Page 77 of Drowning Erin

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Erin

Present

My late-night discussionwith Brendan stays with me. If I have a hand in what’s gone wrong, perhaps the solution isn’t to keep doing it. Perhaps the solution is to take my hand out. But can I? Can I really not answer my mother’s calls? Can I really not bail Sean out the next time he’s struggling? I sort of doubtit.

I call Sean for the first time in nearly two weeks, and the moment he answers, I know something is wrong—first and foremost because he doesn’t sound happy to hear from me. This is always a bad omen with Sean. Second, because he volunteers no information, another badsign.

"You sound distracted,” I say. “Are you in the middle ofsomething?"

"Uh, no. Juststudying."

Something feels off about the conversation. I couldn't begin to pinpoint what it is, but I know when Sean is lying, and he’s definitely lying rightnow.

I ask how classes are going, and in the lag between my question and his answer, my stomach slides to my feet. Sean only needs a few credits to graduate, but I've already paid tuition for the counseling program he'll start in September, so we're on a fairly rigid timeline. I wonder if he’s already flushed my life savings down the toiletsomehow.

"Oh," he finally says. "Yeah. They'regood."

"What are you taking again?" I ask, though I know exactly what he’s taking. I filled out his registration form myself when he missed the summerdeadline.

"Hey, I've got to run," he says. "Can I call youback?"

There’s nothing I can do but agree, knowing he won't call back. Knowing something's gone wrong, and he's going to avoid me until he's fixed it. Or made things worse trying. I don’t want to keep feeling this way, but I don’t see how I could possibly abandon himeither.

* * *

Just after lunch,Timothy returns from a meeting with a slam of the office door that rattles the file drawers of mydesk.

“Erin,” he says. “My office.Now.”

When I walk in, he is crumpling up one of the new campaign brochures, and then he swivels in his seat and throws it at me. I watch in shock as it bounces off my arm and hits thefloor.

“The chancellor’s notes are on there,” he sneers. “Did you really think you’d get away with going aboveme?”

I stare from him to the paper on thefloor.

“Pick it up. Fix it. And don’t let me see your face until it’sdone.”

I’m so shocked that I feel blank—not worried, not scared, not even angry. But I know I’m completely over this situation. “No,” I reply quietly. “You don’t get to treat me like this. You don’t get to treat anyone like this.” I return to my cubicle, determined to do what I should have done longago.

I grab my purse and walk across campus to Human Resources, and as I go my shock finally gives way to rage. I’m ready to report him for this and a hundred other things he’s done. The late nights, the disrespect, the threats. The list grows in my head as I walk, and comes to a screeching halt when I reach their office and find it closed. A note on the door informs me they’re away for a team-building retreat and will return after theweekend.

I’m left with a whole lot of anger and no outlet for it. Fifteen minutes later I find myself in Brendan’s apartment, ranting, and it’s not until my whole story has spun out that it occurs to me that showing up here unannounced is a girlfriendish thing to do, the kind of thing I’d expect him to hate. Fortunately, he’s so pissed off on my behalf that he doesn’t seem to notice. “I have an easier way to deal with this than going to HR,” he says, curling afist.

“You and Olivia. She suggested I build a car bomb the last time he botheredme.”

“I promise I won’t use a weapon,” hesays.

“Brendan, this isn’t the Wild West. Physical violence solvesnothing.”

“You know who says that? People who know they can’t win a fight. I don’t have thatproblem.”

I smile. He is ridiculous but also sweet. I shouldn’t, but I like his outdated chivalry. “I amforbiddingyou to beat him up,Brendan.”

“Fine,” he says. “My tours are done, and we both have an afternoon free for once, so we might as well make the most ofit.”

“Should I get undressed?” I ask with asmirk.

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