if people were naughty—that was the whole point. Adults needed a little fun, so why not give it to them?

“Yes, I heard you,” I replied. “I’ve heard you for the past several years. You’ve been telling me I need to find a mate. I need to make an heir.” He was like a broken record about that. “I need to do this. I need to do that. And how many times have I told you I have this well in hand?”

I leaned back into my plush leather chair and propped my boots onto my desk. He meant well, he did. But it was getting to be a real pain in my cookie to have him riding my candy cane like this. Some things were not his business, which was part of the reason I hadn’t kept him informed.

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