Page 78 of Laugh

Today is definitely not the day that I’m going to face off with them. But it’s coming. It has to. Deborah was right when she said that something like this makes you realize how important family is. What she doesn’t realize is that your family is the one that you choose to be around. Blood doesn’t mean everything. Marcus was my family. He was closer to me than my own brothers. I love them, but I don’tknowthem.

Beau’s arm is resting across the back of my chair when the service starts. He doesn’t even flinch when I dig my nails into his thigh as the pastor speaks, filling us in on all things related to life and death. His words fill my ears, but I’m not hearing what he’s saying. I don’t want to hear anything. All I can do is stare at the blue, shiny urn surrounded by a floral arrangement where Marcus’s body is now held.

Tilting my head to the side, I’m fascinated by the fact that his tall, thin body can fit inside that tiny thing. It’s so hard to fathom that he’s right there, but not really there.

“Baby,” Beau whispers into my ear, jerking me from my thoughts. I look up at him in confusion. He nods his head toward the front, where the pastor has his eyes on me with a gentle smile on his face. “It’s time, happy girl.”

With a deep breath, I stand up and straighten the skirt of my dress. I look over at Momma B and her husband, both looking at me with watery smiles, and I force one back. Bending over, I press a kiss to the corner of Beau’s mouth, grab the few pieces of paper where I’ve written my goodbye to my best friend, and make my way to the podium.

The pastor moves to the side to give me space and when I turn around; I find Beau. I didn’t realize it, but he followed me to the front where he’s now squatting next to Mr. O’Brien’s chair so he could be right here with me.

Beau’s eyes are filled with compassion and support andlove. I know I have to start talking, but I can’t. Not until he knows how much he means to me.

Looking directly at him, I smile the biggest one I can muster and mouth, “I love you”. Warmth fills me when he straightens up, like he wants to come to me, but he stops himself. He doesn’t say it back, but he nods his head once. His eyes screaming everything; all the words he wants to say back to me.

Looking away from him, I find Cara O’Brien’s eyes, then Declan O’Brien, and run my gaze over the rest of bodies sitting in the room with them.

This feels like the longest goodbye I’ve ever had to say, but it also happened in the blink of an eye.

Chapter 30

The Funeral

Haddie

Swallowing, I take a moment to ground myself then look out.

“My name is Haddie Byer, and Marcus’s parents asked me to speak today. To share what I could about the man who’s been my absolute best friend throughout my entire life. Some of you may find it shocking to know, but Marcus was incredibly proud of his Irish heritage, which is something the two of us bonded over and ran with. He and I would spend hours scouring the internet, then memorizing the most awful and hilarious drinking toasts out there, and it became a tradition for us.

“Marcus was nothing if not competitive, and he had some doozies. I’d share one of his crasser ones, but I don’t think the pastor here would appreciate that.” Offering an apologetic smile to the man I’m speaking of, he simply grins and nods for me to continue. “So instead, I’d like to give Marcus an Irish blessing.”

May the road rise up to meet you.

May the wind be always at your back.

May the sun shine warm upon your face,

The rains fall soft upon your fields,

And, until we meet again,

May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

Fighting back tears, I admit, “I miss him. I miss him more than I need air to breathe, and I can’t stand the thought of a world where we all don’t get to spend just one more day with him. Twenty-eight years was not nearly enough of his smiles and laughter and kind words. It’s clear how many people he’s touched, some every day, some less, but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you experienced him and get to hold those memories forever.

“As much as I want to stand here and share with you every memory I have of him, I’m afraid we’ll be here for much too long. The most important thing I want you to know is how much you all meant to him.Youwere what made him rich in life.” I smile at everyone, and I see a few people nod their heads in agreement.

Looking at Beau again, I feel my heart skip a beat over the way he’s staring at me, absorbing every word I share about my friend. I seriously couldn’t be doing this without him.

“Marcus always shared with me when he got to speak to his aunt for an extra half an hour on the phone,” I say, looking over at Momma B’s sister, who sucks in a shaky breath. “Or when he ran into a friend we haven’t seen since high school.” My eyes find one of the boys we graduated with. “He spoke about the people he worked with and found true friendships with you all.” I point toward the group in the back where all of his coworkers are sitting together.

Then I find Addie’s eyes, so happy that Jensen is sitting next to her, holding her as she sobs quietly into his side. “In college, the two of us found some very special people he was quick to welcome into his fold. Every single one of you meant the world to him. Know that you made his life feel full.”

I stop to collect myself before I get to the hardest part of this entire thing. Turning my body toward his parents, I wait until Mr. O’Brien finds my eyes.

“Marcus was your pride and joy. I could see it with every interaction you two had together. He respected the hell out of you and would always hold his head just a little higher when you told him how proud of him you were. You taught him how to be a man, and I swear to you, he was agoodman. The best,” I choke out when I see him cover his face. “Declan, you are a phenomenal father and I hope you know how proud he was to be your son.”

I watch as Beau lays his hand over the man’s heaving shoulders in comfort and blink away my rapidly rising tears.

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