Page 36 of Gift from the Wing

One, I would’ve lost my shit, killed some people, then drunk myself into a stupor, cussing my uncle theentire time.

Or two, it would’ve been the opposite. I would’ve heard this information, accepted it, and shoved anything that tried to rise in me down until I felt nothing at all. Then I would’ve moved on.

But no, of fucking course not. I can’t do either of those things. My mind, heart, and soul simply won’t allow it.

The three parts that make me who I am are working against me. Forcing me to feel it all. Embrace it despite my dark attempts to ignore it.

I hate the fact that I’m mad, confused, heartbroken, understanding, guilty. Fuck, there are others in there too. I just can’t put a word to them.

Looking down at the curvy body pressed so close to mine that we’re almost one, I smirk. She did nothing wrong crashing into my life or making me feel things. It’s a blessing to feel every part of her. It’s everything else that’s confusing.

I command my shadows to caress every surface of her. She caught me multiple times today staring at her or staring off into space. She never called me out, not once. She’ll allow me to sit with these traitorous feelings until I figure it out on my own, then she’ll listen to everything I need to say.

Which could take forever for all I know.

I tried today, tried hard to pull myself out of the funk this news put me in. We spent the day together, hiding away and growing more familiar with this wing. This whole part of the palace that is now apparently ours. Made and designed specifically for us because every fucking adult in our lives was told one way or another how our lives would go.

It was just us who fucking didn’t know.

Closing my eyes shut, I breathe through the darkness that rises in me quickly, then like a caged animal, it sprints through my body furiously because it has nowhere to go, doesn’t know where to go.

It’s trapped. Confused.

I have enough humility in me to admit that I still have a way to go with managing my darker side, but at the same time, I’m now a man I wouldn’t have recognized a year ago—hell, months—and I’m proud of that fact. I’ve learned through my little Primary and on my own how to pull myself back from the ledge, but today has me feeling like my feet are glued in place. I can’t jump off the edge, nor can I step down from it. I’m just stuck.

Allowing my shadows to travel her body once more, I command them to wrap around her, and I place her on my brother’s chest. His hands instinctively hold her, pulling her close as she whimpers through the sudden jolting. I give it a second to make sure she settles down completely before I shadow out of the room.

It’s this damn wing.

I both hate it and fucking love it.

I need a break from it to clear my mind.

Shadowing through the wings, I end up standing in a room I loathe even more. The bare walls, made bed, and empty bookshelves do nothing to soothe the racing thoughts and new fears that’ve been rising in me since our encounter with the Summum-Master. It’s just all been building up and I feel like today was my cherry on top. This fucking nightmare of a bedroom that lies lifeless in the east wing doesn’t help a bit.

After I was rescued and brought back here, I grew to hate this room. With a passion. I had no choice but to lie in this bed that I park my ass on, for over a week while I healed physically. It only took a day for my anger to grow to unspeakable heights as I stared at these four walls with nothing to distract my mind.

It was its own brand of torture that I’ve yet to let go of.

Letting my mind drift back to those memories is a surefire way to summon the darkness, and I feel it rising fast, trampling over any other emotion as my vision starts to blur.

A sharp knock snaps me back, and I whip my head toward the sound. Only two people could have followed me this quickly—it takes a split second to know exactly who’s on the other side.

“It’s open, Core,” I grunt, then blow out a harsh breath and run my hands down my face.

He slowly pushes the door open and leans against the frame, staring at me. We hold each other’s gazes for what feels like an eternity.

His shoulders sag as he takes a few steps into the room, then kicks the door shut behind him. So uncharacteristically of him, he plops down haphazardly on the bed beside me and flings himself back, covering hisface with his arms.

“You okay?” I ask.

Not gonna lie, I’m a little taken aback by his actions. He’s been so put together, smiling, teasing all day with the Primary, and this whole exasperated demeanor is throwing me.

“Me? I’m not the one who shadowed out of the bedroom in the middle of the night,” he says without bothering to remove his hand from his face.

“Speaking of which, you’re supposed to be holding my Primary right now. I left her in your care,” I say, attempting to take the focus off me.

“You may believe you travel like smoke on the wind, brother, but I can assure you, you didn’t get out of the hallway before she was up, attempting to follow you.” A small smirk pulls at the corner of his lips.

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