Page 58 of The Rescue

My eyes snap open, I’d forgotten he was sitting behind me. I take a deep breath and stand from my seat. I turn to find him smiling up at me. The cat has gone now and it’s just him sprawled out on the plush sofa with his long legs propped on the coffee table.

“You finally stood up to her, I’m proud of you.”

I slump down on the sofa next to him and let out a long sigh. I move my head to the side to look at him, his eyes are twinkling in the low light.He’s proud of me. I never thought I would need to hear those words, especially from a man but hearing it from Rabbie makes me giddy inside. I shouldn’t feel this happy after the tough conversation I just had with my mama, but I am.

I can feel the heat building between us. I don’t know where to look, but my eyes keep gravitating to his lips. He’s so close to me, I could just lean over and kiss him. I shouldn’t because our near kiss in the hot tub made him freak out and retreat into himself, but he looks so handsome. Everything he’s done for me since I arrived here has made me feel so wanted and special; letting me stay with him, bringing me food, making me a pumpkin pie. It’s not just about trying to get him into bed anymore, but it’s about who he is as a person that is the most attractive thing about him. He’s so thoughtful and selfless, and I can’t resist him any longer. We’ve been tiptoeing around each other since I got here, and I’m going to combust if I don’t kiss him.

We sit in perfect silence just staring at each other, andfuck it. Before I know it I’m leaning in and planting a soft kiss on his lips. He doesn’t return my kiss at first and I think I’ve fucked everything up, but then something awakens in him and he leans in and kisses me back. There’s a sense of urgency to the pace that he’s kissing me, it’s needy and fuck, it’s turning me on. Ourtongues and teeth clash with such ferociousness that it feels like we’ve been starved of affection our whole lives, I guess we have in a sense. There’s nothing soft and sensual about the way we’re tangled up with each other, this is pure need. I’m scared to pull back and stop, I’ve been wanting this for too long. I want to see where this goes, I want him to consume me.

He grabs my hips and lifts me onto his lap so I’m straddling him, his lips not leaving mine as he does. I can feel his hardness, and fuck, he’s big. I can feel him through his jeans. I slowly grind on him to ease the ache between my legs, I need friction. A low guttural noise vibrates in his chest, and I think it’s the sexiest sound he’s ever made. I could come just hearing him groan like that. I grind on him again, another groan.I like this game.He knows what I’m doing, and the sounds coming from him are a mixture of pleasure and frustration.

He wraps my hair around his first and tugs on it to expose my neck. His mouth is instantly on me, kissing and nipping the delicate skin. There’s nothing cool, calm and collected about this side of him, but I like it. This version of Rabbie is unhinged and primal.

We can’t get enough of each other as we hurriedly grope and grab each other. His mouth is back on mine now, and he’s kissing me harder. It feels like a thousand fireworks are going off in my body with every single kiss he lays on me. My skin is on fire from the intensity. I’m slowly coming undone in this man’s lap, and I still have all of my clothes on.

Soft mewling noises that I never knew I could make escape my mouth as I grind my hips against his perfect length. This is everything and more, I’ve been fantasising for weeks what it would be like to finally kiss him and it’s definitely exceeding my expectations. My hands gravitate to his shaggy blonde hair, I’ve been dying to run my fingers through it. I grip a handful of hissoft golden hair and pull, another groan escapes his lips. I could definitely get used to that sound.

His large hand slowly runs under my sweater, the pads of his fingertips lightly brushing my skin. A ripple of goosebumps breaks out over me as his finger moves further up my rib cage. His hand slowly slips under my bra, his finger circling my hardened nipple before he tweaks it between his thumb and finger. A long drawn out moan comes from deep within me, I’ve been craving his touch and finally getting it has sent my body into overdrive. Every skim of his fingers, every nip on my neck has me melting into an oozy puddle in his lap. I pull on his hair harder and he pinches my nipple harder. The quick sharp pain quickly melts into pleasure and I want more from me, I need more.

I take off my sweater and throw it behind me, and I rush with clumsiness to get my hands back on him. His hands are now the expanse of my body, roaming my exposed skin. I would never get tired of having his hands on me, oh what he could do with them makes my imagination run wild. Grinding against now isn’t enough to extinguish the fire between my legs. I reach around to unclasp my bra when his heavy hands grab mine.

He finally breaks the kiss, and leans back slightly to look up at me. I think he’s going to undo my bra for me, and watch it fall into his lap. But, his eyes are glossed over and there’s a hint of distance in them. I don’t like the look in his eyes, they’re almost sympathetic towards me. There’s a slow sinking feeling in my stomach, and I suddenly feel very exposed.

“Mo beag, I–I can’t.” His large hands run over my bare shoulders and I shudder at his pitiful touch.

No, this can’t be happening.I squeeze my eyes shut and wish this situation was in my head, but it isn’t. I open my eyes, and find his two large greens looking up at me with pity. The feelingof shame, and regret quickly replace the lust and desire that was there just only a second ago.

I roll off his lap back onto the sofa, suddenly feeling cold, I wrap my arms around me. The rejection sears my exposed skin. I feel stupid for sitting in front of him in my bra whilst having this conversation. I jump up from the sofa and quickly scramble for my sweater. I pull it over my head, I want to hide under here forever and not have to face him. I finally muster the courage to poke my head out, but I can’t bring myself to look at him.

“Crystal. I’m sorry.” He runs a hand through his messy hair, looking exasperated.

My eyes snap to him on the sofa, and the rage slowly starts to creep through my bones. How did I not see this coming? Surely, the moment was too good to be true. I pinch the bridge of my nose, the start of a headache is throbbing behind my eyes. He looks at me with a sorry look on his face, and I can’t bear it.

“Save it. I don’t need your pity. Jesus.” I wrap my arms around me, I still feel naked and raw. He doesn’t say anything, his lips form a flat line and I try to force back my words but I know I’ll regret it if I don’t lay it all out for him.

“Whatever happened to living in the moment? And not worrying about what might happen in the future. How are things ever meant to grow organically if you think the worst? Not everyone is going to leave you, you know. But you won’t even give anyone a chance to get close to you because you’re too scared.” I throw both my arms up wide, I’m so annoyed that he toyed with me and then cut me down. I don’t care that I might hurt his feelings, he needs to hear the truth.

He doesn’t say anything, he leans forward and puts his head in his hands. He’s clamming up again, I can see it happening right in front of me.

“You need to get out of your head and start living in the present. Stop letting what happened in the past dictate your life.”

I’m sick of people talking about the past and the future and making things more complicated than they need to be. He finally looks up at me, and I see the pain in his eyes. I want to fall down at his knees and make sure he’s okay, but I can’t keep doing this push and pull game with him.

“I’m going to bed,” I back away, and turn down the hallway.

He doesn’t try to stop me.

I barely get the door closed to my room before I break into a soft sob. The rejection, the embarrassment, the confusion about how I feel towards him is eating away at me. What am I doing? This isn’t me. I shake the tears away because I refuse to cry over a man, especially one who doesn’t want me.

I change into my comfy pyjamas and climb into bed. I can still feel his hands and lips tingling away at my skin. I wish I could have a shower and scrub away the smell of him, but I don’t want the possibility of having to face him. I roll over, and start counting the stars in the night sky, anything to take my mind off of what just happened.

I hear soft footsteps stop outside my door, I look over my shoulder to see the shadow of his feet underneath. He’s lingering outside, and I want him to knock, but he doesn’t.

I can see it in my head, his fist hovering close to the door ready to knock, but what would he say? There’s nothing to say, his face said it all. I hear his bedroom door softly click shut. Tonight was all the confirmation I needed that nothing will ever happen between us, and the sooner I can finish the website, the quicker I can get out of here. I will myself to sleep, but all I see is his sad, sorry face when I close my eyes.

22

Rabbie

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