Page 13 of Acedia

“Was it not the right thing to do? Isn’t that the rules?”

“What if… what if the rules aren’t right, though?” Lucas muttered. “What if I should have used my own best judgment instead of doing what I was told? The way everyone reacted… I don’t know. I feel like I set this huge thing in motion. I thought they’d just send out a couple of people and, you know, deprogram her or whatever. But it was a whole production, and I felt like I’d… like I’d falsely reported a crime that was going to send someone to the gallows.”

I was ill-prepared for this sort of conversation. What would Nana say? Probably something about him needing to stand by his choices and stop complaining. I didn’t want to say that, though. Not when Lucas sounded so upset.

Besides, I’d never really understood why Nana was so virulently against having regrets when she also believed that every experience in life was a lesson.

Were regrets not lessons too? Even if they left a bitter aftertaste?

“I want to set this right. I want to… I don’t know. I could lie. Your brothers aren’t that smart—no offense. If I told them that I knew of another secret portal and I was sneaking you throughthat, they’d probably believe me. And then I could help you find somewhere to live. To hide out. Away from your family.”

He didn’t sound very certain of that, and I wasn’t about to place my safety in the hands of someone who wasn’t convinced they could secure it. I’d rather make my own decisions—right or wrong—and live with the consequences of them, knowing the choice had been mine.

I’d never gotten to make my own choices before.

“How hard is the in-between to navigate? It’s not like I’m afraid of the dark,” I pointed out gently.

“What do you mean?” Lucas asked sharply. “If you navigate it correctly, you end up in the shadow realm.”

“Yes,” I agreed. “How hard is that to do?”

“Why would you want to?”

I was quiet for a long moment, trying to come up with an answer that incorporated everything I wanted to say without bursting into tears and making Lucas uncomfortable.

But in the end, I couldn’t.

“Why would I not?” I settled on.

“Because,” he spluttered. “They’re… bad.”

“My brothers are bad.”

“Well, yes. But I can help you get away—”

“No, you can’t,” I interjected softly. “Not here in the human world. Moriah has a lot of resources at her disposal—she’s in a powerful position on the Council. And she won’t be happy if I disappear because it’ll mean the possibility of someone finding out I’m related to her is always there. She’d never stop looking for me. If I’m going anywhere, I want to go somewhere that’s out of her reach. With Tilly, of course. I’m not leaving without her.”

“You know Tilly isn’t a proper guide dog, right?” Lucas asked dubiously.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, she’s a good dog. But I’m almost positive that she wasn’t trained as a guide dog. Does she actually help you navigate? Avoid obstacles? Can she locate objects for you?”

“She brings me my slippers,” I replied slowly. “And her lead?”

“I don’t think those are guide dog-specific skills.”

“She hasn’t really been put to the test,” I said a little defensively. “This is the first time I’ve had to navigate an unfamiliar place. I’m sure she’ll help me a lot in the shadow realm.”

Besides, she was great company and my bestest friend. I wasn’t going anywhere without her.

“Look, we don’t have to make any decisions right now. Verity is still in the hospital. They’re not going to do anything about a portal until she’s been discharged. You’ve got time to think this over. And I’ll come up with an alternative—somewhere here in the nice, safe, Shade-free human realm that you can live peacefully.”

I made a noncommittal sound, not believing for a second that there was anywhere on this earth that the reach of the Hunters Council wouldn’t be able to find me.

“Do you know what theydoto Hunters in the shadow realm, Iris?” Lucas asked in a low voice.

“Have sex with them?”

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