Page 28 of Just Try, Again and Again

“I can’t do that and you know it,” I say. My eyes meet his in the mirror, the ocean color pleading with me to seriously consider accelerating our plan to live in the same city. “Besides, you’re planning on going to Berlin for another summer program. What am I supposed to do here?”

Bryce blows out another long breath, this time anger, or frustration, or whatever bad vibe is coming out along with it. He doesn’t answer me, instead, he asks another question. “Is it because of our dads? Mine will get over it and yours will, too.”

“Yours will think I’m using you and get angry once he realizes that you married me on a whim in Hawaii without a prenup,” I say, trying to talk some sense into him. “And mine will think I’m still the same wild, impulsive eighteen-year-old Haruki who ran away from home. He will feel so betrayed that we never had a proper wedding. My brother is getting engaged this year and the list of ceremonies he has planned for him is long enough to fill a notebook.”

“I’ll talk to your dad when I’m in Japan over spring break, Haruki. I’ll tell him it was my stupid idea.”

“No, you won’t.”

“Why not?” His question sounds more like a plea.

“Please.” I walk over to Bryce who is sitting on the edge of the bed and plead with him. “My dad and I are finally in a good place. Don’t rock the boat. Not yet. After you’re done with your studies. I promise.”

“Two and a half years. Not more, alright? The moment I’m done, I’m going straight to the fucking airport to fly to Osaka, and we’ll tell your dad. And then we’ll use your lastyear of college to decide where to live after that.” Bryce plants a reassuring kiss on my forehead and I return the gesture by squeezing his thigh over his jeans. “And then we can tell him that we’re moving to Hong Kong,” he says with a cheeky grin.I love him. So much.

“What do you think about Jamaica?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never been.”

“Me neither,” I say.

He lifts my chin as our lips touch, and I wish I could put the fuzzy feeling inside a bottle and take a daily dose of it when we’re going to be apart. “I’m going to take you there on a vacation one day.”

“How havethe police not dropped by yet?” I scream into the ear of one of Bryce’s old football friends. He simply laughs and shakes his head.

“You’re a big city girl, aren’t you?” this guy says after taking a sip of his drink.

“Yep.”

“Nobody cares,” he finally answers. “The locals are probably happy we’re having a mini high school reunion. This area is pretty much deserted, anyway, the moment summer is over. You’re probably the only tourist here.”

My eyes scan for Bryce, but I can’t find him in the crowd. He didn’t want to leave my side, but everyone is so happy to be in one place and everyone wants a minute of his time to slap his back or give him a hug. I offer Max or Matthew a small, polite smile, and make my way back inside the house, my arms hugging my body as if to shield me from the cold wind.

The space is pretty much ransacked, and I would be lying if I said that I’m not at the very least a little bit upset.More like a lot.I know it’s not his fault, but I’m only here for a week and I’m leaving soon. Spending the night partying alongside former jocks with post power syndrome and their girlfriends is not high on my priority list at the moment. Especially not when Kenji and my dad keep on sending me pictures to edit. If I’m not careful, I’m going to be burned out by the time I graduate.

No Bryce in the living room. No Bryce in the kitchen. No Bryce in the downstairs bathroom. I go up the stairs.He better not be passed out already.From the hallway, I hear two people speaking in the bedroom. Their words are muffled and their voices hushed, like they’re trading secrets. When I hear a loud groan, followed by a stifled laugh, my heart thunders in my chest. I walk slowly toward the door. My phone feels damp from all of the sweat on my palm.

The door is ajar. “Wait a bit, man,” a male voice says. “Let me help you out.” I take a peek inside and my eyes widen at the sight. “And that’s how you find the vein.” Lying on the bed, Logan is zoned out. Groaning like he’s in pain, or in bliss, I’m not sure. There is someone in the bathroom, but I don’t know who it is. On the floor I see an empty syringe, a lighter, and a spoon.

My phone vibrates in my hand, shocking me. My feet think faster than my brain, and thank God for that, because they start pacing back in the other direction. Once I reach the staircase, never have I been more glad to see Max or Matthew there making out with a girl. Trying to act normal, I make a conscious effort to slow my pace down and hold my phone in front of me.

Bryce

With Jeremy right now to get some alcohol from his parents’ house. You were right, baby. Almost out of drinks. Be back soon.

25

Bryce - 20 years old

“I’m telling you the truth, Bryce,” Haruki pleads with me. She’s pacing and cleaning at the same time, with tears running down her face. “Why would I lie about something like this?”

I try to hold her in place so we can have a proper conversation about this, but she immediately yanks her arms away from me.

“Look, I’m not saying you’re lying, Haruki. But the guy is loaded. He’s not the type to be shooting up heroin or meth at some house party. And Cam doesn’t sell shit like that. You had a lot to drink last night. Maybe you saw things wrong.”

“Bryce.” My name sounds like an irritated hiss. “I saw what I saw. Your friend is into some dangerous things and I don’t like you being around him.”

The laugh that comes out of me sounds more condescending than it actually is, and the tone doesn’t go unnoticed by Haruki. I’ve never done the serious girlfriend thing before, and I don’t do well with people ordering me around.Trying to calm myselfby scrubbing my face with my hand, I think carefully about what I’m going to say next.

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