Page 18 of Jackass

Jack’s not him.

Jack’s not him.

I just needed to keep telling myself that. Remind myself I was safe with Jack. He wouldn’t hurt me. My heart knew that to be true. I couldn’t convince my brain, though.

“You could have made it right two years ago when you started working at The Diner. I was here, goddammit! You knew I wanted you. I made sure you knew I wanted you.”

“You’re hurting me, Jack,” I whimpered.

He dropped his hands immediately and stepped back.

“You said you chose me. That you wanted me. Was that another fucking lie, Sammy?”

“Jack, no, that wasn’t a lie.” I grabbed his arm.

I needed him to know that much was true. If he accepted nothing else from me, I wanted him to accept that.

“I chose you, Jack. I wanted you.”

He yanked his arm away from my grasp.

“If you wanted me, you could have had me.” He walked toward the door that led to the hallway. Pausing with his hand on the knob, he turned back and looked at me. I couldn’t bear the look on his face. “For two years you’ve held me at arm’s length, and you want me to believe you wanted me? Fuck you, Samantha!”

He opened the door and left.

I dropped myself onto the end of the bed and cried. He didn’t call me Sammy. I hated being called Sammy.Hecalled me Sammy. I had asked Jack not to call me Sammy, but he never listened. I’d gotten used to it. I hadn’t expected to feel so defeated when he called me by my full name.

I don’t know how long I sat there, consumed by my misery. I didn’t know what I was going to do. Quickly, my thoughts turned to Charlie. Would he try to take her away from me? Would he punish her for my actions?

No.

Jack wasn’t like that. I didn’t know him well when I chose him to be the father of my child. I didn’t need to. All I’d needed to know then was that he wasn’t cruel. I knew him now, though.

For the last two years, I had gotten to know quite a few of the Silver Shadows. They were rough. They were crass. They were, honestly, assholes. But they weren’t cruel. Not to a woman, and definitely not to a child.

A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts. This wasn’t my room. I couldn’t just tell someone to come in. So, I stood from the bed, wiped my eyes, and walked to the door. When I swung the door open, Beck stood there with Charlie.

“Hi, Mommy. I had ice cream! Uncle Blade let me have three flavors.” She held up three fingers, holding the other two down with her other hand.

“Three flavors? Wow, sounds like you had a great time with Uncle Blade and Auntie Beck.” I looked up at Beck and mouthedthank you.

Placing her hand on my arm, Beck asked, “Are you ok?”

I took a deep breath.

“Baby, can you go sit on the bed for a minute?” I waited until she climbed up on the bed and moved closer to the door. Lowering my voice, I answered, “I’m not sure. We didn’t really talk much before he got upset and left. I should get Charlie home.”

I turned to look at my baby girl.

She was so innocent. She didn’t deserve to be stuck in the middle of this mess I created.

“Um, Samantha.” I turned back to Beck. “Jack said you are staying here tonight.”

“What?”

“He asked me to see if you needed anything for tonight because you were staying.”

“Like hell am I staying here! Where is he?”

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