Page 51 of Velvet Deception

Fleeing my past couldn’t be possible, but as I sprinted to lose Manny at the market, I wished that I could retract and delete all my wishes to regain my memories.

If my past held the taint of a relationship with the criminal organization that had abused and frightened Sofia, she wouldnever, ever let me near her or Ramon again. I would never be someone she could love or want.

The little family I was hedging all my bets on could cast me out if my past caught up to me, if I learned once and for all that I was involved with the Cartel.

And the hope blooming in my heart that I could have a future with my angel faded and dimmed with every frantic step I took to dismiss and reject what I learned at the market.

21

SOFIA

Four days before Christmas, I got an early present. Xavier came in early to work at the clinic and wanted to pick up some overtime. Selena, of course, tried to make it happen since she was related to him, and Pamela did not want to adjust her day because her husband was supposed to pick her up at her normal quitting time. I never turned down the opportunity to work because I was so used to living frugally and needing to earn every single penny I could. For the first time, though, I stepped up to go home to let Xavier get more hours.

“Yeah, I can head home early.” It felt so foreign and was not something that I would normally say. They all looked at me, surprised.

I shrugged. “I could use a little extra time to get things ready for Christmas. Ramon is in school, and I can get some things done at home without him there.”

That was the story I was sticking to. It wasn’t a lie. There were a few things that I needed to get done, but I was mostly excited about the chance to spend time with Diego.

I headed home thrilled to surprise him. I spent so much time working, and I felt guilty about his feeling useless and bored at home until he could get a job. There was no point that we could agree upon for him to get a job. It seemed that when he decided to reenter society, he would need to do so with the risk of somebody coming after him.

Today was not that day. I parked my car and went inside, smiling wide when he stood from the couch and looked at me with his brows very high.

“Surprise,” I said, walking toward him and ready to hug him. Feeling his strong arm around me was one of the best feelings in the world. He was my faith. He was my ultimate comfort.

He hugged me back, resting his chin on the top of my head. “You’re home early. What happened?” He leaned away to look at me in the face, seeming to search me for an answer.

I supposed that if I didn’t sound so happy, he would have been alarmed. I never came home early. I was a workaholic to the bone. Any deviation from the routine would be a cause for surprise. That wasn’t the case right now.

“There was a little change in the staffing today. I had an opportunity to come home early so I took it. I wanted to spend some time with you.” I stared up at him, admiring those deep, soft, brown eyes that I could get lost in so easily.

Hugging me tight, he acted as though he never wanted to let me go, yet he didn’t seem at peace. While I thought my early arrival home would be something for him to celebrate and to enjoy, he didn’t act like he was very happy about it.

It was my turn to ask him the same question. “Diego, what’s wrong?” If something was going on, I wanted him to come out with it and tell me.

“I feel like I am getting closer to understanding who I was. And the closer I come to figuring it out, I worry that I might not like who I was before.”

That made no sense. I struggled to understand why he suddenly had these issues with self-esteem. It didn’t seem like him, and while I didn’t know everything about him and I hadn’t known him for very long, I had a good feeling that I was correct. Diego wasn’t a sensitive man who needed reassurance. He was strong, both in body and mind.

Something had to have triggered him to talk like this and think like this.

“I don’t understand.”

“I worry that I wasn’t a good person before, my angel. I worry that if and when I figure out who I was, you won’t see me in the same light.”

“Diego, I see you right now, here before me, and I know that you are a good man.”

“No, you only want to believe that because that’s all you know. I can’t escape the possibility that I did bad things before and that I have a dark past you won’t approve of.”

“Everyone makes mistakes. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

“No, I’m not talking about mistakes. I’m talking about if I was a dangerous and violent man. If I am inherently bad, and not a good man for you to want to be with.”

I couldn’t believe that he would actually think this. This man had proven time and again how much he cared about me. He showed me how much I mattered all the way to the point that he risked his life for me. He’d killed for me. If there were any other more serious and permanent way to show loyalty and compassion, that was it. I had no doubt in my mind.

“No one is only good. And no one is only bad. That’s the nature of humans. A good man can do bad things just the same as every bad guy can do some good. We are all capable of good and bad.”

“No, there are bad people out there for a reason and we should avoid them.”

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