Page 54 of Essence of his Soul

“Thank you again for dinner. I’ll pick Tyler up from Kelly’s and bring him home tomorrow afternoon.”

Eyes blinking open, I stared in disbelief at Mark’s retreating back. “What just happened?” I murmured as I leaned against the door and watched him climb into the car and drive away.

* * *

Tamara’s expression was pure disbelief. “I can’t believe heplayed you like that.”

I turned away from the counter, balancing two mugs of hot cocoa in my hands as I walked over to the table. Tamara was amused, but I found nothing funny about this situation.

“I don’t get it,” I huffed, placing the mugs down and sinking into the chair. “I invited him in, was ready to ask him to stay the night, and he just turned around and walked away.” Frustration bubbled up again, igniting the anger I’d been trying to shake all night. “What is wrong with that man?”

I had never felt so mad—or embarrassed—in my life. I went all out for this night, bought a new outfit, arranged for Auntie Kelly to keep Tyler overnight, and even planned every detail of how I’d finally allow Mark to make love to me. An entire night together, no walls, no hesitation, just me and him. But no. Instead of ending the night in his arms, I was here, venting to Tamara like a fool. What more did Mark want from me? He told me I had to make the next move, and I did. At least, IthoughtI did. My body language screamed, 'Come get me,' but apparently, he hadn’t heard a damn thing.

Too humiliated and restless to sleep, I drove straight to Tamara’s place. As soon as I stepped inside, I let it all out, hoping my sister would give me clarity. Instead, she found the whole thing hilarious, making me feel worse.

“I’ll tell you what’s wrong,” Tamara said, her voice smug as she leaned across the kitchen table. “He’s tired of the games.”

I blinked at her, my confusion only growing. “Who’s playing games?”

“You are,” she chuckled, dropping marshmallows into her cocoa. “You’ve been stringing that man along since he returned like you don’t know what you want. Sis, you know you want him.”

I rolled my eyes, staring at the ceiling, the frustration rolling off me in waves. “I never said I didn’t want him. I just don’t wantto marry him.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Tamara’s tone shifted, her playful smile fading as her dark gaze locked on mine. Her face was serious now, and I could feel her cutting through all my excuses.

I sighed, the weight of everything crashing down. “The problem is, I’m so sexually frustrated, I don’t even know what to do anymore.” I leaned forward, resting my forehead in my hand with a groan. I didn’t understand it. For two years, I hadn’t even thought about intimacy. I was fine—content, even—with my celibate life. It was my choice, and I owned it. Then, out of nowhere, Mark had to come back into my life and flip everything upside down. Now, I couldn’t sleep without dreaming about him. He made me want things I thought I could live without. I ached for him, and it scared me. I had forgotten what it felt like to want someone this much. The intensity of it all was overwhelming.

“I told you what you need to do—seduce him,” Tamara said.

I groaned again, feeling completely drained. “What do you think I was trying to do?”

“Try harder.” She smirked like it was apparent. “Girl, the ball is in your court. You hold the trump card.”

I raised an eyebrow, not following. “The trump card?”

Tamara gave me that look, the one she used when she thought she knew everything. “Yeah, Tyler.”

I waved her off, rolling my eyes at the idea. “Omg! Whatever.”

“I’m serious, Essence.” Tamara’s voice softened as she leaned in. “You’ve said it yourself—Tyler needs his father. You love Mark, and he’s already made it clear he wants to marry you.” She raised her eyebrow, waiting for me to come up with an excuse. “So, what’s the problem? Sounds like the perfect solution to me.”

“He doesn’t love me,” I whined, the weight of those wordshitting me harder. Grief and despair tugged at my heart, twisting it in ways I didn’t want to feel.

Tamara stared at me like I had just said something ridiculous. “Girl, he will learn to love you if he hasn’t already.” Her voice slowed and gentle, as if she could sense my doubts.

I pushed my curls back from my face, the frustration still simmering beneath the surface. “Nope, I can’t deal with this emotional stress anymore.” I couldn’t keep putting myself out there only to feel like I was hitting a brick wall.

Tamara’s eyes widened, her face a mix of shock and disbelief. “Wait, what? So, you’re just gonna give up?”

My chest tightened as the truth settled in. I loved Mark in a way I would never love another man, and the pain of knowing that made everything feel impossible. The weight of it all was suffocating.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying to control my emotions. “Yes, I have to.”

Tamara took a slow sip of her cocoa, her eyes never leaving mine. “I hope you know what you’re doing.”

I looked at her, trying to appear more confident than I felt. Deep down, I couldn’t shake the fear that I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life.

* * *

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