Page 47 of All Our Ghosts

“It’s just–” I suck in a breath as the pad of his thumb wipes away the tears escaping my eyes, “it’s been a long time since someone has made me feel the way you have. Touched me and meant it to feel good.”

His brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

I stare up at him, eyes glassy and tired. This is not how I want to tell him and a part of me doesn’t know if I actually can. It all seems too much and I don’t want to be this broken toy that he would inevitably try to put back together.

“My last relationship wasn’t the best,” I admit, “he took what he wanted and that was that.”

Holden stares back, his tongue flicking over his bottom lip as if an angry cat’s tail. “He’s a fucking idiot then.”

I’m not sure what I’m expecting him to say, and even though it isn’t the full truth, it feels like one or two bricks of this heavy wall that crushes me have been chipped away.

“You could say that.”

He dips his head, pressing his forehead to mine. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, okay?” Holden’s lipspress to the tip of my nose. “You’re the one in control.” His voice dips to a whisper.

“I want to, Holden, I really do.” I breathe, grasping his t-shirt in my fingers, a sob escaping my lips.

“Hey,” he coos, pulling me into his chest, his hand tangling into my hair at the back of my head as I tuck my head under his chin, “it’s okay”

I want the tears to stop, I need them to. Here I’m standing in front of him, in a bra and underwear, sobbing because he feels good. But it’s still all too much.

Holden pulls back slightly. “Let’s just get some sleep, yeah?”

I nod as he wipes away a few more tears before pressing his lips to mine in a soft sweet kiss. One that’s just telling me that he’s there, nothing more, nothing less. He’s just...There for me.

He steps back from me, slipping out of his jeans and tugging his t-shirt over his head. Giving view to the ridges of his abs and the deep v that dips beneath the band of his briefs. We meet each other’s gaze, his smile warm and calming as he holds out his t-shirt to me.

“You can wear this if you want,” he offers.

I smile softly, the warmth returning to my chest and the remembrances of Jeremy slipping away from me. I reach out, taking the shirt from him and slipping it over my head before maneuvering to take off my bra under the shirt.

We climb into bed, Holden falling to his back as I find my way to being curled into his chest.

“Us against the world, right?” I whisper softly, knowing it’s a big ask with both of our ghosts dancing around the room like a haunted house.

“Us against the world,” he repeats softly, dipping his head to kiss me again.

HOLDEN

Idon’t remember falling asleep last night, but I know that when my eyes open this morning, it feels like the first real sleep I’ve had in a while. The first night of sleep that didn't consist of nightmares or phantoms of my past haunting me.

I slept.

Reallysleptand I know that it isn’t a coincidence that the first time I’ve been able to is because she’s next to me.

My head rolls to the side. Kadence is flat on her stomach, arm tucked under her pillow with the comforter pulled up to her chin. Part of me wishes that she’s wrapped around me like a ribbon, but after last night, I know now I’m going to have to take a step back. Let her control the speed of whatever train we’re riding on and knowing that she took everything I told her last night and didn’t push me away only makes it that much easier.

Still, I’ve been staring up at the ceiling contemplating everything that happened. The million different ways I want to string Watson up by his feet and let him hang there until nothing is left. Even if he had nothing to do with Becca.

Deep down, I’m still pissed off at Cole. My cheek is fucking throbbing this morning, though it isn’t anything I can’t handle. Cole hit me like a bitch. I wasn’t sure when Stokes crawled so far up my brother’s ass but running the club based on Stokes’s terms is getting old, and as much as I don’t want to, I need to talk to Trey.

It’s still early enough that the shop won’t be open yet. I can sneak into the clubhouse and probably find Trey scarfing down the muffins that Marlowe keeps hidden in the cupboard above the fridge.

I scoff softly, freezing when feeling her shift next to me.Sneak. I’m thinking about sneaking into my clubhouse. My fucking home that the more I lay next to her, feels less and less like one. I didn’t think in such a short amount of time, my world would shrink so far but something about her feels familiar and safe.

Before I can stop myself I roll onto my side, dragging my fingertips carefully through her hair, tucking it behind her ear. She hums softly, making me smile like fucking schoolboy.

“Morning,” she whispers. It’s full of rasp but soft enough that it sends chills up my spine.

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