Page 84 of Waking Olivia

This can’t be happening.But it really is. I’ve never wanted anything so much in my life and it’s too much to take in, to memorize. His soft mouth and the rasp of unshaven skin and his smell and his warmth. It’s too much, too good, and yet not close to being enough.

There is no uncertainty, no hesitation. There’s something urgent, almost desperate in it, and I am senseless to everything except for him. His mouth, his tongue, the rasp of his breath, his hands beneath my dress, sliding along my thighs.

He pushes away from me suddenly, looking stunned. “Oh God,” he breathes. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because I’m your coach. I can’t …” He trails off, shaking his head, backing away from me with a look of horror on his face. “Ican’t.”

He turns, disappearing from view as quickly as he appeared, leaving me so angry and sad and turned on all at the same time that I have no idea how to react.

I walk back into the stables. Brendan takes one look at me and grins, still rubbing his jaw. “Told ya.”

57

Will

What the fuckam I doing? I just punched my brother and kissed the girl Icoach, all while my boss waits inside the house. And in spite of this I just want to do both things again.

Our first kiss, the night she was asleep, felt like I was merely going along with something I shouldn’t. But this time, I demanded it and it was as if the part of me that’s shown any restraint whatsoever these past few months had walked straight out the door. I didn’t care that it was wrong in a thousand ways and couldn’t go anywhere or mean anything, that it would only create more problems to be solved and more memories to be forgotten. I just didn’t care. I wanted her and for a second, before I finally came to my senses, I planned to have her, right there against the back wall of the stables with my brother a few feet away.

I must have been out of my damned mind.

I return to the house and sit at the table, not even trying to disguise what I feel. It’s pointless anyway.

“I guess things didn’t go well with Jessica,” my mother says, looking at my face.

“No, not really,” I sigh.

Brendan and Olivia walk in a few minutes later. I should be worried about what they’ll say, or about how mad my mom’s going to be when she hears I punched Brendan, but honestly all I can do is look at Olivia. With her hair messed up and her lips kiss-swollen she only looks more beautiful to me. I can’t believe that I did what I did. And I also can’t believe I stopped.

“My God, Brendan! What happened to your face?” my mother cries.

He grins, taking a quick look at me. “Got hit by a falling rake. It’s cool. I should probably be more careful with shit that’s not mine.”

Olivia doesn’t meet my eye once, and I wonder what that means. Maybe she’s mad at me for walking off the way I did. Or maybe she’s mad at me for kissing her in the first place, though I find that difficult to believe. When I remember the way her whole body arched into me, her sharp inhale as my mouth moved to her neck, I know it was mutual. Just thinking about it has me hard again.

She and my mother serve the pie, and surprisingly, we manage to get through dessert without me assaulting anyone or violating NCAA regulations.

“I’m going to head home,” I announce once we’ve finished cleaning up, giving my mom and Olivia a quick glance to silence any objections.

Peter and I walk out to our cars at the same time. “Will—” he begins, and then he trails off. Finally, he shakes his head and settles a hand on my shoulder. “You’ve grown into a fine man. I know I can trust you.”

Now I feel like an asshole in pretty much every way possible.

58

Olivia

He kissed me.

He kissed me like it was something he couldn’t live without. As if he was suffocating and I was oxygen.

He kissed me as if I wasn’t optional. Made me forget everything that had happened and everything that stood before us and between us.

And then he ran, and I haven’t seen his cowardly ass since.

He started this. And now he’s avoiding me. Probably worried he’s going to have to sit me down and explain how sorry he is and how it can’t happen like I’m some pathetic girl with a crush.

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