Page 44 of Shadow of Death

“Why isn’t she helping you, then? Why is she upset if she got what she wanted?” he said, staring at me as if I were as unreliable as Varic.

“She’s not happy, but she won’t let me die. She wanted a scene of your father’s death but has no replacement for me.”

It wasn’t clear if he believed me. It was as if months of trust had been destroyed with that one horrible moment that could never be made right.

He pushed off the bureau. “Well, Varic isn’t wasting any time. He asked if I could go to a neighboring village they trade with. I won’t be back until tonight.”

He was waiting for me to say something, and I didn’t know what. Did he want me to ask himnotto go? That would never happen.

“I’ll be fine,” I said.

“I don’t think he’ll do anything crazy today, but just be cautious.”

“I’m not afraid to be alone. I can handle this. Watch out for yourself. You’re going to be out with people who are more likely to stab you in the back if you trip than give you a hand up.”

“I know.” He grabbed his jacket and left.

I didn’t move for a few minutes, digesting the coldness that had seemed to settle in between us. At least he was talking to me. I wasn’t sitting in a cell, and the darkness that had been clawing at me was now barely perceptible. The situation was bad, but it wasn’t the worst.

There was a knock at the door. “Piper, it’s Aunt Elara.”

I opened it, smiling, not sure what kind of visit to expect. If anyone did have reason to throw me in there, it would be her. It had been her brother I’d killed.

She walked in with her arms overflowing with clothing and placed the items on the bed.

“I’m glad you are here,” I said. “I wanted to tell you I don’t know what happened with your brother, but I’m sorry for your loss.”

She looked at me as if she weren’t buying my ignorance for a second, and yet she was still smiling at me. “I’m sure it wasn’t your fault,” she said. “Anyway, that’s not why I’m here. I wanted to bring you some more items to wear, since you might be here for a while longer.”

I looked at the pile of dresses on the bed. There didn’t seem to be a pair of pants in the pile. It was a far cry from the jeans and sweaters I typically wore. Still, it was better than nothing fornow. Plus, I might not be able to leave, but Kicks was out every day. He could surely grab me a few things while he was out.

“Thank you. I appreciate the items.”

“I took the liberty of selecting what I thought might look good on you and also what might be more appropriate for this place. It’s probably different from what you’re used to.”

“Appropriate?”

“The men here prefer women to appear a certain way. Things will go easier if you go along with what’s expected.”

I’d noticed that I hadn’t seen a pair of pants in the place, but I hadn’t realized it was because of some set standard.

“Let me know if you need anything,” she said as she headed to the door.

I nodded.

You need to go out and about. They need to know you’re not afraid of them,Widow Herbert said as she sat on the bed.If they think you’re afraid, they’ll begin to wonder if you have any capabilities left and then press their hand.

“I don’t care what they think. I just want out of this godforsaken place.” I leaned my head on the window sash, letting the sun shine on my face as I looked below. There were more men down and around the perimeter than I’d realized when we approached. Or maybe Varic had ordered them there recently? Didn’t really matter, since they were there now.

Having them see you will start to make them get used to seeing you. The more they see you, the more relaxed they’ll become.

“I know you’re right.” Still, I hated this place so much that I didn’t want to see any of them. Not yet.

You’re strong. You will get through this,she said.

“Or die. Maybe both of us.” Although if they touched Kicks, I was going scorched earth. I wasn’t leaving this place until it was a pile of rubble, their bodies all burned beneath—well, except for Didi and Aunt Elara. They seemed like decent sorts. I couldn’t bury them.

Death won’t let that happen while she still has some control of you.

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