Page 59 of Go Cook Yourself

He pulls his fingers back quickly and sits on them. I hold back a sigh. “Is that what Jem was talking about in the pub?”

I sigh loudly. “Yes. When I got with Neil, I became a different person. I went from being completely invested in my family and the cookery school to acting like a stranger. I moved away, immersed myself in my relationship with Neil, and kept that life going. It wasn’t always a healthy relationship. He didn’t want to spend time with my family, and it got weird if I went to visit. He also didn’t pay for anything.”

I pause for way too long.

“But you stuck with him anyway.” There’s no judgment in his voice.

“Yep,” I confirm. Garett tips his head to the side, and for once, I’m genuinely listened to about Neil. No one understood why I distanced myself. “He made me feel loved. I was searching for what my parents and grandparents had even from such a young age, and I thought I could have that from this random guy who said all the right things and gave me these emotions I’d never experienced before. I couldn’t think straight when it came to decisions. I was into him.”

“I get that.” Maybe it was the same with his dog-stealing ex.

“But over time, I realised he was an arsehole. He wasn’t the devil or anything, but he was a bit of a shit, and I didn’t like him that much. The relationship got toxic,” I admit. “But I’d given up everything to be with him, and I couldn’t go back on that, or rather, I was too ashamed to go back on it.”

“And then he cheated on you.”

I nod as we turn to sit facing each other. He’s got his legs crossed, and mine are to the side. Due to my tight pencil skirt, it’s like I’m at a sleepover with my best friend, although the temptation to kiss him never goes away. His hands lightly tap his thighs.

“I ignored my parents when they offered me a third of the cookery school. I wasn’t there when my grandparents died and only came home briefly for the funeral, alone,” I add. “I regret it all, and if something happens with us and it affects the cookery school, they’ll be devastated. Jem said that I nearly ruined the family before, including breaking my grandparents’ hearts. I can’t do that again.”

I share a little more of what Jem said, and Garett sighs his understanding. “I’ve never had a family like yours. My parents were the type to ignore me or clip me around the ear when they were angry about something and I got in the way. They didn’thit me often.” He points to the scar on his chin, and I touch the famous, never explained mark. He shivers slightly. “This was on my sixteenth birthday when I shouted at them. They’d forgotten my birthday, so caught up in their arguments.”

“You’ve never mentioned them in your interviews.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” He shrugs. “They never contact me except when they want money, which I won’t give them. I gave them an agreed-upon one-off payment a couple of years ago.”

He talks like a robot, and against my better judgment, I take his hands. They’re cold to the touch, so I wrap them between mine to warm them. “That’s it? No other contact?”

“No. I did offer them a chance to visit me last year, but they asked if it came with spending money. I cut ties that day. I nearly got them arrested a while back for some of their fraudulent behaviour, but I couldn’t do it.” He squeezes his lips tight as if resigned to pain. Then, he quickly shakes his head. “But that’s enough about me. We’re supposed to be talking about you.”

Surrounded by thick snow, the cookery school is cut off from everyone. It’s like we’re in another country where no one can get close. The fairy lights highlight his dark eyes, and it's getting cold with the heating on low.

I don’t know I’m shivering until he drags one of the blankets closer and drapes me in it. “Your family, and by that I mean everyone at the cookery school, have done more than anyone has for me in years, except Flora. I owe them so much, and I don’t want to do anything that hurts them. I can’t promise how long I’ll be around, probably not more than a couple of months. I want to run a kitchen again. I love this place, but it’s not my forever kitchen.” He laughs half-heartedly, but it’s not enough to make me forget our impossible situation.

It’s my turn to squeeze my lips together and nod my head.

“But more than all of this,” he adds, scooting closer. My tight blouse and pencil skirt with hold ups underneath aren’t suitable for a sleepover with a bestie, but I can’t remove them, especially not in front of Garett, the man who makes my heart thunder and the space between my thighs burn. His voice drops, and I lean in as he takes my hands. “More than anything, I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t give you a relationship or a future. I can’t promise that anything between us won’t cause problems for the cookery school or your next steps. We can’t date.”

I take a breath. I’m about to say something stupid. Maybe it’s the wine or that, here, nothing can be said because we’re stuck in this place together, but I fix his eyes with mine and say, “But we could have no-strings sex.”

And that’s when he starts choking.

Chapter Thirty

Garett

She didn’t just offer me sex.

She. Did. Not. Just. Offer. Me. Sex.

But as I rasp through the breath I sucked in so hard I choked on it, I replay Ruby’s words.

No-strings sex.

She thrusts a glass of water into my hand and pats me on the back three times.

I’m still trying to breathe when she stands.

“Joking!” she shouts as if there’s a tsunami outside. “Right, I’d best clear up.”

---