Page 118 of The Photograph

“Your grandma?”

He presses his lips inward when I say this. “Yeah, yeah. Leaving Nana would be …”

“And Betsy,” I add, and he laughs and it lightens the moment a bit.

His legs are a solid outline under the thin sheets, and I move my thigh into his. To have him there, to not be missing him if I was there and he was here. My chest is full of light.

“Would you want me to come?” His voice wobbles like he’s unsure what my answer’s going to be, and a laugh bursts out of my chest.

“Are you kidding? It would beamazing. Holy shit.” I bury my face in his neck again, push my whole body into his side and fling a leg over his. “Are yousure?”

“I’m so sure, to be honest,” he says, and I pull back to study him. “Nana notwithstanding, I’ve been treading water for the last six years, even in college. I was too terrified to do anything there, and living at home to save money … what was I thinking? Why was I not out having the time of my life? This is New York for God’s sake. I’m twenty-four and it’s like I’m already on a dead-end treadmill. My life in a cube mapped out for the next forty years.”

He turns his head on the pillow toward me, and I’m so fucking surprised to see something burning behind his eyes.

“It could be good, Des, really good. If I was here, I’d feel the need to go home and see my parents every week or two weeks, and I’d be weathering their disapproval and no doubt attempts to ‘bring me back into the fold,’ whatever that means. I’m not sure I can go through it all again.”

My little adventurer.“What about your sisters?”

“I’ll find another way to support them—money or Zoom calls or helping them escape. You were right, they shouldn’t be living there.” He turns his head and stares at the ceiling again. “You know when something snaps in you, and you just know you’re not doing that thing ever again? Well, that’s how I feel. It was a huge mistake to go back home after college.”

“Seoul won’t be like New York. It’s nowhere near as open.”

“Yeah, but you’re forgetting the suppressed environment I’ve just left. It will be an adventure, and I’ll be doing it withyou.It sounds like heaven.”

“I am not heaven to live with, believe you me.”

He grins and nudges me with his leg. “You’re forgetting that I know what you’re like to live with, Des. The idea of starting again somewhere new, with you … I want to change my life and not just because of you, but because it’stime,because I’ve squandered the last six years.”

I wrap my arm around his waist and tighten it into a hug. “Don’t think like that: Nothing is ever wasted. You got a degree, you saved money, you gained experience. You met me. It’s easy to think there’s a magic better out there, whereas the better life is often sitting inside us just waiting to be unlocked.”

He laughs. “What cereal carton did you get that great philosophical insight from?”

Tutting, I say, “Shut up, you. I’m older than you, is all. When you’re my age you’ll find that …”

His fingers dig into my side as his arms tighten around me, and I let out a loud shriek he recoils from, but then he rolls me over and pins me down into the sheets and torments me some more. Mitzi jumps off the bed with a soft whine.

“You’re upsetting the dog!” I gasp-shout, trying to wriggle out of his grasp.

But he just laughs. “This is a turn-on actually,” he says, and oh! that is the best idea, so I stretch up to kiss him. That shouldstop the torture. He responds by pressing his hips into me and deepening the kiss, hands leaving my waist to invade my hair, and the weight and heat of him makes me groan.

When he pulls back again, another secret I haven’t shared pops into my head. “Your grandma invited me to lunch to encourage me to make things up with you. She told me to be less demanding, and to forgive you your little hiccups.”

He smiles. “That’s very kind of her.”

“She was right. I think she was trying to put things right, to make amends for outing you.”

“Yeah, we’ve made our peace, I think. Am I allowed to call you Mr. Demanding in future?”

“If you like.” I squeeze his waist. “There was a reason for it.”

He frowns.

“There was a reason she outed you with your father. Nate was gay.”

His eyes widen. “What?Noway, Des. They had thehappiestmarriage. It’s looked on in our family as this shining example of how to do married life.”

“That’s what she told me, so maybe you need to talk to her about it. It’s her story to tell. Suffice to say, she did it because she didn’t want you to suffer like he did.”

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