Page 27 of Essence of his Soul

Joshua’s expression turned serious for a moment. “Nah, for real, bruh. You do you. Don’t be like me.”

“Now that’s the best advice I’ve heard yet,” Chris said, nodding.

I took a deep breath, feeling the support of my boys. “I guess I need to find a way to balance my sense of duty with opening up to what a relationship with Essence could mean.”

Chris raised his bottle, smiling. “To finding that balance, and to you finally being home.”

Joshua clinked his glass against ours. “To Mark. May you figure out what the hell right looks like.”

As we toasted, the conversation lightened, and laughter replaced the intensity. But their words stayed with me. Maybe love wasn’t something I had to believe in from the jump, but something I could build through the responsibility I already held close.

Chapter 7

Two years earlier…

"Is something wrong?" I asked, keeping my voice calm, though my heart was doing somersaults in my chest. I’d noticed throughout dinner that Mark had gotten quieter, his usual smooth, easy-going vibe replaced with something heavier, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

He’d taken me to one of the fanciest spots on the Baltimore Harbor for the weekend. He told me to dress up and wear my best. The evening felt like it had a purpose, like something big was brewing underneath the surface. He was holding something back, and I’d been waiting all through dinner, the anticipation clawing at me, making it hard to even enjoy the meal. My imagination was running wild. Whatever it was, he was about to say it, and I was ready to hear it.

As if he could feel the tension building between us, Mark reached across the table, his strong hands wrapping around mine. His touch was warm and familiar, but the weight behind it made me feel like something was slipping away. He finally lifted his head, his golden-brown eyes locking onto mine. “There’s a plane leaving Dover Air Force Base in the morning. I’ve got orders to be on it.”

My heart dropped. “What? B-but I thought you had until the end of the week?”

He shook his head, his jaw tight. “I thought so, too, but things changed. I got orders this afternoon.”

I dropped my gaze, trying to hide the tears welling up in my eyes. I didn’t want him to see me break. But Mark, being Mark,gently tilted my chin up with his hand, forcing me to look at him. His touch was tender, but I could feel the firmness in his fingers as if he needed me to stay grounded in this moment.

“Hey…” he said, flashing me that smile of his—wide and reassuring—but it didn’t reach his eyes. “We still have tonight.”

I swallowed hard, forcing myself to smile back, but the pain in my chest was impossible to ignore. It felt like the floor had dropped out from under me, and I was free-falling, trying to grab onto something to stop the ache.

The waitress appeared out of nowhere, placing two slices of strawberry cheesecake on the table like nothing was wrong. It felt so out of place, like a bad joke in the middle of a funeral. I picked up my fork and stabbed into the dessert, taking a big bite to fill the silence. I wasn’t even hungry, but the quiet was suffocating.

Mark noticed the shift, too. He lowered his fork, leaned forward, and studied my face like he was trying to figure out what I was thinking. “Just because I’m leaving doesn’t mean we can’t remain friends.”

My breath caught, and I hesitated, my voice barely a whisper. “Is that all I am to you?”

Mark leaned back in his chair, running a hand over his face. He sighed deeply before speaking. “Essence, I’ve been as honest as I can be. I’m not looking for a relationship. I’m always on the move, always going to the next mission. The military doesn’t leave room for staying in one place or…for anyone.”

I nodded, swallowing back the lump in my throat, even though it felt like I was swallowing shards of glass. I wanted to scream, to cry, to make him understand what this was doing to me, but instead, I kept my face calm, refusing to let him see me fall apart. “You don’t have to explain. I get it. Long-distance relationships… they don’t work.”

He gave me a smile, but there was regret in his eyes, regretI couldn’t ignore. He extended his hand across the table again. “Friends?”

For a second, I just stared at his hand. That simple gesture felt final and empty, carrying the weight of everything I feared losing. Finally, I reached out and took it, forcing myself to grip it like I was okay with this. But inside, my heart was screaming. I felt hollow, like I was playing a part in some scene I had never auditioned for, but here I was, trapped in it.

“Friends,” I repeated, though deep down, every part of me wanted something more.

The doorbell chiming from the app on my cell phone jolted me awake. The bedroom was still dark, and the clock on my nightstand read 5:30 a.m. Who in the world would be at my door this early?

Groggily, I slipped into my robe, tying the belt tightly around my waist as I approached the front door. Peering through the peephole, I saw Mark standing there. Why am I not surprised? The military does more before eight a.m. than most people do all day. I unlocked the door and cracked it open, blinking away the remnants of sleep. “Mark.”

“Good morning. I hope I didn’t wake Tyler,” he said, his voice calm, almost too casual for the time of day.

What about waking me?I thought but bit my tongue. “No, although he’ll be up soon. Why are you here?”

“Did you forget I was coming to spend the day with Tyler?”

When Mark said he’d be by in the morning, I didn’t think he meantthisearly. I was pretty sure I made it clear he should come after I’d left for work. “I said to come over when Liz is here.”

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