Page 16 of But I'm Still Standing

I swallow the lump in my throat and stand, keeping my eyes down. He reaches his hand out for me to take per usual. I take it carefully, not knowing what he is capable of right now. He pulls me to him quickly, grabbing my neck with his other hand. He only adds slight pressure, not cutting off my air completely, but enough to get my attention. I don’t fight him. His mouth is close to mine as he breathes heavily. I can smell the harsh liquor on his breath. He moves slowly, kissing my cheek, then moves to my ear, “how are your hormones sweetheart? Do you need to be touched? Are you horny and haven’t been able to do anything about it?” His voice is low as he slurs his words.

I whimper slightly through his grip, letting a tear fall.

He starts pushing me back with his hand around my throat, until my back hits the wall, not hard, but now I have nowhere to go, nothing within reach to defend myself with. His mouth is on mine now and I can’t make myself kiss him back. He bites my lip, making me whimper again.

He releases my hand, whispering in my ear, “Put your arms above your head and keep them there. Move them and I’ll punish you,” he threatens.

“Please… Max… don’t.” His mouth is on mine, silencing me again. I let the tears fall as I put my hands above my head as I’m told. I wore a long-sleeved button up dress today since it was nice and sunny. Big mistake.

I feel his hand move up my inner thigh. I try to push my legs together, but he pushes my feet apart with his foot, placing his leg between mine. I’m held by his grip on my neck and gasp when hisfingers reach my panties. He brushes his fingers softly against the silky fabric. He moves the small piece of fabric over and delves a finger in. I can’t help the slight cry that leaves my lips.

“Shh, sweetheart, I know you need this as much as I do. I have wanted to touch you for so long. Your pussy is quivering under my touch. You will be mine.” His fingers fuck me as he speaks. I can’t help the way my body jerks and moves as I try not to feel his touch, I don’t want to come, but I can’t help it. His mouth is on mine again when I start to moan and can’t control it.

“That’s a good pet, coming all over my hand.”

He pulls me away from the wall and rips my dress off, pushing me over to the bed as buttons roll on the hard wood floor. He turns me around swiftly, bending me over the bed. He unhooks my bra, pushing the straps down my arms. I let another sob escape as he reaches around grabbing my breast. He releases it and slaps the side of it, making me jump as I let out a whimper.

“Good girl, welcome to my world, sweetheart.” he says, before I hear his zipper. I can’t contain my sobbing as he rips my panties off the rest of the way and enters me without warning. I close my eyes and try to imagine myself anywhere else but here, but I can’t make myself not feel it all. My body betrays me and gives in again as I try to fight the urge to come when he reaches around and rubs my clit. He slaps my ass as he fucks me fast and hard.

“Next time I’ll play with you longer before I fuck you.” He spits on my ass, and I still, waiting for it, knowing what’s coming. He shoves a finger in my ass, and I almost convulse, I can’t help but fall over the edge again. It’s been so long since I have been touched, fucked, and come. I haven’t been able to touch myself since I’ve been here. I always feel like I’m being watched. I want Sin. I don’t want this. I hold myself up on my elbows still bent over the bed as I let the tears fall. I take it all and try to block it all out. I’m numb when he finally finishes and pulls out of me. He leans over me kissing my shoulder.

“Such a good girl doing as you are told. Don’t worry, sweetheart, Iwill keep you satisfied for the rest of this pregnancy. Now, go get ready for dinner, everyone is waiting for you, and don’t go to the bathroom. I want my cum running out of you, while you get your gifts.” He whispers, then kisses my head again and goes to sit in the chair at the table as he zips his pants acting like he just did me a favor.

I stand up and force myself into the closet without losing it. I let tears fall because I can’t hold them in. I thought that if this was going to happen it would have already. I didn’t think it would happen now. Or ever. I never wanted someone else to touch me. Sin will never forgive me. I shouldn’t have been the perfect pet. I should have kept fighting, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened. This is my fault. This was a punishment. Whether I was the cause of the punishment doesn’t matter. I let another man touch me. I didn’t scream, or fight, I let him do it. I’m to blame for my body reacting to it. Sin won’t want me after this. He won’t forgive me. I sit on the floor for a few minutes letting myself break.

I try to turn off all the emotions and just be okay. I can shut it all off. I can wallow in my sadness without letting the tears fall. I won’t give him that. Bash lived for my tears. Max definitely got off on my tears. The one difference is Bash loved me. Max doesn’t know what love is. I’m his pet, a toy that is disposable. I just have to survive until Christian is able to find me. Kohl has to come first no matter what. I just have to make sure I survive long enough for him to be born if he doesn’t find me in time. I know more than ever now that I won’t see my husband again if he doesn’t find us before Kohl is brought into this world. Fiona may be the queen, but I think I have been mistaken on who the actual king has been all along. The one who has been calling the shots.

When I come out of the closet, Max is still at the table playing on his phone. I wait like always to be acknowledged, even after what he just did to me, I know I have to play my part in the game. I now know he will punish me and probably make it hurt if I don’t be a good little pet and act right. I have to accept that this is my life for now and keeptrying to find a way out. He looks up, knowing I have been standing here for a few minutes acting like he was surprised! Asshole!

He smiles and stands extending his hand. I take it and we walk out of the room as if nothing has happened. He is grinning from ear to ear when we make it to the dining room.

I can’t help but want to slit his throat when I spot a knife on the table. I would like to see if his smile would still be there. I imagine his blood pouring from his neck with that stupid smile on his face. It’s the reason I smile at everyone in the room as I take my seat in the solid wood high-back chair he pulls out for me and say, “Thank you.” With a smile and a nod.

Fiona sits at the head of the table with me to her left, MJ to her right, Max sits next to me, and low and behold Mark Boudreaux sits next to MJ.

“I was wondering when you would pop into all of this.” I chuckle slightly looking at Mark as I place my white linen napkin in my lap. He smiles, nods, and gives me a chuckle of his own.

“You still don’t have a clue, do ya?” He asks, trying to fuck with me.

“Enough. It’s almost time for Savvy’s first present. Here, darling, push the call button, someone is just dying to hear your voice.” Fiona interrupts the conversation and hands me her cell phone. I look at the phone in disbelief. It’s Sin’s number. I look at her with furrowed brows not understanding.

“You obviously can’t tell him who I am exactly, but you can talk about the baby. Tell him you are just fine and have been well taken care of. You have five minutes.” I smile and hit the green call button.It only rings once.

“Angel? Savvy is that you?” Christian answers on the first ring and I can’t help the tears that well up hearing his voice.

“Hi, love. I miss you so much. I’m so sorry.” I let out a breath as the tears fall, knowing why Max did what he did. I won’t let him take this from me.

“Savvy, angel, are you okay? Is the baby, okay? Has anyone hurt you?” His voice is full of emotion, and I can’t tell him.

“Yes, I’m fine. I’m being taken care of and so is Kohl. I know we said we would talk about names, but I really want to name him Kohl. He is a fighter and I want him to know that he was named after someone strong that loved beyond death and defied the odds because of love, okay?” I tell him happy things. Things that can’t hurt him.

“Angel, if you want his name to be Kohl then that’s his name. I love you both so much, hold onto that. I will find you if I have to burn down Louisiana to do it, I will find you.”

“I love you, more than anything, Christian, hold onto that. I need to know that you listened to MJ today. I need to know that you are paying attention to everything around you. I need to know if the girls are safe. Did Cami have the baby?” I know I’m rambling, but I can’t say what I want to say. Fiona moves to take the phone and I pull back slightly, but reluctantly hand it to her after I hear him tell me how beautiful Morgan Rose is, and I tell him I love him one more time.I’ll pay for that. Worth it. I eye Fiona not letting my face show how much I hate her in this moment.

“Christian, darling, there, now you know she is alive and doing well. See you soon.” Fiona hangs up the phone and looks over to me, then Max.

“Savvy, you handled that well, good girl. Are you ready for your next surprise?” She asks in a very chipper tone. I look up at her as tears continue to fall down my face.I wipe them away and clear my throat while nodding to the bitch.

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