Page 51 of Desolation

“Yeah right. I bet you pay for a lot of accounts. Just love looking at hot, sexy, naked men. I’ve caught you looking at this body too many times to count.”

I stare at him as he talks, a slight uplift to his mouth, a cocky grin I’m starting to really like. “Eww, wait. Are you telling me guys can post naked pictures of themselves and people pay to look at them?”

He chuckles. “I forgot you were old.”

I smack his arm. “I am not that old.”

He leans forward and presses a soft kiss to my lips. “I’m kidding. You’re not old, princess.”

I push him away and take a huge bite of my sandwich. “So do you really have one of those accounts?”

He throws his head back and laughs that deep throaty laugh I’ve only heard a few times but love.

“No way. I might take care of my body but the only ones that get to seeallof it, are the ones I choose. And trust me there is a lot you haven’t seen.”

He winks at me and I shake my head as I go back to my dinner. We finish eating in silence. He grabs our plates and throws them in the dishwasher when we are finished.

I get up and head over to his balcony windows, watching the storm outside downpour on the city. He has a great view of the ocean even if we aren’t right on the water like Dax. An incredible display of lightning plays out and I’m mesmerized by the flashes of light. The sky lighting up in different hues of blue with every exaggerated bolt across the sky.

I jump when I feel Landon’s hands wrap around me, one again gliding under my hoodie and caressing my bare skin. I’m beginning to think it’s what he always does, like he needs to feel as close to me as possible, the barrier of clothing too much to bear.

His head rests on my shoulder, his breath warm against my neck. “What are you thinking about?” he asks.

I stare out into the ocean, wondering if I should tell him. If I can let my guard down a bit to let him in. He doesn’t need to know exact details but I could give him just enough that I don’t have to lie.

But as I think about my kids and my husband and all the shit that’s bearing down on my soul, I freeze.

He must feel the tension in my body because he forces me to turn around, breaking my stare from the storm outside so that I need to face the one inside me. “Talk to me.”

I take a deep sigh and rest my forehead against his hard chest. What am I supposed to tell him? That I am married? Trying to get a divorce? That I think my husband is blackmailing me into not going through with it?

No. I can’t tell him that. I can’t let my guard down. I need to keep these burdens to myself.

Landon’s rough fingers gently grab my chin, pulling it up so our eyes can meet. “Stop holding back, Mari. Let me in,” he whispers.

I fight back the tears. I don’t want to expose my weaknesses. But this man is fighting to break down my walls. Maybe it’s because I haven’t felt this way in a long time, the need I feel for him, not just sexually but emotionally.

I stand on my toes so my lips reach his. It’s a cop-out but I know I can’t let him get caught up in my own desolation.

His lips are soft as I press mine into his. Not the usual aggression I am used to, the need to be as close together as possible. But I keep going, hoping this will distract him from the conversation.

His hands slide higher up my back, his thumb reaching to my front, caressing my bare breasts, sending a chill through my body. I open my mouth and let his tongue slide in. This kiss is soft, not urgent and right now I need the urgent. I need to get lost in his touch instead of my mind.

I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him hard against me. He groans as I lift a leg and wrap it around his thigh pulling him closer to me. I speed up the kiss, pushing and pulling on his mouth, attempting to bring back the fire and desire from earlier but he pulls away, pushing my hips back from his as my leg falls to the ground.

His lips fall from mine and he leans his forehead against me. “What are you running from, Marianne?”

My fake name on his lips breaks me and I finally let the tears fall. His hands grab my face, wiping the tears from my eyes. But the gentle gesture makes them fall even harder, my body caving in as I let my pain attack my entire body.

Landon scoops me up and walks over to his couch, holding me in his lap, rubbing his hands up and down my back as I ugly cry into his shirt.

I realize this is the first time I have let myself cry since my world came crashing down. The first time in six months I have let myself let go instead of covering it up, burying my pain inside of me.

I never wanted to be the woman that got a divorce. I wanted the happily ever after. I wanted one love for the rest of my life. But those things are fairy tales, falsities. They don’t exist in the real world. I chose someone who I should have known would never stay loyal. I knew before we were married that his father and brothers never were. I knew they cheated repeatedly on their wives and significant others. I don’t know why I thought Michael would be different.

Landon presses a soft kiss to my head and I finally pull away to look at him. Concern floods his features and I know I can trust him. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because he said his head was fucked up, maybe he understands what I am going through.

“What’s wrong?”

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