Page 31 of Just Try, Again and Again

“What…what do you mean?” My heart drops to my stomach and I think I’m going to puke. I get the urge to just hang up and scream at someone, telling them that Bryce had cheated on me, but then I remember that the only people I ever talk to are Bryce, my dad, and my brother. I haven’t made any close friends at university yet. Work. Classes. FaceTime.All the time. Round the clock.

“Arthur and I came home to a house filled with drunk college students last night. Imagine my surprise finding Bryce with a girl in my bedroom.” Astrid huffs, as if the biggest issue with all of this is Bryce throwing a house party or invading her privacy.Why would he do that?Is he getting tired of me?“I’m sorry, Haruki dear,” she says, although I have no doubt she feels zero remorse over delivering this news to me.

On the other end, I can hear her yelling for Bryce. A muffled conversation tells me that they’re in a screaming match. The next thing I know, I hear his desperate voice on the other end. “Haruki?”

“I have to hang up,” I say, hearing my voice breaking. “This phone call is costing me a lot.”

27

Bryce - 21 years old

Thank fucking God she finally picked up on FaceTime.

“Haruki, I don’t know what Astrid said to you, but whatever it was, it was bullshit.”She’s been crying, I can tell.“Cam’s party got a little out of hand,” I say, gripping the phone and feeling the heat radiate on the palm of my hand. “We thought the house would be parent-free, but for some reason, they came back early and Astrid was pissed. It didn’t help that Lily had a fight with her friend, Tabitha, and didn’t end up staying over at her house like she planned to. Astrid thought I was trying to fucking corrupt her daughter or something, throwing a rager knowing full well a minor was in the house.”

“I see.”Well, shit.

“Baby, say something. Please.”

“I think you’ve recapped everything pretty well,” she answers in a bitter tone while scratching off her red nail polish. “Party got out of hand. Lily came home. Parents came home.”

“Clearly I haven’t, because you’re still mad at me. Tell me, what did she say to you that got you all worked up?”

“Let me think,” she spits out her words like she wants to light me on fire. “She was confused why we were still together. You know, since she caught you sleeping with someone else in her room last night.”

Well, color me surprised. My stepmother is a mean teenage girl stuck in the body of a Botoxed middle-aged woman.

Out of reflex, my free hand starts curling. “It wasn’t like that, Haruki. You know I would never do that.” She scoffs.She doesn’t believe me. “This random chick was drunk and started wandering inside the house. She kissed me out of the blue, but I pushed her away immediately. I promise.” I deliver the lines as if I don’t know better that it’s the most clichéd shit cheaters say. What else am I supposed to fucking say? It’s the truth. “It was just some girl; I didn’t know who she was. I would’ve told you myself, but I guess someone beat me to it.”

Haruki finally leaves her nails alone to look at me. Whoever says that you can’t see someone’s heart breaking through a screen is lying. Her feelings are all over her face, in full display for me to see.She’s mad. She’s upset. She’s jealous. She’s frustrated with me.

“You said you didn’t know who she was,” Haruki says, her voice breaking and her tone bitter. “How did she get into your party then?”

“Logan brought her. Apparently she studies mass communications with him. I’d never met her before this, I promise.”

“You’re still hanging out with Logan?”She’s disappointed in me.

“Haruki,” I say her name slowly, trying to make my voice as gentle as possible. I have no choice but to be on the defensive now. I’ve made my bed. “Cameron is my best friend. It was his birthday. I didn’t want to control the guest list. Plus, I’ll beleaving for Berlin again soon, so it was also kind of like a farewell party.”

“Yeah, whatever. I get it.”

“Haruki, please.”

“It’s getting really hard, Bryce.”She’s doubting me.

I feel my jaw clenching. The walls are closing in because I already sense what’s coming. “I know we’ve been fighting a lot lately, but come on.” I wouldn’t say Haruki and I are out of sync, but when you have two people who are constantly setting multiple fucking alarms to wake up early in the morning or stay up late just so they can talk to each other, conversations can get real snappy real fast.

“It’s not just the fighting.” A tear that she finally allows to drop rolls down her cheek. “I feel like all I do is go to school, go to work, count down the days until we get to see each other, and wait for our phone calls.”She’s getting tired of me.

I hate that she’s right. I’m not even going to pretend I don't know the fact that Haruki doesn’t go out much. She doesn’t even have friends. Not that I know of. She’s not wrong. That is all she does—day in and day out.

“I miss you. All the time,” she continues.She still loves me.

“And I miss you, too, Haruki. So much, you have no idea.”

“Maybe we should go on a break.”She’s breaking up with me.

“Is that what you want?” I manage to ask, still shell-shocked. Deep inside, I know she’s right. Every fiber in my being is telling me to fight this, but Haruki deserves to enjoy her college years just as much as I have enjoyed mine so far. I could offer to pay for the different gadgets that she wants to buy, or her plane tickets, so that she doesn’t have to work so much, but I know better than to make this situation worse. She’s a proud woman. An aspect that I admire about her so much, but loathe with all my heart at this moment.

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