Page 83 of Desolation

I don’t know how long we sit there and I don’t ask questions. I can tell that he is going through something that has ripped him apart. I’m guessing it has to do with Sam, although I still don’t know who that is. Is that his brother? Did he lose him? Or maybe a friend from his childhood? Maybe the Navy? I don’t know anything about his time as a SEAL. I don’t even know why he left.

And maybe I don’t need to know. I agreed to sex. Not to the emotional connection. And anytime I try to ask questions he pulls away. I am new to this situation. My whole life I’ve been in a relationship. Ever since I learned about sex. I was thirteen years old when I had my first boyfriend. Sixteen when I lost my virginity. When I went to college, I had a boyfriend for over two years before I met Michael. And when Michael and I started dating, I knew he was the one. So it’s hard for me to understand casual. I have to fight myself not to ask questions. And I know from the few times I have, it's not what he wants.

So I do what I am good at. As a friend, a mom, and a wife. I sit here and let him feel. Even if he doesn’t want me here. I know he needs me.

Eventually his cries stop and his tears dry. His hand lets go of mine and he buries both his hands in his short dark hair.

The sun is nearly set when he talks. “I don’t talk about it.”

“I know.” It’s the truth. I’ve known he has something buried deep inside him that’s been destroying him, eating away at him. I see the darkness in his eyes. I can tell by the way he pushes me away.

He stands and sticks his hand out. “Let’s go.”

I don’t say a word. Just take his hand and let him walk me back to the boardwalk. I let him know I drove here and we both get in my car without a word.

I sneak glances at him as we walk the stairs to his floor. I can feel the turmoil brewing on him. The air is thick with tension.

When he unlocks his door, I expect him to tell me to leave but he doesn’t. He pulls me inside hard, I nearly trip over the door frame.

His lips are on mine before I even have a chance to breathe.

His kisses are demanding and intense. His hands rough as he grabs at my body.

I let him use me.

I don’t tell him to stop.

Maybe I am a fool. But I can let him have my body the way he needs.

He rips my clothes off.

His teeth leave a trail of marks along my neck and collarbone.

I grip his biceps as he works my body the way he wants.

He pulls me to his bedroom, tossing me to his bed.

I think he might stop but he pulls his shirt over his head. Pushes his basketball shorts down.

He’s on top of me before I can take in his perfect body.

Before I can say a word, he’s pushing himself inside of me. It’s rough and unexpected. But my body opens to him freely. Letting him take me in any way he wants.

My orgasm hits me out of nowhere. I’m surprised by the intensity of it with so little foreplay.

He grips my hips and pulls me hard onto him. He’s never been this deep and I can feel every inch of him as he lets his emotions go into my body.

My eyes are pinched shut so I feel the tears before I see them. They hit my chest and stomach as he grinds into me.

I open my eyes and press my palm to his cheek. His eyes fly open at my touch. The connection we had before is nothing compared to this as I watch him fall apart.

He collapses on top of me. His face resting in my neck as I feel the final pulses of him in my body. His lips press against my throat before making their way up to mine.

“Landon,” I whisper into his lips.

He groans into my mouth, sucking hard on my lip.

“We didn’t—”

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