Page 7 of The Bourbon Bargain

“It’s all mixed up together, the joy and the pain. How am I supposed to disentangle everything I felt in the whirlwind that happened in just two weeks?”

“Well, how about reframing the question. Would you be disappointed if this relationship never happened, despite all of the heartaches?”

The memories feel like weapons as I fight my way backward through the short time I have known Hayes. There was an instant attraction and connection, which is unusual for me. He didn’t have to give a silly Southern belle the time of day, yet he was kind and helped me when I needed it. He promised to worship my body when I was ready, and boy did he follow through. I’ve never been so in control of what I wanted than when I was with Hayes, and that thought buoys me up out of the current with a clarity I have been lacking.

“I would do it all again,” I whisper, feeling the truth in my words like a golden tattoo emblazoned on my soul. “I would take every heartache and betrayal to have that connection with Hayes again.”

Alex takes both of my hands in his and gives me a long look. “There’s your answer. The pain was worth it to experience what you did.”

six

Paige

Ipacetheshortdistance between the two windows in Alex’s living room on the morning of my third day in New York, looking for answers over the dark Manhattan skyline and hoping for some kind of clarity on how I can go back in time and salvage my marriage. This visit has been a balm to my broken heart. It’s been wonderful to be carefree and to walk the streets of Brooklyn and Manhattan with Alex, without a single person recognizing me.

Carefree or not, a part of me is homesick, and it’s not my childhood home or Savannah that I’m yearning for, it’s the Buckhead mansion with an underhanded man and his giant demon dog that fills my mind on a loop.

A soft knock at the door freezes me mid-step, and I turn toward the entryway. It’s just after six, Alex is still asleep in his room and didn’t tell me to expect any visitors. Maybe it’s one of his friends, or maybe a fling not expecting to meet a random girl in his apartment. I look back at Alex’s closed door and wonder if I should get him up. No, it’s so early, it’s better to let him sleep. It’s probably someone looking for another apartment, anyway.

I pad softly to the door in my socks and look through the peephole, but I can’t see anything. I definitely didn’t imagine the knock, so I make sure the chain is engaged and slowly open the door a crack to peek outside. My eyes travel down toward the mat where Cerberus is sitting like the regal, imposing guard dog he is, a piece of paper tied around his neck with a red ribbon. I scan the hallway looking for Hayes, but it’s empty and I’m wondering at the craziness of seeing his dog here in Brooklyn. Am I dreaming? I take the chain off and open the door wider.

“Well, butter my backside and call me a biscuit. You’re a sight for sore eyes, big guy,” I whisper.

Cerberus’s nubbin tail thumps the mat as I run my hands over his sleek fur and place a kiss on his big, blocky head. I drop to my knees in front of him, where we’re the same height and I can better read the note around his neck.

Paige (my most favorite human of all time, whom I love even more than my dad who raised me, feeds me, and deals with my shit),

My dad messed up big time. So bad, not even a pretty poem could fix it. Seriously, he tried for hours. His ego is really big, and it hurt when he realized he was wrong. You were right to leave him for what he did. That’s why I’m showing up late. He was sad (and really stupid) and wouldn’t bring me sooner, but I wish I could have made you feel better. Trust me, I was mad at him, too. I took a Jurassic dump on the kitchen floor to get back at him when he showed up at home without you. You’re welcome.

I giggle and rub Cerberus’s face for having my back and staging a coup against his dad. I return my eyes to the note and continue reading, feeling my heart slowly thawing with every sentence.

You made our family whole, and we both miss you more than words can say. It’s too quiet, too clean, and not nearly enough fun in Atlanta without you, and we want you back. You made Dad happier than I’ve ever seen him, and you’re the only person I’ve liked more than him since I was a puppy. He wants to be a better man completely deserving of you. Teach him how.

It’s not the same without you. Please forgive him for being a big jerk and not being honest with you. I know he doesn’t deserve it, but we’re both hoping your big heart can extend some grace to him.

XOXO,

C and H

PS - say “Apologize.”

I sit back on my heels and raise an eyebrow at Cerberus. “Apologize?”

He raises his front paws off the floor and sits back on his haunches. He brings his paws together and howls so loud that I fall back into the apartment on my bottom. I start laughing as Cerberus continues to howl, begging in his best rendition of a completely tone-deaf request for forgiveness.

“Okay, okay. Apology accepted,” I say quickly, to get him to stop and not wake the whole building.

Cerberus immediately stops howling and plants his paws back on the mat before he rushes in and covers my face in slobbery dog kisses that just make me laugh harder.

“His singing voice is better than mine, believe it or not.”

I look up from petting Cerberus, who is all but trying to sit his massive one-hundred-pound body into my lap, and take in Hayes.

“I wasn’t mad at him, so he didn’t have to apologize.”

Hayes tentatively steps toward the door and squats down to eye level, looking like a luxurious dark dream in his black peacoat, black cashmere sweater that hugs his chest, and charcoal slacks that mold to his big thighs. He runs a hand through his hair, but it’s already disheveled like he’s repeated the motion many times before this instance.

“I kind of hoped you might be a little more interested in talking to me if I had backup.”

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