Page 12 of Power Play

Is it temporary? Or is our connection broken beyond repair after the last time we saw each other three years ago?

I call bullshit. What we had is impossible to destroy. I will never let it happen.

Chapter 5

Baby Whisperer

LAYLA

Now, August

I nod absentmindedly,not really listening to what Ava is saying. My mind is elsewhere, and I’m having trouble being in the moment. All I can think about is my first time talking to Clay.

Was that even talking?

Not having any expectations was my goal. I tend to be pessimistic from time to time, so I’ve been trying to tone it down since I woke up this morning. Throughout the years, and especially after Eli, I learned one thing—when it comes to other people, don’t expect anything, as there’s no control over their actions, their words. Everyone does what they want, and all we can do is accept it. In some circumstances, it’s like setting yourself up for failure from the start.

I didn’t want that.

And yet it happened.

That whatever-the-hell-it-was conversation was a disaster from the moment I walked in on him talking to Maya. Then I noticed his balled-up fists after we simply said hi to each other.Why did he react like that? He went from being excited and fascinated by my little girl to literally scowling at me.

Do I look so fucking awful that he couldn’t even handle it? Am I so different from what he remembers? I fix my dress again, pulling its skirt lower and readjusting the little bow around my waist. I should’ve worn something else. Something looser and baggier, something that wouldn’t make it obvious that I’m no longer the size I used to be.

I’ve never been really confident, battling my insecurities about my looks all my life. Hiding behind flirty smiles, covering my lack of confidence with silly giggles when I didn’t know what to say, letting my best friend do the talking when boys were approaching us. I was putting this bravado, being this overly-confident sexy girl, while silently praying no one would notice how unsure of myself I was, that no one would ever know that I was used to spending hours sitting in front of the mirror, and finding more and more things that I hated about my looks. In my head, between me and Ava, I was that ugly friend every attractive girl has.

The only thing I was always proud of was my body, but after I gave birth to Maya it became another source of my insecurities.

I’m doing so much better now at finding things I love about my body. Buying new clothes that complement my figure and feeling confident in it. Then bam! Insert Clay Rodgers, with his eyes coasting over me like he’s looking for imperfections under a magnifying glass, and I’m ready for the earth to swallow me.

I hate it here.

“Layla?”

I jerk my head to my left and gape at Nevaeh. She’s Angie’s best friend, but today she’s here as Roman Pashkevich’s wife. He’s a right defenseman for the California Thunders and a good friend of my brother and his friends. He and Nevaeh got drunk and accidentally married in Vegas, and now they are trying tonavigate their new reality as a married couple who wasn’t even dating before their trip. How many drinks does it take to get drunkenly married in Vegas to a guy you barely know? I’m sure I wouldn’t need that many—I barely make good decisions even when I’m sober.

“What?” I plaster a smile onto my face, pushing away all the thoughts that won’t allow me to relax.

“Do you mind helping me with this?” Nevaeh points to a big red M&M’s toy on the table. “Ava said it would be better to put the candies into a bowl. That way the kids can take them any time, and no one will destroy the toy.”

“Ava wants to share her M&M’s?” I say, feigning surprise. “I’m shocked.”

Nevaeh snorts and sets a bowl on the table beside the toy. “Angie told me before that the Thompson family is obsessed with these. That’s why I opted for it as a gift.”

I wrap my hands around the bowl as Nevaeh lifts the toy. “If she had to choose between her dear husband and these candies, I’m not sure Colt would win.”

“I hear you, Benson.” Ava walks past me to get to the cupboard and slaps my ass. “I love M&M’s, but not as much as I love Colt.”

“Your husband will be happy to hear that,” I say.

Nevaeh stops pouring candies into the bowl when it’s full to the brim and puts the toy back down on the table. “Maybe there’s something else we can do?” she asks, rapping her fingers on the table. Her nervousness is obvious, and I feel for her. It brings back all my memories to the surface.

I remember what a wreck I was when I first met Eli’s friends, how much I wanted them to like me…while I never actually fit in. We had different interests, different views on life, and most importantly on our future. I wanted stability and love, and all hewas about were parties and his music. It was a failure from the start. I was too stubborn to admit it.

Too stubborn to listen to the only man who was never afraid to speak his mind to me.He doesn’t deserve you, he’d said in the bathroom of this very house three years ago. And I went and got pregnant by a guy who didn’t even want a family.

A round of applause for Layla Benson, who didn’t treasure what she had until she lost all chances to make things right.

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