Page 101 of The Photograph

“Oh,Alex,” she says, pressing her hand to her chest.

And I haven’t even got on to Des’s unhappiness with me yet. I run my hands over my face, and she takes hold of my elbow. “Come and have a cup of something and talk to your grandma.”

She shuffles down the corridor and rings the bell, and Anna appears. “Tea, Anna, please,” she says, sinking down into the brocade sofa. I take a seat next to her, glancing at my watch: 10 p.m. Howlatedoes Anna work?

“Tell me what’s happened.”

I bite my lip. “After the meal at home when you …” I tail off as she grimaces. “Your spies were right, I left and went to live with Des.” I study my hands. “Then Dad came round to Des’s apartment to apologize.”

“Your father did that?” Nana huffs as Anna appears and sets out the cups and saucers on the low coffee table between us. “He probably read some book about effective intervention strategies and thought he’d try it out.”

Anna hands Nana her tea, and she takes a sip, closing her eyes as I gape at her.

“Your mother must have made him come,” she adds, letting out a deep sigh. “So, I presume you didn’t decide to go back to live with your parents because your father said he was fine with you being gay?”

“No. I talked to Rachel and she just … Well, things were bad at home, and I needed to take some of the responsibility for that.”

“The responsibility rests with no one but your father.”

“I get that, but I thought if I went back, maybe I could make it easier. But instead, it got more complicated. They wanted to sweep it all under the carpet.”

“No surprises there.”

“What do you mean?”

“Your father isn’t a pleasant man, Alex, and you were completely right: I spoiled him terribly when he was younger.I’ve regretted that every day watching the way he treats his family as if they are his personal set of toys to play with.” She tuts. “He was never good at sharing.”

My jaw drops. She’s never said anything like this about Dad.

“He’s your son,” I say.

“Yes, he is!” she says sharply. “And I understand his flaws better than anyone.” Closing her eyes again, she takes a deep breath. “I wanted to help you break free.”

Shock burns through me. But she carries on:

“After what happened with Tom, I was pretty sure you were gay, but then you brought Des around and that just confirmed it. I knew you wouldn’t confront your father; he’s too much of a bully.”

“You did it deliberately?” My voice shakes.

She nods, warm, wet eyes roving my face. “And I’m so sorry for that. I’ve never done something so misguided with my grandchildren. Nate would be furious with me, God rest his soul. But your father … I’m sorry he hit you, Alex.” Her eyes water as her mouth turns down, and she sweeps out a shaking hand. “I never thought he would do something like that now.”

“His rages have always been terrifying,” I say.

Reaching out, she puts a trembling hand on mine, and I curl my fingers around hers. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you. I knew you’d gone to live with Des, and I was pleased you were with him and I thought I’d apologize when you were past wanting to murder me.” She gives a small smile.

A rush of warmth floods through me. I’ve never heard her so uncertain. “You’re forgiven, Nana. But I still feel dreadful about Tom,” I add.

She nods. “So do I, but Tom’s family are much worse than yours, which is not your burden.”

“Tom blames me. Even though it was him who …”

“Rachel did a good job of persuading your parents that Tom led you astray, but when you talked to me about it, I felt that wasn’t quite the full picture.”

She lets go of my hand and sips her tea.

“I’ve known since I was a teenager that I liked men, but I didn’t think I was gay—I had girlfriends. I don’t know what I thought.” I pick at some skin on my hand. “I was trying to fit in, sweeping it all under the rug like my parents.” A harsh laugh slips out. “Then I met Des,” I say.

“All it takes is the right person,” she says. “So.” She purses her lips. “Are you going to continue to let them sweep it all under the rug?”

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