Page 74 of Feint

I did love Kordell. He had done so much for me. And he had so many qualities I loved about him. He might come off sarcastic to some people, but to me, he was usually sweet, outside of lately, but that had probably just been all the stress about the promotion he was trying to get. And, sure, maybe he was overlyconfident, bordering on the edge of cocky sometimes, but what guy wasn’t?

When it was the two of us cruising on his bike, it felt like we were the only two people in the world as it flew by around us. I was making the decision tonight. I was going to do everything I could each and every day to try and love Kordell. Until I believed it everywhere in my soul, I would tell myself over and over, saying it out loud. I love you.I love you. I love you.If that was what it took to move on.

He smiled at me and leaned over from his seat at the table and kissed my lips. “Love you too, mama. Keep acting cute, and I’ll have to do something about it.” He smirked and did a little head nod, his eyes narrowing playfully as he bit his lower lip. Then, he noticed my body language and that my eyes were starting to fill with tears. “Hey, what are you crying for?”

My lower lip quivered as he looked at me. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to share tonight so I went with the easy thing. “I’m just scared.” I was. Everything that had happened was weighing on me, and I hadn’t talked about any of it.

“Scared of what?” Kordell stood up and moved my chair from the table, kneeling down on his good leg in front of me. “What’s up with you?”

I looked into his eyes, which showed concern, but his gaze remained steady.

I took a shaky breath. “I’m scared to still be with you. Because what if being with you puts me in danger like that again?”

My heart was pounding so loudly that it felt like everyone in a two-mile radius could hear. I kept looking into Kordell’s eyes. They got hard for a moment, but then they eased back into a normal stare. Was he going to tell me I was being stupid? To get over it?

“Little mama, I ain’t going to let anything like that happen again to you. Shit, I just put my life on the line to keep you safe. You think I’d ever let someone else get close enough to hurt you like that again?”

His hand stroked up my thigh, the warmth flooding my skin, and while I knew it was supposed to be a gesture that calmed me, it really didn’t do much.

“And w-what if someone tries to… tries to… k… ki…” I couldn’t finish it. But Kordell nodded at me in understanding.

“Tries to kill me again?” he finished my sentence for me.

I nodded. I placed my hand over his, and he stopped rubbing my thigh and turned his hand over, lacing his fingers in between mine instead.

I sniffed so my nose wouldn’t drip and kept going as I felt another tear slip down the side of my face. “It’s not just that… I thought I was going to die there and never get to see my family again. I don’t want that to happen anymore. I’m not supposed to be in danger like that just for dating someone.”

Mom’s words about what AJ had wanted for my next boyfriend hung heavy on my mind.

Kordell reached up with his free hand and gripped my chin, stroking it with his thumb. “Rosalie, look at me. I’m not going to die. And no one else will ever touch you again. I’ll make damn sure of it. Damien already reached out to and handled things with the Suns. They promised they wouldn’t come near you, all right? Trust me, mama, keeping you safe is my biggest priority. Well, safe and well fucked.” He smirked at his joke before leaning up and kissing me softly. “But do you get it? No one’s gonna hurt you while I’m breathing.”

I searched his face and saw he was serious when he said that. It still didn’t ease my worry. Because one of the big things from talking to Mom that kept bouncing around in my head was the fact that AJ had only left to keep me safe. But then I went andstarted dating someone in an even more dangerous world than AJ’s ever was. Like, sure, I had gotten beat up that one time white dating AJ, but I hadn't been abducted and almost…

I shuddered at the thought of what almost happened the day of the big shoot-out.

Kordell stood up and pulled me up with him. “Hey, stop thinking whatever bad thoughts are running through your head right now. Just relax. Everything is fine. Stop focusing on the bad, mama, and think about all the good that’s going to happen.” He pulled me in and hugged me tight, then walked away and sat back down.

I watched as he started to finish his food, and I nodded slowly. “Y-yeah… you’re right. I’m sorry.” I picked at my plate again, and I managed to get a little more down than I had before we talked. And even though Kordell had said all the things I’d thought I wanted to hear, I still couldn’t shake all of my uneasiness.

Maybe that would go away with time. I really wasn't sure.

All I could do was hope.

CHAPTER 30

ROSALIE

Being home alonewith nothing to do gave me this overwhelming feeling of uneasiness during the day. I had already watched my favorite movie series for the second time, cleaned the house top to bottom, and tidied up my garage. But I couldn’t shake the feeling I was being watched at home. And anytime I heard a loud bike drive by the house, my entire body tensed. So, I went from staying in the house to spending as much time as I could at the custom shop as soon as Dad let me come back to work.

Nothing had changed here, and it helped me feel so at peace. Dad and Reece were busy as heck with new customers pouring in by the day. The classic rap songs playing on the radio, the sounds of cars being worked on and the air compressor firing up, the smells of new car parts, exhaust and paint fumes mixing into the perfect aroma—everything made me feel like none of that stuff had happened, except my mind wasn't as focused as usual.

This was the twelfth time I’d tried to pinstripe this side of this car, and I had messed up again! I wiped away the parts that had been smudged, and I gathered all of my tools, stopping at the door to look back at the lowrider one last time before angrily flicking the light off.

I marched into the paint supply room, and dropped my brushes into the sink in frustration. Nothing had been coming out the way it was in my head lately! I turned and stomped over to the cabinet with the cleaning supplies in it, grabbing a tub of mineral spirits. I yanked the cap off and poured some into a small bucket in the sink, cursing under my breath as a little splashed out.

“Dammit! This is so stupid!” I said, exasperation pulling at my nerves.

Nothing that had happened to me in the past ever impacted my workflow before. But it was like all of my creativity and skills had been left in the desert that day.

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