Page 17 of Saving Shepperd

We kissed for a few minutes, and my body grew restless. I wanted to playfully scoop her into my arms and stalk toward the bed. There were a million fantasies playing out in my busy mind until I finally broke our connection.

“Christ, girl,” I rasped with my forehead pressed to hers. “We need to relax for a minute or I’m going to do something stupid again.”

She stared up at me for a long moment while clutching my hands in hers.

“Can we talk about that?” She motioned through the air in a random gesture, and I grinned. I liked that I was becoming familiar with her little quirks, and adding to her verbal dialogue with quick, choppy hand motions was my favorite. “About what happened the other night?”

“I would like that. Want to sit in here or go back out to the living room?”

“Here is fine. I like being in your space. Probably more than I should.”

“I like having you here too,” I replied, hoping it would put her at ease to know the feeling was mutual. “Probably more than I should.”

We sat on the edge of the bed at first, but then I scooted back against the mountain of throw pillows against the headboard. “Will you sit with me here?” I gestured for her to nestle between my legs. My arms encircled her slight frame, and it felt so good…so right to protect her that way.

“How’s that? You comfortable?”

“Mmmm, so comfortable. I could fall asleep right here I think.” She rubbed her nose into my chest like a little kitty, and I smiled.

“I would like that very much,” I said but left out the rest of what I was thinking. How perfect the position would be after fucking her senseless while we enjoyed the afterglow of our passion. It was all right there in the air between us. I couldn’t be the only one feeling the electricity between our bodies, but we needed to have that conversation.

We lay for a few minutes while she gathered her thoughts and finally spoke just as I was going to say something silly to break the tension that was building.

“I’m going to start by apologizing for the other night. Mostly for the way I handled the situation. It was immature of me to just bolt out of here the way I did. I was so worried I’d messed things up between us. Already.”

“Do you prefer to get it all out, and then I comment, or would it be better to go back and forth as you say what you need to say? Because I already want to tell you that you have nothing to apologize for. I felt like maybe I was too pushy that night, and you just weren’t on the same page or ready to be physical.”

She twisted between my thighs to look up at me. “You are one of the most considerate men I’ve ever met. You weren’t pushy at all. And I like this back and forth”—she waved between our chests with a slim hand—“as you described it. Feels more like a conversation and not a presentation.”

“Good. Me too. I just have to remind myself not to bogart the conversation as I tend to do.” I gave her a quick wink so she knew the self-deprecation was lighthearted and not a fishing expedition for her to stroke my ego.

“I’ll keep you in line, don’t worry,” she answered with a playful sparkle in her deep-blue eyes.

“Fair enough.” I smiled and kissed the top of her head.

She took another deep breath, and even if she hadn’t done that again, the stiffness in her frame told me just how uncomfortable she was. Based on her reaction the other night, whatever she was about to share with me wouldn’t be easy.

“Take your time,” I encouraged gently.

“Some…bad stuff happened to me when I was a little girl. Bad, bad stuff.” She shook her head and then rubbed her forehead.

I wanted to smile at the gesture because I did the exact same thing when stressed, but now wasn’t the time to be smiling.

“I don’t want to burden you with the details,” she said, “but let’s just say, it’s made me a little jumpier than some.”

“Thank you for sharing that with me.” I wanted to dive deeper into what happened but knew that was for her to share at her own pace. “Please don’t consider anything you tell me a burden. I feel honored that you confided in me.”

“Law, you have to understand it’s been a while since I’ve met someone that I’ve felt a connection with. Most of the guys I’ve gone out with have been pretty casual hookups—nothing more. I just haven’t felt like they’d understand what having a history like mine can do in here.” She tapped her temple a few times before saying, “Nor would they want to put in the time and effort to work through the damage.” She threw her hands up between us as if to stop me from speaking even though I was in full listener mode.

She went from the defensive posture to cradling her face in her palms in the next second. I just waited for her to work through it all.

“I guess that makes me sound like a slut, that I just hook up with every guy I meet, and that’s not how it’s been. Honestly.”

“I wasn’t thinking anything close to that, darling. Please continue,” I said after taking her hands in mine so she couldn’t hide her beautiful face while we spoke. This raw, honest version was even more breathtaking than her usual mien.

“So, while I don’t have trouble with the straight-up physical part of being with a guy, when my head starts getting involved—that’s when things can go sideways. I feel vulnerable I guess?” She looked at me for understanding, and I nodded that I was following. “That’s when I guess I lose that tight grip I normally have on things. Because my head wants to think more than the normal talk track that reassures me it’s all okay.”

She paused for only a second before adding, “I’m not sure if that even makes sense. The way I’m explaining it. Or trying to explain it, I guess.” She forced a laugh and a smile that stabbed me in the chest.

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