Page 17 of Golden Atonement

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“Is it possible to get a message to Ari?”

He cocked his head and asked, “Why?”

“Emma. She’s not happy here with me. Ari knows her better. I think she would be happier with someone she’s more comfortable with. Maybe she should stay with Ari and Ghost for a while. Plus, Emma is friends with Becca. I think Emma would like that.”

“Remi. Emma is your daughter.”

I slowly shook my head. “No. No, she’s not. She is his daughter. She hates me, Dakota. She’s not happy here. She hates me. She hates everything, including being homeschooled. She doesn’t want to be here. Stuck with me twenty-four seven. The person who took her away from him. She will never forgive me.”

“Remi,” Dakota sighed. “She’s hurt. She just found her dad and then, in the blink of an eye, she lost him again. She’s going to be angry. I know you don’t see it right now, but you and Emma are making progress. Give therapy a chance. Angelica is particularly good at what she does. Emma is where she needs to be. You take her away from her brother and the only mother she’s ever known. You will lose her forever.”

“You’re right,” I whispered, looking towards the waves that crashed against the beach. Sometimes I wanted so much to walk into the waters and disappear beneath and forget everything.

“Stop second-guessing yourself, Remi. You are doing everything right,” Dakota said, walking away.

I looked back at my therapist’s house, then the one where Dakota and his team lived. Sandwiched between my therapist and my jailer, I was stuck.

Okay. He wasn’t exactly my jailer, but it felt like that sometimes when all I wanted to do was to disappear into the void. I knew his heart was in the right place, but sometimes it was fruitless saving someone who didn’t want to be saved.

If they knew the truth about me, they would walk away and never look back.

July 11, 2023

Reaper

The door unlocked.

I’d lost count of the days. It had been so long since either of them came to see me. I knew the longer they stayed away, the more trouble they would get themselves into. They didn’t understand the ramifications of their actions. I’d bet what was left of my soul they did now. Stupid motherfuckers would never change. They only saw what they wanted.

Never the bigger picture.

Time was a funny thing. Most people used time to reflect, to understand, and to come to grips with their actions. They took time to heal and regroup, to accept the things they couldn’t change.

Not me.

Time was nothing more than wasted space, where I could think and plot my next move. I didn’t need to be present in the real world to know what the fuck was going on. I already knew.

I saw it all clearly, as if I were living amongst them.

They fucked up.

It was the only plausible reason for both of them to be here. The question was, how bad? Oh, I could take a guess. I could imagine the worst, but it would pale compared to the truth.

I sat there on the bed, holding her face in my hands.

I refused to move. I didn’t cause whatever happened. That was all on them. They only had themselves to blame.

Reap what you sow.

I believed that. Lived by it.

Now they would understand that actions had consequences.

It was a tough lesson to learn, but even the most stubborn fucker eventually learned. I wondered what it cost them.

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