Page 38 of Santa Has Tentacles

And I really needed caffeine if I was going to pretend to be a morning person to keep him from worrying.

“There is a significant variety.” Picking me up, Saint climbed off the bed as he started explaining how breakfast would work. “Humans prefer to consume eggs for breakfast and many have adapted to that preference. There are also meats and a product calledoatmeal.”

His head cocked as he took me into the bathroom. “There is great debate over the texture.”

I managed not to laugh out loud but he must’ve realized how funny I found it because he frowned at me. “Slime is no laughing matter, my Colby.”

He definitely wasn’t helping, but I managed to get better control of myself. “Sorry, my Saint.”

Ignoring how pleased he was at that, I kissed his cheek and decided to keep distracting him. “Are we going to shower together this morning? I usually start my day getting clean because it helps my brain wake up.”

Bingo.

“You were highly frustrated that morning had come, my Colby.” Setting me down in front of the toilet, Saint just grabbed my dick and pointed it at the bowl like there was nothing interesting about it. “Do many humans come in this variation?”

I hadn’t really thought of morning people versus night people in that way, but sometimes it felt like we were different species.

“Yes, but I’ll try not to be unreasonable about it.” That was the best I could do. “I’m never late for work, though.”

I’d just cut it close more than a few times.

“Helping my submissive human to prioritize being well rested and keeping track of his schedule is a dominant’s job.” Shifting the conversation again, Saint patted my butt. “Eliminate, my Colby.”

Piss.

Got it.

Letting out a breath, I stopped thinking about wandering tentacles and focused on releasing my bladder. It took a few seconds longer than he seemed to understand, but being ordered to pee was actually hot in an unexpected way and that wasn’t helping me go faster either.

“Good boy.” More pats only made my dick more confused about what the fuck we were doing, and by the time I was finished, Saint was playing with it and not just holding it. “Many humans wake up in a state of arousal. However, there are humans who find a variety of nonsexual activities as sexually pleasurable.”

It wasn’t really a question but he was studying me just a bit too hard as he released my dick. “I will not be startled by unexpected desires. I have made an extensive study of possibilities.”

Don’t worry about being freaky…he’d seen it all.

In his research, at the very least.

“It’s not the pissing.” I’d never had to say that to anyone I’d dated or just slept with before, but it wasn’t as hard to get out as I thought it would be. “It’s the fact that you were taking control of it. My sub side just really likes it when you’re so confident about taking control.”

Oh.

“And yeah, waking up hard or halfway there is just part of being a human male.” I didn’t want to forget about that part and wake up tomorrow with him being convinced the sheets turned me on too.

“Thank you for the clarification.” A pat on the head came with a smile that time before he went over and washed his tentacles. “The human helpers would require I explain your state if you become aroused at breakfast. It would be observed.”

They’d all watch and wonder why oatmeal turned the human on…got it.

“I have also been advised to inform you that our social customs around mates are unique with humans. Different. They are different.” Looking pleased at correcting himself quicker that time, Saint puffed up as he turned the shower on. “Once we are mated, we do not engage in social touching with other humans. None of my species will touch you no matter if you are aroused or plain.”

Was there a word for not aroused?

I shoved that question to the back of my head until I had caffeine, but I nodded. “I’ve read some books about humans having relationships with you guys. I figured those points out already.”

Hmm.

“Does that mean you’re not going to be a party Santa anymore?” Wait. “How did you get that job?”

“Human minds are interesting, my Colby.” Steering me into the shower, Saint closed the glass door and positioned me under the fantastic spray. “No. I will not be holding humans on my lap and asking what they desire.”

---