Page 37 of Santa Has Tentacles

His bubbly laughter said he was very pleased with himself.

“You are stubborn, my Colby.” Rubbing my back, he puffed and wiggled as he snuggled me tighter. “We must discuss food and hydrate you. Humans are delicate and you consumed much energy in your pleasures.”

Well, he wasn’t exactly wrong.

But did he even have food?

That question made me curious enough to lift my head and look over at his tiny and very empty-looking kitchen. “You won’t let me have brownies for breakfast.”

I was pretty sure that was all he had and his shocked inhale said that was an insane thought.

As I giggled, he shook his head and did his frustrated human impression. “No. That is not proper nutrition for my human.”

I decided not to tell him I’d had ice cream for breakfast twice last week.

He probably wouldn’t understand that adding peanuts on top made it healthy.

“There is a communal space called a dining hall which provides a variety of edible material for meals.” He paused, making me want to giggle again. “There is a dining hall which provides a variety of meal options for both our species.”

“Good editing, my Saint.” Kissing his cheek to hopefully distract him, I wiggled and sighed to signal more drama. “But what about coffee? I might be good and stop grumbling if I can have caffeine.”

It was his turn to be dramatic.

“Providing neurotoxins to boost mood is not healthy.” Saint paused, making me realize he hadn’t been talking to me. “Logic does not reach that conclusion.”

The neighbors.

Great.

Were they going to talk him into coffee or out of it?

I was voting into it based on the frown on his face.

“Withdrawal.”

He sighed.

Yes!

Neurotoxins for the win.

“Consensus is moderation with humans and addicting substances.” He wasn’t happy with it but someone had pointed out we were assholes when we went through withdrawal.

“Just one.” Giving him a quick peck, I tried to look happier since looking dramatic didn’t seem to be the best plan. “Then I’ll have water.”

That was what I usually did anyway, so it was easy to sound truthful.

“I will accept that deal as long as it comes with morning food that has nutritional value.” Two smaller tentacles crossed over his torso like he was folding his arms. “Donuts are not considered of value.”

Well, it depended on what we were considering valuable.

“I understand.” That wasn’t a bad tradeoff. “I will not ask for junk.”

“The human art of grumbling would apply in this situation. However, I value clear communication.” He looked like he was starting to question that decision, though.

Time for a distraction.

“What kind of food do they serve?” I was brilliant. He perked right up and switched gears. Giving me information was more fun than practicing the human art of grumbling. “We had a big dinner but I’m going to be hungry before too long.”

---