Page 46 of Acedia

“Three Hunters have come through from the human realm recently with the intention to negotiate some sort of lasting peace with the shadow realm. As no one trusts these new arrivals and they came here shortly after you did, the decision was made to keep your existence a secret from them. Just in case they were sent to collect you.”

“Oh.” In theory, that was a good thing. I didn’twantto be found, and I certainly didn’t want to go back. And I wasn’t opposed to being kept a secret from the new Hunters until we knew if they were trustworthy or not—I was very much accustomed to being treated as a secret.

It stung a little thattheywere being kept a secret fromme, though. Was I untrustworthy?

“Well, if that’s the decision everyone has come to,” I said uncertainly, realizing that Orabelle was waiting for a more detailed response. “Then I guess that’s the right thing to do. I’m very grateful that they took my safety and wellbeing into account,” I added honestly.

“You’re not like the other Hunters that gave it all up to come here,” Orabelle observed.

“I’m blind.”

“I didn’t mean like that,” she replied dismissively. “You’re more… what’s the word for it? I’m trying not to be insulting. Damen will be cross if I am.”

I had no idea how to respond to that.

“Sheltered,” Orabelle settled on eventually. “You’re more sheltered. Even the quietest of the ex-Hunters have a sharp edge to them from whatever awful training regimen they put you all through as children. You’re missing that.”

“Yes,” I agreed in surprise. “That’s a fair assessment. I never went through Hunter training. I lived in the attic with my Nana and kept quiet and out of sight so I didn’t embarrass my family with my existence.”

Orabelle was silent for a long moment before letting out a heavy exhale. “And now you’re here, hiding away in the nursery. We’re going to need a cup of tea for this conversation.”

Chapter 15

“Knock, knock,” Meera called, following the staff member in who was collecting my breakfast dishes while I resumed my knitting. “I don’t suppose you’re free? I’m so sorry—it’s been so long since I visited.”

“That’s okay,” I assured her, even if I didn’t entirelyfeelokay about it. “Sit down. I’m glad you’re here.”

It hadn’t been that long, really. Technically, I was out of hiding. I’d met the new arrivals—Sebastian and Cora, at least—not the larger wave who’d arrived and were staying in Elverston House. But everyone was so busy lately. Tallulah was mated, pregnant, and had moved away.

Meera had technically moved into the room next door, but she’d been gone for days. Damen had vanished.

It was okay, of course. They were busy. The Hunters had escalated their activity recently, and I could hardly complain that everyone was distracted with that while I sat safely ensconced in my nice bedroom, or played on the floor with the children at the nursery. No one was askingmeto risk my safety or even to give up my time to keep us all safe.

Frankly, no one had so much asmentionedthe lust thing. I was beginning to wonder if I’d made it all up in my mind.

“Your hair,” she murmured. “It’s so blonde now.”

“Oh, yes. The dye was just to help me get out of the human realm unseen. Does it look better now?” I asked, touching it self-consciously.

“It’s beautiful,” Meera assured me.

As Meera told me about the path her quest for revenge had taken her down, I examined my own thoughts and wondered if I was angry enough. Meera’s rage had been productive. It had gotten things done.

“Did you have an episode?” I asked absently. “My mother used to have them all the time.”

She’d find herself in fits of anger that she simply couldn’t seem to break free from. Nana had said she’d been like that ever since she was a little girl.

That kind of angerwasn’tproductive. I’d always worried that the same darkness lurked in me. Genetically, the way my broken eyes had come my way.

Be kind, I reminded myself.Be kind, be kind, be kind.

Guilt swamped me at how little I’d been telling myself that recently. I knew that in most respects, Nana would be ashamed of me. Ashamed of the choices I’d made. Of the life I was living. Of how far I’d strayed from the path she’d envisioned for me.

At the same time, I still felt—at least a little—that I was her legacy. I was the project she’d invested so much time and effortinto. I didn’t want to let her down by forgetting everything she’d taught me.

I was a disappointment to her in so many ways, butthisI could do right.

“Yay!” Jonan shouted the moment I walked in. “String day!”

---