Page 46 of All Our Ghosts

“Cole is an idiot,” he whispers. “You’ve injected yourself into my veins, Kadence, like some sort of drug I can’t get enough of and I’ll spend every day making you see it.”

He dips his head once again, kissing me much softer this time. Butterflies swarm in my stomach as I pull back from him, needing a breath, needing…something just to stop for a moment.

“Why do you get so angry with me?” I ask against his mouth, sounding much more pathetic than I want.

Holden shakes his head. “I’m not angry with you.” He brushes back the hair from my face, planting a soft peck on my forehead. “I’m angry with the world darlin’ and I apologize I’ve taken it out on you.” His finger hooks under my chin lifting my gaze to his.

“I need you to control your emotions,” I whisper, fiddling with his shirt, twisting it in my fingers and wrapping around the chain of his dog tags. “Let me help you take on that anger. Don’t take it out on me.”

He nods after a moment. “Us against the world?” A smile forms across his lips. “I could get used to that.”

My bottom lip finds home between my teeth, biting back the smile I so want to give him. “I think I could too.”

Holden traces his thumb along my jaw before gently tugging my lip from between my teeth. His eyes darken as he studies my features and after a moment of silence he dips his head once again, taking my top lip between his. I can’t help the whine that escapes my lips as I melt into him, my hand roaming under his cut and up to his shoulders to slide it off.

The leather creates a soft thud as it hits the floor at our feet. I claw at his shirt, the clothes between us proving to be too much as his hands roam under the hem of my shirt. The warmth of his skin ignites tiny little fires against my own.

“Holden,” I breathe as he dips his head, nibbling a trail of kisses along my jaw and down to my neck.

He hums against my skin, moving his way down while licking and sucking the spot on my neck that sends tingles down to my toes. I moan again, laughing softly as his fingertips graze over the ticklish spot on my ribs. I’ve never felt anyone touch me the way he is or take the time to get to know the ins and outs of my body. But with Holden, my body reacts with the slightest of touches, as if he already knows my roadmap and has for years.

I press gently against his chest, taking a step back with a heaving breath. He narrows his eyes briefly at me as I grin.

“What are you doin’, sweetheart?” He asks, his hair a mess and lips turning a bright red from kissing my skin.

I shrug softly before lifting the hem of my tank top, pulling it over my head, and revealing the blue lace bra that has quickly become my favorite since the first time I wore it. It fits perfectly and the teal against my tan skin makes me, for once, feel beautiful.

He watches me drop the tank top to the floor, his pupils going dark. I ignore the pit in my stomach that begins to grow at the reality of me letting him in. It’s been a long time since I’ve been intimate with someone and now everything is happening so fast that my mind is screaming at me to stop but my body melts as his eyes roam my skin.

Holden takes a step toward me, sinking to his knees as his hands wrap around the backs of my thighs. He looks up at me through thick lashes before planting a trail of kisses along my stomach, lingering over each divot just above my hips.

“You’re gorgeous,” he whispers against the soft part of my belly that still holds scars and pain I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of.

Tears threaten the corners of my eyes again, tangling my fingers into his long chestnut locks. I feel myself growing closerto him, and every time his touch lingers on my skin for just a little bit longer than intended, I tumble down that rabbit hole even further.

“Let’s get you out of these,” he says softly, his fingers finding the button of my jeans and tugging them down my legs.

I feel his fingers grasp along my calf, lifting them to pull my jeans off. Leaving a trail of kisses along the inside of my leg before letting it back down to the floor. He repeats this with my other leg before dragging his fingertips up and along the backs of my calves then gripping them into my thighs. All the while sending waves of goosebumps along my skin.

“You have entirely way too many clothes on,” I whisper down at him as my hands tangle into his hair, ignoring the gnawing feeling in my heart.

Holden smiles so sweetly that if he weren't holding my legs my shaking knees would have knocked me over. He places a kiss on the inside of my thigh, dragging the tip of his nose closer to my center. My chest begins to rise and fall with the quickness of my breaths. He’s lighting my skin on fire and I didn’t even realize it.

“Holden,” I whisper, the sensation of his skin on mine, the way his fingers knead into the squishiness of my legs, it’s all becoming too much. I need a step back. My hands press against his shoulders, trying to push myself away from him, “Holden, let me go.”

He drops his hands, standing as I take a step back from him. I want to keep going, I almost need to keep going to prove to myself that I can let someone in other than a person who dictated everything I was allowed to do with my body.

“What’s wrong?” Holden asks, pulling himself up onto his feet.

I avoid his gaze as I cover myself with my arms. How am I going to explain this? I’m not ready to tell him the truth. A part of me is ashamed of letting someone like Jeremy take control of almost every aspect of my life. Including when we would havesex. It was never on my terms, not even when our child was conceived was it by my choice. But it was safer than dealing with the repercussions of rejecting him.

His hands cup my face, forcing me to look at him. My eyes meet his, and the tears I’ve been forcing back cascade from me like tiny little traitors marching into the battle of my heart.

“Kade, talk to me,” Holden pleads. The shudder in his voice and the way his chin trembles shatters my heart again for the umpteenth time. “Please?” his voice drops to a scared whisper. “I didn’t mean to,” he pauses, “I didn’t hurt you did–”

I shake my head, realizing that he thinks it’s him that’s scaring me. That he’s done something to push me away. “It’s not you, Holden,” I protest. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.

“Then what is it?”

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