Page 85 of Waking Olivia

I don’t plan to give him the chance.

When he still hasn’t appeared by lunchtime, I ask Dorothy to take me home. “But why?” she asks. “I thought you’d stay for the whole weekend.”

“I probably ought to study,” I mumble.

“Didn’t you bring your books here? Please, at least stay today,” she begs. “I’m making that chicken you like, and one of the kids from next door wants to go riding. I was hoping you could take her out.” Holy shit. She’s as good at begging as Brendan. I wonder if Will possesses even a quarter of their ability, and if so, what he begs for.

Bad Olivia. Not helpful when you’re trying to stay mad at him.

I clean the stables, rake the side yard, give the riding lesson and let Dorothy teach me how to make pie. I may be stuck here, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna be sitting long-faced inside the house when Will returns.

Again and again, though, I run my fingers over my mouth in wonder. He kissed me. And it was so unbelievably good, so perfect, that I don’t see how I’m going to go through my whole life without feeling it again.

59

Will

Yes, I’m avoiding her. It doesn’t feel like I have a choice. Right now some gate I’ve had shut tight, on lockdown, is swinging wide open just waiting for her to walk through, which means that I should be berating myself. But instead, all I can think about is the feel of her, the small hum in her throat as she responded, and that makes me recall just how much further I wanted to take things yesterday.

The mechanic arrives to fix the combine. The whole ride out to the field he’s telling me some story about a seed separator. The only thing that could conceivably make this story interesting would be if flesh-eating zombies emerged from the seed separator and went on a rampage, but today I’m not even sure I’d listen to that.

I’m avoiding Olivia because I’m weak. Because the worst part of me wants her to be the one to pursue it, to not take no for an answer and somehow make me guiltless. Which is impossible because unless she tied me down—which is a possibility I’mdefinitelygoing to imagine later—it’s entirely on me. And I can’t do that to her, or to Peter.

But it doesn’t stop me from imagining it all day. Or from missing her, and hating the fact that she’s here and I’m not with her. My mom takes the golf cart out later and brings me lunch. “Looked like you were never planning to come back in,” she says.

I shrug. “Lots out here to get done.”

“There’s almost nothing to be done out here that can’t wait,” she replies. “So why don’t you tell me why you punched your brother and are spending the day out here hiding?”

I should have known she’d never fall for Brendan’s ‘I got hit by a rake’ story. “He kissed Olivia,” I tell her. “He said he was just trying to cover for me with Jessica, but he didn’t have to take it that goddamn far.”

“Will,” she sighs. “You’re so in love with that girl you can’t see straight. Something has to change or this is going to turn ugly fast.”

“What can I possibly change, Mom? I can’t quit. We can’t afford it. I could probably get her a scholarship with another school. Now that she’s winning, I could probably get her in a D1 school, but I’m not uprooting her like that when she only has three semesters left. Plus, I can’t even imagine what it would be like knowing she’s off in some new city and there’s no one to stop her—”

“I know, I can’t imagine that either. So we need to look at other possibilities. What if Peter tried to find you a position somewhere else at the school?”

“I still wouldn’t be allowed to date her. And then who’s going to help her during the away meets? Who’s going to talk her off a ledge just before the race starts? It’s all pointless anyway. She’s leaving here after graduation and I’m not.”

She cocks her head to the side and sucks in a cheek. “I wouldn’t give up on everything just yet,” she says softly. “These things have a way of working out when they need to.”

“Nothing’s worked out for me in a long time, Mom. And I don’t see a lot of point in hoping that’s going to magically change.”

“Well, we’ll worry about that later. In the meantime, come back and take that girl climbing. She’s working herself to the bone trying to keep busy and the last thing she needs is more work.”

“I figured she was busy being entertained byBrendan,” I say snidely.

“Your brother loves you,” she replies. “I know he’s got a strange way of showing it, but I think he’s trying to help.”

Olivia is pissed. She doesn’t even look at me as I approach, and I can tell by the rigidity of her stance that it’s intentional. She has her guard up again, the way she did when she first arrived, as if she expects to be hurt. I hate that, but I can’t exactly fix it either.

“Let’s go climbing,” I say. She wants to stay mad, but she wants to climb more. I can see it in her face as she reluctantly agrees.

We don’t say much on the drive. Maybe she’s waiting for me to begin, to explain. Or maybe the truth is so obvious that neither of us feels the need to address it.

As we turn left on the highway, she looks toward me. “This isn’t the direction we normally go.”

“Yeah, I figure you’re ready for a bigger climb.”

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