Page 87 of Essence of his Soul

Joshua turned to look at me, then back at the TV, shaking his head with that signature grin women loved. “Bruh, who are you trying to fool? This ismeyou’re talking to.”

I wasn’t sure why I’d hit him up to meet for drinks. Maybe I thought having someone around would keep me from spiraling too deep into my own mess. But sitting here, staring at theamber liquid in my glass, all I could think about was how badly I’d screwed things up with Essence.

Joshua raised his bottle to his lips, then lowered it, still eyeing me. “I keep telling you there is too much sweet candy out here. Why are you trying to settle with just one flavor?”

That was Joshua’s way—one woman never enough, always chasing the next thrill. But me? I was done with that. I wasn’t chasing. I was trying to hold onto what I already had.

“You know this is all Diamere’s fault, right?” I muttered, staring into my drink. “If he hadn’t called and told me Ryan was having twins, none of this would’ve happened.”

Essence had it all twisted. I shared the ‘cheaper to keep her’ phone conversation and how the whole mess had blown up in my face.

Joshua raised an eyebrow. “Have you asked Dime to talk to her and straighten this mess out?”

“Nah,” I shook my head, swirling the drink. “This is my problem, not his.”

Joshua’s eyes followed some redbone female across the bar. Still, I wasn’t paying attention to anything except the mess I’d made. “Dammit,” I muttered, more to myself than to him. “I really messed this up.”

“I have no doubt you’ll work it out. Meanwhile, you ready to make that move to Texas?” Joshua asked, dragging me out of my own pity party.

“It’s just another day,” I replied, lifting the glass to my lips.

Joshua smirked. “Man, I’m thinking about re-enlisting for another six. This uniform is too damn sexy to give up.” He flashed that grin again, but it didn’t reach me.

I managed a chuckle, then took another sip, my mind still on Essence. “I’ll only do twenty if I have my family with me.” Otherwise, I was getting out at the end of my enlisted contract and returning to Delaware to be near my son… and Essence.

“You know I’m all about staying single and enjoying the beautiful women of the world,” Joshua said with a chuckle. “But I can see that ain’t where your head is no more. So, go get your family back.”

I sighed, rubbing my hand over my face. “I really messed up this time, man. I doubt she’ll give me another chance.”

Joshua whistled low. “You’ve convinced her before, bruh. I’m sure you can do it again.”

“I don’t know,” I muttered, finishing the rest of my drink in one swallow and slamming the glass down onto the bar top. “This ain’t just some fight. I betrayed her trust.”

“You in love?” Joshua asked, his tone serious for once.

“Yep. I love her,” I admitted, the weight of it all pressing down on me. Somewhere along the way, Essence had become everything to me. She wasn’t just the mother of my son; she was the woman who’d broken down every wall I’d built. I’d loved her once and threw it away. Now? I’d do anything to get that love back.

Joshua groaned, but there was no humor in his eyes. “Another one bites the dust, huh? So, what you gonna do?”

I signaled for another drink. “I have no idea,” I said, my voice quieter. What I had with Essence was real. It wasn’t something you just walked away from. She was like a diamond—rare, precious, forever. And I’d been a fool to risk losing her.

“But I know one thing,” I added, the weight of my words sinking in. “I’m not leaving Delaware until my ring is back on her finger.”

Chapter 24

After sitting up for most of the night, kicking myself for being so damn stupid, I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. Tossing and turning, I finally managed to pass out around two in the morning. But of course, by seven, my phone started ringing. I ignored it, pulling the pillow over my head, hoping whoever it was would go away. But no, they called right back. Without opening my eyes or moving my head, I stretched an arm out and blindly grabbed the phone.

“Hello?” I mumbled, my voice still thick with sleep.

“Essence, howcouldyou?” Tamara’s voice shrieked through the receiver, cutting through my haze like a knife.

Oh Lord, I moaned internally. Mark must have told my sister about our breakup. Just what I needed first thing in the morning—Tamara, all up in my business.

“I’m grown, Tamara,” I muttered, regretting picking up the phone. “I can do whatever I damn well please.”

“But you’re making a huge mistake!” she practically shouted.

“I’m not marrying Mark,” I whispered, unsure if I was telling it to her or convincing myself.

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