Page 18 of Saving Shepperd

I gave her a little squeeze against my body until she relaxed a bit. If my physical presence could make her feel safe instead of panicked, we’d both be happy campers. I was a touchy person when I had a woman to call my own. Now, I almost held my breath while waiting for her to go on. If she told me she didn’t like being touched outside of the bedroom, it would be a real letdown.

“It makes perfect sense. Are there certain things that trigger panic like the other night? Things that you know? Or does it happen randomly?”

“Definitely certain things set me off all the time. Once and a while, though, something will trigger me that never has before. Those are really hard to recover from, because it’s like, just when I think I have a handle on it all, and that fucker has stolen all he will ever take from me, he wins again.”

“Can I ask, was this person charged or prosecuted? Are you in danger?” I wouldn’t hesitate to fuck someone up who hurt women—and especially little girls. I felt nearly homicidal at the thought of her being abused.

“No,” she said quietly and couldn’t hold my gaze. I’d be damned if she’d be ashamed on top of it all. At least if I could help it. She continued before I could say anything, though. “He was a seasoned predator. He knew just how to threaten me so that I never told anyone. I was terrified he’d hurt my family. And I was a child, so I didn’t understand that he was manipulating me.”

Instinctually, I pulled her into my arms. I wanted to comfort her and erase the pain from the bastard who hurt her. While I cradled her in my lap, I pressed my lips to the side of her head. With my face buried in her silky hair, I quietly said, “I’m so sorry you went through what you did. If I could take it away, I would, baby.”

I could feel her facial expression change beneath my lips. “Thank you. That’s very sweet.” The response seemed so trained that it irritated me rather than comforted me.

Again, though, this wasn’t about me. I had to keep reminding myself of that, and somewhere in the back of my busy mind, another self-observation was filed away. How had I become so selfish?

“Shepperd, look at me. Please.”

It took longer than I would’ve preferred, but she finally turned in my arms to meet my waiting attention.

“Thank you for sharing that with me. I’m serious right now. I’m not trying to placate you or give you some verbal pat on the head and send you on your way. I want to know all there is to know about you. I want to be a person you’re comfortable enough with to share your feelings. All of them.”

I stopped there because I felt precariously close to making an ass out of myself. I didn’t know where all that just came from. I never said stuff like that to a woman. It wasn’t something I was interested in. But things about this girl were burrowing deep into my psyche in ways I hadn’t experienced before. And the craziest part of all of it? I liked it.

ChapterFive

Shepperd

God, I hoped I didn’t just fuck everything up by telling him all that. Not that I even scratched the surface of my issues. But now, Law had this look in his soulful eyes that I couldn’t make sense of. Was that pity? The last thing I wanted was pity. Definitely something was different between us now and I had to think that was reasonable given what I just shared with him. But had it been a mistake?

My first inclination was to bolt. To flee the scene and reassess the situation from a safe space. But I saw where that got me the other night, and I didn’t want to go back there again. I was truly scared I had driven the man away before we had a chance to explore what could grow between us.

“Don’t…” I started to say but pulled myself back immediately when I heard the tone in my voice. “Sorry,” I said much quieter. Much kinder.

“Don’t what?” he asked, thankfully absent of the defensiveness I expected. My own voice would’ve held that inflection if I were in his shoes.

“I’m sorry. That was a knee-jerk response to what I’m seeing here,” I explained, drawing a circle in the air a few inches in front of his face. “I’m trying to get better at not reacting like that. At least with you,” I finished with a shy smile. This gentle openness was harder than the biting, acidic, defensive style I usually communicated with.

“Can I tell you something about my family?” he asked, and I couldn’t make sense of why he asked permission first.

“Ooohhhkaayy…” I drew out with a head tilt, not understanding where we were going with the conversation.

“It will make more sense in a minute,” he explained. “I didn’t want to just blurt out something about me after you shared such personal information. I don’t want it to come across as me minimizing your experiences or that I’m only capable of talking about myself.”

I was definitely picking up a pattern. The man had either been accused of being self-centered and didn’t like it, or he truly recognized a personality flaw and was trying to improve.

With focused sincerity, I said, “In that case, yes, please. I’d love to get to know things about your family and your life.”

“I’m one of ten children. I know I’ve told you that before. My oldest sister, Cecile, was married for a few years and has a little girl. Stella.”

His eyes danced with the kind of love that could make my ovaries swell if I allowed the energy to penetrate my guard. I already knew he adored this child before he said another word. I could feel his emotions in the air around him like warm, rich cake batter. The atmosphere was comforting, safe, and filled with familial loyalty.

“I have a feeling Miss Stella is one spoiled little lady.”

Law’s features quickly changed to abashed. As predicted, my lower abdomen clenched with a hormonal surge. Christ, this guy was dangerous for my carefully controlled existence.

“Guilty. We all are. But she’s an angel. Honestly, I know everyone thinks their kid or relative is the cutest thing ever, but she really is. She has this mop of bright-red hair and little chubby cheeks you just want to take a bite of. My brother Jake has a daughter the same age, but that’s a story for another day. We’re all still getting to know her.”

“Do you have pictures?” I asked, sitting forward a bit, but he quickly closed his arms tighter around my waist.

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