Page 64 of Desolation

His hand runs down the side of my body, over the curve of my hip until he is grabbing my ass and pulling me into him.

When his lips leave mine, I am at a loss for words.

He stares at me and I stare back, searching his eyes and finding so many things in them we don’t need words to say.

* * *

I wake up just before dawn. The smallest bit of orange light crests the horizon as I look out the floor to ceiling windows that overlook the ocean.

I half expected Landon to be gone but the heat of a man’s body is pressed into my back, his arm wrapped around my waist just under my breasts. He doesn’t seem like the kind of man to stick around after sex. Yet, he’s still here.

My cheeks flush as I think about last night. The heat and intensity of the moment. I’ve never had sex like that in my life. And I am craving more.

But my mind starts to wander. And all the shit that is going on didn’t disappear from one good fuck session. I am still lying to Landon. I need to talk to Dax. I need to figure out what the hell is going on with my life.

I am about to get out of bed when Landon whispers into my hair. “Sunrise is my favorite time of day.”

I turn over in his arms and look into his eyes. A sadness I’ve never seen before resides in them and I worry he regrets last night.

He presses a gentle kiss to my forehead and I close my eyes. “Why’s that?” I ask.

He sighs. “It means I made it to another day.”

My heart breaks at his words. I still have no idea what happened to him. What has scarred this man’s soul? I know he lost a friend but he hasn’t divulged any other information.

“What happened to you?”

His eyes shift to the window before he closes them on a sigh. “You don’t want to hear about it.”

I study his face, my fingers tracing over the scar on his forehead above his left eyebrow. My hands run over his biceps, across his chest, and down to his ribs. I trace the skeleton frog that’s tattooed there and it sends a chill over his body. His hand grips mine and moves it away from the tattoo. Like that’s where his pain lives and he doesn’t want me to touch it.

“Don’t.”

I can see the pain in his face. It doesn’t take me long to realize that whoever he lost when he was a SEAL, the one he got a tattoo for, he takes the blame for. “You blame yourself.”

His eyes are still closed but his brow pinches tight. His arm wrapped around me grips me tighter. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

I press my hands to his cheeks and kiss him softly. I have a feeling he never talks about it. That’s the reason he seems so broken when he lets those parts show. So I decide to let him in more. Maybe if I let him in, he will let me in.

“I didn’t lie to you when I said I wanted to be a marine biologist.” I pause while I gather the courage to tell him about my past. Things I didn’t even tell my husband until he ran for office and truths came out. One of the reasons I was pushed into a corner, made into a Stepford wife.

“I was such a nerd. I wore these huge glasses and had buck teeth. My hair was wild and curly. While my cousins spent their time hanging out in the neighborhood getting into trouble, I was at home with my nose in a book.”

I feel his hold on me loosen and I know this is helping him relax.

“I would read any book I could find about the ocean. It could have been about sharks, coral reefs, or wave patterns. I was fascinated by it. I couldn’t believe that scientists knew so little about the ocean yet it seemed like there was so much information out there I couldn’t learn it all.

“My dad got me a membership to the aquarium. I would go almost every weekend during the school year. It was my sanctuary. I felt safe there. At peace. Unlike the violence that happened in my neighborhood or the fighting that was always happening between my parents.”

“Why did you go to Harvard? Why not go somewhere for marine biology?” he asks quietly.

“How did you know I went to Harvard?”

He looks at me. “Dax told me when I asked.”

“Oh.”

He brushes a piece of my bleached hair behind my ear. “I’m upset with all the lies, Mar. But I feel better with every truth.”

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