A tear fell down my cheek and I brushed it away.Fuck. I didn’t want to cry. I swore I wouldn’t lose another tear because of her and here I was, crying again.
I curled my fist and felt my nails prick into my flesh. The pain was a welcome distraction from my emotions.
“I don’t think I can do this anymore. I should just go home.”
“If your mother wasn’t here, would you want to come to this event?”
“Yes, of course. I miss my family. I’d love to know what my cousins have been up to. See my little sister again.”
“All right. You are going to take all the time you need to get yourself right and then I’m going to hold your hand as you march in there with your head held high because you did nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. She hurt you. She pushed you away. And even if you were a bratty teenager, she was your mother and should have protected you. Made you feel safe. That’s on her, not you.”
Jager brushed his thumb across my cheek, leaving a trail of washed-up tears.
“I must be such a mess.”
“You’re not. You’re perfect.”
I rolled my eyes and pulled down the sun visor to look in the mirror. My eyes were a little red and slightly swollen, but my makeup wasn’t smudged. I closed my eyes again and inhaled deeply.
Jager interlaced his fingers with mine and I breathed in three more fortifying breaths. “Okay. I’m ready.”
“Wait here.” He climbed out of the car and walked over to open my door. Then he lent me his arm. “You’re not taking one step without me by your side. You got that? You’re not alone, B. I’m right here beside you.”
His support nearly did me in, but I nodded and took the arm he offered. I leaned into him and felt a sense of togetherness with someone I hadn’t felt, well, since he’d left me.
As soon as we walked through the banquet hall doors, the loud chatter of voices and laughter echoed throughout the foyer. We checked our coats and when I shivered, Jager pulled me into his side. His fingers rested on my hip as we walked toward the receiving line.
My anxiety melted slowly as I saw my cousin’s beaming face. She looked like an angel in her white gown and veil. Her husband’s face glimmered with sweat and joy under the bright lights and the rush of people greeting them. She spotted me justas I was about to shake her hand. “Congratulations, Amy. I’m so happy for you both,” I said.
“Bianca!” My cousin pulled me in for a hug and squeezed. “I’m so happy you came.” Then lower, “I’ve missed you.”
Emotion clogged my throat, but I pushed through. “I’ve missed you, too.”
Her eyes moved toward Jager and his proximity to me. “Who’s this?” she asked.
“Jager, this is my cousin, Amy. Amy, this is my friend, Jager.”
“Friend?” asked Amy, raising an eyebrow.
I was about to answer “Yes,” when Jager replied, “Good friend. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Amy. And congratulations.”
“Thank you.” She smiled and nodded knowingly at me before the next guest took her hand and congratulated her.
Good friend. I didn’t know how much to read into that. We had a history, so we were more than just friends, but did that make us good friends? I wouldn’t have said so a few months ago, but tonight, mmm…well, tonight felt like a fresh start.
As Jager led me into the dining room, I kept my gaze from landing on anyone in particular, and especially forced myself not to look for her. My heart sped up, but Jager held my hand as we walked toward our table.
My brother and Lizzie were already seated; my brother had a full plate of food in front of him. He stared at our hands as we approached. The creases on his forehead deepened until instinctively, I unclasped Jager’s hand.
“I see you found the antipasto bar,” I said when I sat down in front of him and Lizzie. Jager pushed my chair closer to the table, and I thanked him over my shoulder. River glared at him.
After a few minutes of small talk, River looked over my shoulder. “Hey, Bianca. You should know something.”
“What?” I asked, resting my chin on my folded hands.
“Mom and Lisa are at our table.”
“What?” I couldn’t believe Amy would put us at the same table. The whole family knew we weren’t speaking to each other.