Page 32 of Just Try, Again and Again

She nods.She’s killing me.

I will myself to smile. “One year. That’s all you get. In May of next year, we’re going to start planning what we’re going to do with our lives after I’m done with school. You and me. No more breaks after that.”

Haruki looks surprised that I’m so willing, and honestly, I’m also surprised that I’m able to pull this off without punching a wall. “One whole year?”

“I want you to enjoy yourself, Haruki.”

“And you’re not scared that I’ll walk away from you?” she asks as her eyebrows furrow.

“Your husband is a stud,” I joke, trying to make her laugh. When she does, I take in how soft the sound is and how her fingers move to cover her mouth. “I dare you to walk away from me.”

28

Haruki - 31 years old

Nick and I give each other awkward glances. With Lily gone to check on Birdie, we lost the only buffer we had. “Nihongo ga hanasemasu ka (Can you speak Japanese)?” I ask him, trying to make small talk.

“Sukoshi dake (Just a little),” he answers with a heavy American accent. “Really not a lot, I went to an international school while I was there. Perks of your dad working for an NGO. The salary is shit but they pay for your child’s tuition. He went all out and enrolled me in a really good one.”

I give him a forced smile and he scratches the back of his head until I finally decide to put him out of his misery. “So, you must have questions for me.”

“I’ll settle for the easy ones first,” he says. And I already know what question he’s going to ask. “Lily said she told you about me. Why is it that you’ve heard about me, but I’ve never heard about you? And me, Lily, and Bryce, we go way back. I met Bryce my senior year of high school.”

I can’t help the smile forming on my face. My brain plays the memory of us being in Elsham Cove, of me meeting Lily for the first time. When I see Nick just staring at me, waiting for a response, I do the math in my head. “If you’re the same age as Lily, that means you came back to Elsham Cove when Bryce and I were on a break.”The break that broke us.

All these revelations will cause this poor guy a heart attack at some point. He’s just blinking, nodding, and gaping. “Sorry, what?”

Not wanting to cause Nick any more heart palpitations, I decide to change the subject. “When I met Lily, you guys weren’t talking. It’s nice to see that’s not the case anymore.”

Nick chuckles to himself and his expression softens. From his eyes, I can see just how much love he has for her. It’s surreal to finally put a face to the story Lily told me years ago.

“Yeah, we’ve come a long way since then. It’s a funny coincidence, actually. I had a job interview here in Berlin for the company I’m now working for. Imagine my surprise when fucking Bryce showed up and they introduced him as the head of business development.” Nick shakes his head, chuckling. “He kind of brought us back together.”

“That sounds like him,” I say. “And now you live here, in Berlin, and work with Bryce?”

“Yes, ma’am. We have so many meetings together that I actually see him more than I do Lily. The dude is on my fucking screen at least two hours a day and we also hang out a lot. Like a lot.” He looks at me, amused. He probably can’t wrap his head around the fact that his wife doesn’t know any of this.

Nick seems like he’s waiting for me to respond, but I’m too busy in my own head. I’m happy for Bryce. It seems like he has found a good friend in Nick. He needs those—good friends. And if he helped Nick and Lily get back together, he must thinkNick is one of the okay ones, worthy of his sister. I know how protective he is of Lily.

“So now let me get to the harder question.” Nick breaks the silence. “How on Earth are you married to Bryce?”

“Bryce and I met in Elsham Cove when I was traveling. I had just graduated from high school, and bought a plane ticket to America. My goal was to travel around the US until I couldn’t anymore. We got married at a time when both of us needed the other person. He needed to tether himself to something or someone, and I needed an escape.”

He shakes his head and I don’t blame him. I just gave Nick the world’s vaguest answer. “So you didn’t get married out of love?”

A bitter smile forms on my lips.

I’ll love you forever, Haruki. It’s just not our time yet, Bryce once said to me. It’s never our time. And it will never be our time.

“We did,” I answer Nick truthfully. “We were eighteen when we got married. We were so happy to have found each other. We thought we were the two loneliest, most tortured souls in the world. Bryce and I couldn’t believe our luck when we met.”

“So, what happened?”

“Circumstances changed.”

“Like what?”

“Someone else needed Bryce more than I needed him.” He nods in understanding. If there is anyone else who would understand my story, it would probably be him. “And then after that, we...” I feel the back of my eyes burning, but I power through with a smile I’m forcing. “Some love stories just aren’t meant to be. When you’re in love, you always act like it’s just the two of you against the world, but that’s never the case. There are always other people and there is always something else. That’sjust how life is.” I don’t tell him that he played a part in one of our lowest lows.

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