Page 69 of Acedia

“Poor girl,” Iris said guiltily. “We were inside a lot this afternoon. I didn’t give her a break.”

“I should have thought about it too. She seems fine now, though,” I assured Iris. “Did you want to head back in? We can walk Tilly in the garden if you prefer. I can send for some dinner from the kitchens later.”

“Are you sure? You don’t want to join the others for dinner?”

“There will be plenty more dinners in the dining hall. One every night, in fact. I’ve barely missed any since childhood.”

“Well, I’m sure Tilly and I would both appreciate a walk around the gardens, if it’s not too much trouble.”

“You’re never any trouble, Iris,” I assured her, inspiration striking me. “There’s a covered walkway on the edge of the palace gardens with flowers that only bloom at night. The smell can be quite heady,” I warned, though it was nothing compared to the scent of Iris’s happiness.

“That sounds amazing, I’d love to go there. Thank you, Damen.”

She was so effusive in her gratitude. It made me want to do better, to be better. To be more openly and enthusiastically grateful for all of the beauty and comfort in my life that I’d taken for granted.

“That was an interesting conversation at the table,” I commented once we were in the privacy of the gardens. There were some members of the Guard on patrol, but they discreetly gave us space.

“Oh, yes. Harlow likes Ruvyn very much, I think.”

“Yeah?” I glanced down at her, stupidly surprised at her astute observation. I should have known by now that Iris was always paying attention. “I think Ruvyn likes her too.”

“That’s sweet,” Iris sighed, smiling to herself. I wished I could crawl inside her head and find out what she was thinking. “Have you ever been married before?”

That’swhat she was thinking about? I nearly choked on my own tongue. “No, never. I’m guessing you haven’t?”

She laughed. “No, definitely not. I suppose I’m wondering how it all works here—how common it is. Giles wasn’t my biological father, you know. Well, no, you don’t know. I’ve never really talked about it.”

I tightened my arm, pulling her in a little closer. “Did your father die?” I asked, thinking of the way Orabelle had taken me in after my mother died in childbirth.

“No, no. Well, not as far as I know. My blindness is due to a genetic condition—from what Nana told me, after my sight had already gotten really bad, my dad admitted that his brother had experienced the same thing. Moriah divorced him, feeling deceived, I guess. I don’t know whether he wanted to take me with him or not, but Nana said Moriah wasn’t willing to risk him telling people that she was my mother, so she kept me instead and sent him away. She’s a Councilor, so she could do that kind of thing.” Iris paused, tilting her head back thoughtfully. “‘Nash’isn’t really my last name, but I was never told any other, so I just started calling myself that in my head. The twins are much younger than me, born after Moriah eventually remarried.”

What a horrible childhood Iris had been given. Made to feel like a dirty secret right from the very beginning, hidden away and ignored, and eventually replaced with children that her mother had wanted more.

“That’s awful. I’m so sorry you went through that. Was Giles kind to you?” I asked, hoping that it was at least slightly less terrible than her mother.

“He wasn’t cruel. He never came up to the attic, and seemed mostly content to just ignore my existence. I only heard from him when the twins would sneak up and he’d have to come and fetch them.”

“Were they kind to you?”

Iris hesitated. “I didn’t know any different then. At the time I would have probably said yes—that they were as kind as they could be, and that it wasn’t their fault that I was such a burden on my family. Now, I’d say no,” she added hastily before I could express my outrage at that response. “I suppose I still struggle to hold them entirely at fault for it. One thing I’ve learned from visiting with the little Shades in the nursery is that being afraid of anyone or anything that’s different from yourself is a skill that can be both learned and unlearned. The twins were conditioned to hate me, and they did it very well. I feel sorry for them that their hearts are filled with so much anger.”

“I feel like I want to murder them,” I volunteered.

Iris’s mouth turned down in a faintly disapproving way, but nothing in her scent indicated alarm. “I’d prefer you didn’t do that.”

“Then I won’t,” I sighed. “Your wish is my command.”

Iris breathed deeply before spluttering slightly. “Are we at the night flowers? Wow, that isstrong.”

“It is,” I laughed. “If you came here during the day, you wouldn’t smell anything at all.”

“That’s so interesting,” Iris murmured, breathing more shallowly this time as we stepped under the arched walkway where flowery vines bloomed overhead. “Will you describe it to me?”

“During the day, there are giant leaves overhead with large, heavy flower buds drooping down. Now, they have opened—the flowers are probably as big as your head. In the past they were gray, but since the ex-Hunters started moving here, color has returned to the realm. The one above us right now is red.”

I swallowed tightly, feeling briefly overwhelmed. I couldn’t have even imagined the shadow realm looking like this—so bright and abundant. It hadn’t even been a possibility that we’d known to dream about.

“Is it strange for you to see all the color here now?” Iris asked perceptively.

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