Page 71 of Acedia

“Was it a nice home life?” Cora asked, sounding doubtful.

“The group homes can suck,” Jade added. “But we all had each other, you know? We were all in it together. The worst part was that we worked long as hell hours for pennies and were told we should be grateful to have a roof over our heads. It was exploitative as fuck.”

“I didn’t work. I just… stayed in the attic.”

“All the time?” Jade asked, horrified.

“Sometimes, if we were certain no one was going to visit the house, I could walk the paths around the property with my nana and Tilly.”

“Did you ever go anywhere else?” Cora pressed.

“Not until a spontaneous trip to Utah—my nana died, they didn’t know what else to do with me. And then here.”

They were quiet for a long moment.

“That sucks, dude,” Jade said with a whistle. “I mean, the labor camp group home also sucked, but at least I got to have a gas station hot dog sometimes, you know? Break up the monotony.”

“You must be so glad you came here,” Cora added.

“Oh, absolutely. It was the best decision I ever made,” I said decisively. “How about the two of you?”

Cora laughed. “I never had any doubts that it would be a good choice.”

“I was sent here as a human sacrifice, but it’s all worked out in the end,” Jade deadpanned. “I like it a lot more here than the human realm.”

“This might be a little forward of me to bring up since we just met, Iris, but oh my gosh. The way the prince looks at you.” Cora sighed dreamily. “It’s the talk of the court.”

“How does he look at me?”

“Like you’re his center of gravity. Like the sun rises and sets with you. Like nothing in the world matters but your happiness. If my future Shade wife doesn’t look at me like that, I don’t want her. Right, Jade?”

“I’d prefer a husband,” Jade replied, her tone giving nothing away while my heart seemed to be thudding out of my chest. “Despite my best efforts in the human realm, I remain chronically attracted to dick only. But right now, I’d prefer no one. Commitment is a horrifying concept.”

I latched onto the idea of talking about their romantic lives rather than mine. I had no idea what I was doing, and I was increasingly worried that my behavior was unkind. Cruel, even. I’d already rejected Damen’s marriage proposal. Was it wrong of me to continue the physical relationship we were developing?

“You shouldn’t rush if it’s not something you’re interested in. Have you been… dating, Cora?” I asked, fumbling around for the word I wanted. It seemed like such a human concept, and I wasn’t really sure what the norm was here.

“Courting,” she corrected gently. “And no. When my brother was alive, he really hated the idea. And then he died and was, you know, a traitor or whatever and even the Shades who’d been kind of interested in me backed all the way off.”

“Want me to talk to them?” Jade asked sharply. “Anyone who thinks you’re anything like your brother is a fucking idiot, and I’ll tell them that myself.”

“That’s really okay,” Cora replied hastily. “You don’t have to do that. I’m going to prove with my actions that I’m trustworthy, even if it takes a little longer to convince everyone. This is my home. I want to build a reputation that lasts.”

“What if they never change their mind about you?” Jade asked, voice laced with suspicion.

In some respects, Jade reminded me of Nana. Nana had lived through incredibly hard times, and she’d always expected the worst. When I was young, I hadn’t understood why she’d lash out over everything—even good things—but I got it a little more now. Even when something was good, she didn’t expect it to last. She hurtitbeforeithurt her.

It hadn’t made her easy to live with, but at least I understood.

“They will,” Cora replied confidently. “If Astrid can turn things around, then I definitely can. And me proving myself will hopefully make it easier for new ex-Hunters who come to this realm with good intentions—even if their families didn’t have the best track record. We set the example here, right? What we domatters. I want to be a good role model.”

Both Jade and I were quiet, and I wondered if she was reflecting on Cora’s words or if she was intimidated by them. I was somewhere between the two.

Perhaps it was just my ego talking, but I wanted to matter. I’d spent my entire life so far being invisible—I wanted the next few decades of my life to mean something. I wanted to make a difference in the lives of the children I interacted with in the nursery. I wanted them to see that it was okay that I was different from them. That different wasn’t a bad thing.

I wanted to be truly a part of life at the palace, so that when new ex-Hunters came here, they saw what that could be like.

And I’d already started. It was a buoying feeling to realize that I was already building those foundations, and they had to the potential to form something strong.

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