Page 64 of Power Play

“Sorry.” She flashes me a smile, not looking sorry in the slightest. “You were telling me about your day with Maya and Clay. I’m all ears.”

Rolling my eyes, I shake my head. She’s ridiculous. And nosy. But, truth be told, I’m absolutely the same way. It’s no surprise we are best friends.

“It was good. Really good,” I admit, sighing dreamily. “Clay gets along with Maya so well, it blows my mind.”

“I told you, he’s always been great with kids, and I’m not surprised he’s particularly good with yours.” She tips her headslightly; the implication in her words isn’t lost on me. “He’s still as obsessed with you as he’s always been.”

Her words force the smile on my face to die. I look over the playground, my gaze falling on Maya, who’s playing in the sandbox with her friend Leah. The joyful smile on her face makes my heart flutter. The first thing she asked me this morning was when we’re going to see Clay again. I told her soon, but is that reasonable? I’m happy, there’s no denying it, but isn’t this all happening too fast? We haven’t even talked about all the issues we piled up during our years apart. All the mistakes I’ve made and need to apologize for. Chances are, he will never look at me the same after he knows the truth.

“What if it’s just a habit?” I blurt out unintentionally, letting my own troubling thoughts spill out of my mouth. Clasping my hands together, my palms become sweaty.

“Habit?” Ava stops pushing the stroller. Her unblinking gaze is directed at me.

“What if he’s so used to thinking he likes me that he does it on autopilot? Maybe I’m a fixation, an idea that he thinks he wants.”

Ava blows air out of her mouth and leans back on the bench. “Wow, he fucked you up real good.” I shoot her a questioning look, eyeing her from under my furrowed brows. “Clay isn’t Eli. He’d never do anything even close to what your ex did to you. He was always all in. Had eyes only for you. Only wanted you. It’s not what he thinks; it’s how he feels. Where do these ideas even come from?”

“Because…” I fall silent, sucking my bottom lip into my mouth. If I keep talking, there will be no going back. All my secrets will be out in the open, and I’m not ready for this conversation. Not until I have it with Clay. It wouldn’t be fair to him. But I don’t want to lie to Ava either, so I confess, “I’m scared. I’m really fucking scared, Ava, and sometimes, all thedoubts I have…they suffocate me.” I tap my index finger on my temple. “The overthinker in me robs me of joy on more days than I’d like to admit.”

Before I found out about Clay’s transfer, I accepted that I’d be single forever, that it would just be Maya and me. I was ready to be alone, to channel my energy into my business and focus on Maya’s happiness. It all seemed so easy, like I had it all figured out. Then he moves to Santa Clara, and nothing is how I expected it to be.

Clay shows up for me. He cares about my little girl. He calls me Mama, putting my panties in a twist. He kisses me so good, I’m on cloud nine even one day later. And he doesn’t give up…no matter how many times I push him away.

He is my Clay. The guy I loved back in college and love still. But I don’t deserve him.

“Come here,” Ava says, moving closer. She wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me to her side. I lay my head on her shoulder, closing my eyes. “What are you worried about?”

I shake my head. “Ava, I?—”

“I’m not asking you to tell me your secrets. Keep them for as long as you want.” She puts her head on mine, engulfing me in her warmth, in the vanilla and coffee scent that’s always so prominent in her perfume. “Talk to me about your worries. Maybe we can figure it out together. It pains me to see you hurt.” She pauses before she says her next words. “And it pains me to see Clay with his heart broken time and time again. I want to help…I don’t want what happened after graduation to repeat itself. It didn’t make anyone happy.”

A lonely tear slips down my cheek, and I hurriedly wipe it away. I still loathe myself for what I said that day at the lake. For letting him think he didn’t love me enough. For watching his heart break right in front of my eyes. For never telling himthat I lied to him that day. For never saying that I loved him. All because Ava was right about me all along.

I am a coward.

“I made a promise, and I couldn’t keep it,” I mutter under my breath. “And if I want to have a chance with him, I need to tell him the truth. Explain why it happened.”

“Are you afraid it will push him away?”

I know it will push him away. For good.

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Layla, you’re one of the strongest people I know. You’re kind, empathetic, and resilient. You’d do absolutely anything for Maya. You fiercely protect her, and you work hard to provide her with anything she needs. You didn’t hesitate to take matters into your own hands and cut your toxic ex out of your life because you knew it was right and that you deserve better,” she tells me with conviction, her hand rubbing my shoulder. “All you need to do is be honest with Clay, and I sure as hell believe that you have enough strength in you to tell him what happened. It’s Clay we’re talking about. Be honest, and he will understand.”

The tiniest smile peeks on my lips. Ava’s words are like a healing balm on my battered heart, ballooning me with hope and positivity. It’s like she lifted all the oppressive energy off my soul and tossed it away. The feeling is almost indescribable, but I breathe easier now. Her reassurance and support slide deep under my skin, right into my veins, spreading from my head to my toes.

I can do that.

For him, I will.

“He kissed me,” I confess, my voice is hoarse.

Ava gasps, or more like squeals, and moves away. Her gaze is on me. I bite my bottom lip, trying to hide my growing smile, and then muster the courage to look at her. An expression of pure joyis written all over her face, and I can’t help it. Gleefully, I grin at her, shrugging as if to say,Oops, I should’ve told you sooner!

“Layla, you’re…God, I don’t even know what to call you.” She giggles. “How was it?”

I open my mouth, but I don’t have time to answer because Meghan starts crying. Ava grimaces, knowing perfectly well that her own laughter woke her daughter up. I pat her hand sympathetically as she stands up to take Meghan in her arms.

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