Page 52 of Desolation

I sniffle as I wipe my eyes. His hand comes to my chin, gently stroking my cheek. “I—I’m…” I close my eyes before I let the words out. “I’m married,” I whisper.

Landon stiffens underneath me, his hands falling away from my face. My eyes are still closed but I know there is a look of disgust on his face as he tries to back away from me as much as he can in the position we are in on the couch.

“I… I mean—”

“What the fuck?” he shouts as he pushes me away. My eyes snap open as he gets up from the couch. “Is this why you were so hesitant? Why you kept pushing me away? Fuck,” he yells as his hands grip his hair.

“I—I wanted to tell you. And it’s not like it seems,” I manage to get out.

“Get out!” he shouts as he points toward the door.

A tear slides down my face as I stand. But I don’t walk to the door. I reach for him. “Landon, it’s not what you think.”

He looks up to the ceiling and takes a deep breath as he steps away from me. “Marriage is pretty black and white.”

“I’m in the middle of a divorce,” I say softly. My mind a mess that I don’t even think before I say the next part. “My husband might be blackmailing me to stay married.”

“He what?”

I look over at Landon, who is staring at me. “It’s a long story. I don’t even know why he’s doing it. Or if he really is. Maybe because he wants custody of the kids.” I leave out the part about the reason he doesn’t want a divorce is so it won't harm his image when it comes to his presidential campaign. As far as Landon knows I still live in Chicago. He doesn’t need to know the details and intricacies of my life as a senator’s wife.

“You have kids?”

I nod.

“You never thought to tell me that?”

“I didn’t want to complicate things.”

“You being married is a pretty important complication that I should have known about.”

“Why do you think I ran away?” I shout. “Why do you think I have been battling these feelings for you for so long. Fighting against you. Trying to keep my distance. My life is a fucking shitshow. It’s falling apart. Everything I wanted is slipping through the cracks. I’m breaking more and more with every day that passes. And then you walk into my life and it’s like I can see a light. But I can’t go for it. I can’t reach for something I can’t have.”

Landon steps into me and wraps his arms around me. I jump in surprise because I was sure he wanted to kick me out. “Mari… I don’t even know what to say.”

I look up into his eyes and see the concern flash through them. “You can tell me to leave.”

His lips find my forehead. “I can’t tell you that,” he sighs. “God, I am sorry I reacted the way I did. But I didn’t want to be that guy. The other man.”

I nod. “I know the feeling. That’s what I feel like to my husband.”

“What do you mean?”

I half laugh, like there is no way what I am saying could be true. “I could write a book on the amount of times he’s cheated on me.”

“Asshole,” Landon mutters against my head. “Is that why you are divorcing him?”

I nod. “That wasn’t the life I signed up for.”

“You wanted the happily ever after?”

I pull away from him so I can look him in the eyes. “I was foolish to think it could happen.”

“I saw it once.” Pain flashes in his eyes and I wonder if he had it. “But things don’t always work out the way they should.”

“Did you lose yours?”

He shakes his head. “I would never even give myself the chance to have one. The way I grew up I knew they didn’t exist. But then my best friend had it. Sam and Aubrey were so happy. It was a fucking fairy tale. Until it wasn’t.”

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