Page 84 of Desolation

He cuts me off as his tongue invades my mouth. I want to tell him that he didn’t use any protection but this kiss feels too good, too right.

“Mar,” he groans as his dick comes back to life inside of me.

He thrusts slightly and I let him. I give in to the feeling again as he rides me until we are both spent.

He finally pulls out of me, collapsing in a heap beside me. I go to speak but his soft snores keep my mouth shut.

I lie awake for hours before I finally succumb to sleep.

* * *

I wake to an empty bed.

I can still feel him between my legs.

But I frown when I realize he isn’t here.

I roll out of bed, wrapping a throw blanket around me, and walk to the living room. I find him staring out the window of his balcony. The sun is just beginning to rise.

“I’m sorry,” he says. He must feel my presence as I am still ten feet away from him. “I got carried away.”

He turns toward me and my heart breaks over the look on his face. It’s full of regret and despair. A desolation I feel in myself on the worst days.

“I can leave,” I whisper across the space between us.

“Don’t.”

My chest aches as I look at him. But I can’t find any words to say.

I turn to go when he finally speaks. “I killed my best friend.”

I freeze at his words.

“It should have been me. I should have been the one that died but instead it was him.”

I turn toward him and see anger across his broken face. I sweep across the room and cup his face, searching his eyes for answers. “Never say that, Landon.”

He pushes me off him. “It’s true. I should have had his six. But I was distracted.”

“You were in the field. Distractions happen. Accidents happen.”

He shakes his head, his hands scrubbing his face. “Not on my watch.”

“Landon, you can’t blame yourself.”

“You have no idea what happened!” he yells as he swipes his fist across the lamp on the side table, shattering it across the floor.

I step back from his violence. Completely unfamiliar with the man in front of me. I go to leave, knowing I will never get through to him but I notice a tear on his face. I know that this is eating away at him and if he keeps letting it, it will destroy him.

I walk over to him, avoiding the broken ceramic on the floor. I place my hand on his arm gently and can feel the tension radiating off him. “Tell me.”

He looks down at where my hand rests on his arm before his eyes meet mine. The utter despair in them has me gasping for breath. “Please,” I whisper.

His hand cups my face. “Why do you care?”

I swallow as my hand makes its way up to his bare chest. “Despite the fact this is supposed to be casual, I feel a connection, Landon. I know you feel it too. Our lonely hearts are magnets for each other. No matter how much we try to stay apart, we will always end up right back here. Together.”

My hand rests against his chest, hovering over his heart. “And I feel this. I know you don’t think anything beats there anymore. I can tell by how you push me away. How you keep the walls of your fortress so guarded not even a bomb could take them down. But I feel your heartbeat through those walls. I feel it wanting to escape. I feel it wanting to finally let go.”

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