Page 145 of Oh, Flutz!

There were so many things I wanted to say to my dad, and I never got to, because the second we started smiling again in the same room he was just gone. I don’t know what would’ve happened if we’d had more time to fix everything that went wrong, but that wasn’t even it. Because we’d had years.Years, and we’d done nothing.

And there’s no time. No time.

None.

“What is it?”

I glance back up at her. “What’s what?”

“You’re doing the face.”

“What face?”

“The one when you want to say something, but you don’t want to make anyone upset.”

“I do not have a face,” I protest, and she furrows her eyebrows.

“I shouldhopeyou have a face. Otherwise there’d be a problem.”

“Shut up. And I think we should talk aboutyourface,” I tell her, poking the tip of her nose lightly like it’s a button. A very cute button. God, she’s pretty. Ever since that first day, I couldn’t help but notice. How could I not? It’s like my head got deep-fried the second I saw her standing in front of me and not just on TV, and I’ve been muddling through ever since.

“You’re going to make fun of me,” I say, only half-joking, and she swats me.

“Justtellme.”

“Nothing. I’m just…” It’s hard to explain. All of this has been so strange. I reach forward, tucking the hair that’s fallen in her face back behind her ear. “I’m just happy we’re past it.” I don’t have to explain what I mean byit. “I’m happy we’re here, is all.”

She bites her lip, a shadow passing over her face. Then she straightens, sitting up with her back turned to me.

Shit. Dread seizes me. “What’s wrong?”

She glances back at me over her shoulder, an odd, almost hurt look on her face. “Bryan…” She says it like a sigh, and my stomach clenches.Please no. Not now. Everything was just fine.

Katya bites her lip before scooting over down the bed until she’s perched on the edge next to me. She reaches a hand out, stroking my face. “Bryan, we aren’t just getting past this. It’s part of us now. We can’t just forget and pretend it never happened.Youcan’t.”

“Why not?” I say it too quickly, and I mentally curse myself, because if I’ve noticed, then so has she. I don’t want to talk about this. I just want it to be over. I want to look forward. What’s so wrong with that?

“Because—” she cuts herself off, searching for the words, pushing her faded hair back in a frustrated huff. “Because. That way, you forgive me, and then there’s nothing. I don’t get…punishment.”

This is getting way too Old Testament for my liking. “Punishment?” I repeat. “I don’t want to punish you. I want us to be together. I want us to be happy.”

“I can’t—I don’t know how to explain. We can’t pretend nothing happened, Yasha. Otherwise, you leave me with too much forgiveness. And then eventually you’ll hate me for it, and it’ll be justified. Because I can’t help but push people away.”

Something sweeps in my stomach. That can’t be what she thinks, can it? She turns her head away, but not before I see the redness rimming her eyes. I reach a hand out, tilting her chin to face me.

“Katya,” I say softly. “Come on.”

She laughs a little, but she’s still got a look on her face like she might cry. “It’s okay. It’s just the truth.”

“It isnotjust the truth, Katya. And you are not just a person who pushes people away.” I take her shoulders and make her look at me as I say it. “You, Ekaterina Dmitriyevna Andreyeva, are the best skater I have ever seen. But you’re not just that. You’re more than a medal or a title, or even this sport at all. You are so strong. And you’re so sharp. And you’re the funniest girl I’ve ever met, even though all you do is make fun of me.”

I grin, and she lets out a real laugh this time, but then my smile fades slightly. “Katya, listen to me. You push people away because you were taught you had to be strong at all costs. That you had to be—I don’t know. Superhuman?” I shake my head. “But, I mean, being superhuman isn’t just being unbreakable. You know that. ‘Cause opening yourself up to get hurt isn’t weak. It’s the bravest thing you can do. And you are so goddamnbrave.”

She hiccups, the tears running down her face. “Bryan, I’m not brave.”

“Yes, you are.” I can see her opening her mouth to protest again, so I cut her off. “Yes, you are. Youare.”

“I run away from everything. I hurt everyone I love, even when I don’t mean to. I’m so fucked up, Yasha.”

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